


A Change In The Weather

by krissyxlove



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Homeless, Eventual Smut, Friends to Lovers, Homeless Dan Howell, M/M, Slow Burn, Slow Romance, Smut will happen down the line, Strangers to Friends, Weatherman Phil Lester, alternative universe, not so slow burn because I cannot control myself
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-02-13
Updated: 2018-05-28
Packaged: 2019-03-17 15:24:56
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 28
Words: 59,035
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13661817
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/krissyxlove/pseuds/krissyxlove
Summary: Nobody cares and the world has forgotten about me.Those words were messily sketched and displayed in front of a young homeless man named Dan. Typically, for Dan, those words were true. What happens though when a chance of fate brings a young, successful, weatherman to him?Nobody cares and the world has forgotten about me.Typically, those words remained true. Today however, those words would be eaten.





	1. Chapter 1

_With you, I could go anywhere—even if our destination was Hell._

**Hell.**

What is hell exactly? It has been debated over the years, across many books, and spread by many mouths. It is a figure of speech, it is an imaginary world, and it is a place on earth. Hell is all about perspective; much like Heaven, which can also be found on earth if you look hard enough. Hell is not the same for everyone but for some, their entire existence is Hell. 

A man on the streets who has been forgotten is in his own personal Hell, eating his own words. He never thought he would end up sleeping on the pavement but here he was all because he was pursuing his own little piece of Heaven. 

The man’s eyes flutter shut once again as he hopes to catch a glimpse. 

*

_“Danny! I have a wonderful idea! Let’s forget this small town and move to London!”_

_An angelic face radiates beauty with a smile as a feather light kiss was placed on her cheek._

_“With you, I could go anywhere—even if our destination was Hell.”_

*

Scolding liquid seeping through distressed fabric forced heavy eyes open. 

“What the FUCK!” 

“Oh God I am so sorry! Here, let me help you!” 

A hand reached out to the man lying on the pavement before it is forced away. 

“I don’t need your help.” The bitterness is clear in the man’s tone. He has been cheated by the world over and over again; so this inconvenience, even though it is very severe, is nothing he cannot fix himself. The streets have taught him a lot about life and that is to take care of yourself and only yourself because no one else is reliable. 

Sometimes however, people are persistent—annoyingly persistent. 

“Sir please I tripped and spilled hot coffee all over you at least let me do something!” 

The offer was tempting and the chilling winds were working against the damp fabrics that typically kept him warm. He thought for a moment and looked into earnest blue eyes…damn anyone with blue eyes. He then noticed the eyes drifting beside him and they squinted as if trying to piece something together. He then realized what was being analyzed. “It says nobody cares and the world has forgotten about me.” 

“Ha-ha yeah, okay that’s what it says. Hey, you should try a more positive message like-“

“I’m not a positive person and don’t try to say anything reassuring because by the looks of your perfectly tailored suit, you have no idea what my life is like.” 

Those words were sharp as they cut though cold air and chilled it even further. Nobody knew what his life was like and nobody wanted to help. His negative sign was proven to be true once again as the nicely dressed man stood in awkward silence for only a moment longer before walking away. 

Human beings are naturally uncaring and no one could convince the man on the streets otherwise. Nobody cared and there was no reason for him to be positive when negativity was what truly fueled this world. 

Harsh winds sent the man into shivers as the now cold coffee froze him to his core. His tattered blanket was useless as it took most of the liquid and was now uncomfortably moist. This day couldn't get any worse—or could it?  
Frozen particles began to fall from the sky at a rapid rate as strong gusts of wind made every second drag with discomfort. Shelter was needed but sadly it was nowhere to be found. So the man who had been forgotten by the world decided to lie back down on his damp cardboard bed as he wished to disappear from this life. 

*

_  
“Wow look at the snow! London somehow looks even more beautiful now!”_

_Blue eyes darted around in astonishment as brown eyes were focused on the beauty of the person next to him rather than the city around him._

_“London is more beautiful because it has you.”_

_Pale cheeks now had a rosy tint as a giggle escaped velvety lips._

_“Don’t be silly.”_

*

A painful chill made the man wake up once again with discomfort. He wishes he was numb from the cold but instead he was in a state of complete pain as brutal winds were paired with subzero temperatures. The snow was rapidly picking up and coming down even harder than before as the city cleared out and became desolate save for one man who was forced to remain to bare the blizzard. Times like this the man on the streets wishes he wasn't alone—times like this he wishes he was wrong about humanity. 

He groaned as he went back down to lie on his _bed_ and covered his face with his dampened sheet. This life was not worth living and no voice of reason could convince him otherwise. What would they have to say anyway? Any voice that tries to talk to him has a warm place to stay at the end of the day. His eyes closed as he desperately tried to ignore his body’s trembling. 

*

“Hey!”

A familiar voice is calling for him: calling him home. 

“Hey!” 

It calls out again, but this time it is in the distance as it morphs into a deeper unfamiliar voice. 

“HE-" 

*

“God fucking shit, WHAT!” The man on the pavement threw his blanket off his body in a fit of anger to see who brought him back to his unfortunate reality. He rolled his eyes as he saw the perfectly polished, suited man standing in front of him. “Go away.” He groaned as he re-covered his face with his flimsy sheet. 

“No I made a promise with myself that I was going to come back and find you so I could show you that the world still cares.” 

All that was heard was an empty promise. The man on the pavement made a point to turn away from the polished man.

“Hey! I wasn't done talking! I have a place to live, it’s not much, but I have enough room for an extra guest.” 

Rage was beginning to boil. An extra room; that’s a new promise, but it was definitely still only a shallow one since the room would surely only be open for a night or two. He wanted to respond to the foolishness but he found himself too frozen to even speak. Silence spoke louder than words most times anyway. 

“H-“

“For the love of God, SHUT UP! I don’t give a damn about your promises!” The blanket was off once again to reveal the face of pure rage. 

The other stood his ground however as he looked down with empathetic eyes. 

That look, it was a lot to take in, and for a brief moment the other felt a twinge of warmth but he had to remember what the world was really like. What promises really meant—where promises really take him.  
The eyes held a steady gaze and a step was taken towards the man on the pavement. 

“S-Stop…” That was the only thing that could be whimpered out because honestly this cold was becoming too much and the man was becoming too weak. A promise, even an empty one, was becoming more tempting. 

“I am being serious, I have enough room for you. It’s only a couch but-“ 

“Fine.” He had been broken down and he had decided to give humanity a chance once again. 

The man in the suit smiled as he extended his hand to help the other up. Once they were face to face he shook his hand.

“My name is Phil by the way, what’s yours?” 

“Dan.” 

“Nice to meet you Dan, now let’s get you home.” 

_**Home.** _

Dan hasn’t heard that word in years, he didn’t even recognize it anymore but for some reason it made him feel warm. This was insane though. He was going to a stranger’s house to live with him…his rational side was telling him that he was going to get murdered whilst his irrational side was perfectly content with that idea. 

This whole day has been weird but hey, maybe weird would be good for once.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh snap your local fanfic writer Kristin has been up to a secret project. I have been working on this in private for a few months now and finally, I feel like it is time to start releasing my child into this world. I will -try- and update frequently, but there will be gaps for sure. Anyway if I go more than 3 weeks without updating PLEASE yell at me either in the comments here or on twitter @ gingersnapphan. :)


	2. Chapter 2

Dan noticed something was is in Phil's free hand, a to-go coffee cup. He noticed another tucked in the crook of his elbow, most likely because Phil offered his hand just moments prior. Phil then switched the cup's positions and held the two to-go cups up to the other,

“This one is hot chocolate, this one is coffee.” Phil explained holding up each hand that corresponded with the hot beverage. Once the coffee was pointed at, he handed it over with a smile and watched as the other took a sip.

“What the fuck, coffee is supposed to be bitter!” He complained after he dramatically spewed the sickeningly sweet coffee all over the pavement.

“Only bitter people say that.” Phil retorted with a laugh.

The homeless man scowled for a moment before a small smirk appeared, revealing a dimple.

“Who knew someone so generous also had a snarky side.”

“I was just making a comment. Anyway, since we are going to be flat mates and all I should at least know basic things about you like-“

Phil was immediately cut off by the other holding his hand up.

“You are not getting my life story.”

Phil went quiet, he knew when to shut up - sometimes.

The walk back to Phil’s place was quiet but it definitely wasn't as awkward as Phil anticipated. Honestly, Phil didn't even know what he was expecting since today has been so unpredictable.  
First the snowfall is breaking records and no one expected that and now there is…this. This has been one of the weirdest days of Phil’s life but honestly, he is taking it as a test. Life is full of variables anyway so why can’t this be one of them?

The snow was coming down hard and Phil couldn't help but notice how under dressed his new flat mate was. “Are you cold?” Phil asked, seeing the man next to him clearly shivering.

“No.”

Dan’s reply was as cold as the subzero temperature. Phil knew he was lying but he also knew that Dan was trying to save what little dignity he had, even if it meant refusing a warm jacket. He still couldn't help but roll his eyes. They were close to his flat anyway so he didn't feel like pushing it. Today has been long enough as it is, he didn’t need to get into an argument with a grown adult about wearing a jacket.

Phil stopped in front of a fairly average looking apartment building which confused Dan, he thought Phil was loaded with money since his suit was pressed and looked brand knew. His confusion only grew as he was led to a lift and led down a corridor of fairly bland looking doors. Nothing about this place screamed luxury and Dan was beginning to think he was getting bamboozled, or murdered…he was okay with the latter.

“Welcome to home sweet home!” Phil exclaimed as he opened the door, revealing a mediocre looking flat.

“Home sweet what now?” Dan deadpanned, narrowing his eyes for dramatic effect.

Phil was genuinely confused. He felt as if his home was his palace and he never even realized how small it could look from an outsider’s point of view. It didn't matter because trivial things such as social status and luxury living didn't matter to him anyway.

Dan didn't seem to think the same as him.

“You mean to tell me someone who wears clean crisp suits, someone who is clearly successful, lives in a shoe box?! ”

Phil blinked slowly and then gave a small chuckle. “Says the formerly homeless man. This place is my castle and if you don’t like it, you can leave. Listen, I know my flat isn't the luxury living you were expecting but news flash: I am not a luxurious person. Besides, I am only a weatherman. Okay fine, I do have money but I still don't spend it on luxurious things”

Dan grumbled for a moment before stepping into the small flat.

“Where does all your money go then?” He says examining the small space.

“Mostly video games and helping others by donating to charities. I also send money back up north to my family.” 

Phil said picking up a photo from his mantel and passing it to Dan. “They honestly deserve it more than me.”

Dan looked down at the photo as the smiling faces all huddled together burned. He never thought seeing a group so happy would bring him such misery but here he was, finding himself jealous over a photo. Recently he hasn't had anyone to take care of and he has even been neglecting himself so he couldn't relate to Phil’s thought process. Either way, he should be more grateful considering he even has a warm place to stay. He wanted to show a little more gratitude but first thing was first, he couldn't do it whilst stinking up Phil’s flat.

“Shower?”

“It’s just around the corner. Oh, why don’t you borrow something of mine to wear for now and we can get you some new clothes once this storm clears?” Phil was already heading towards his bedroom before he was stopped.

“I don’t do well in monkey suits Phil. I can just wait around in a towel until my clothes are washed.”

“Do you really think I wear suits outside of work? Dan…I am not the weatherman everyone always sees. I mean, yeah I am, but outside of work I am a laid back guy.”

“Fine but…when we go shopping can we make a deal? I don’t want to be some freeloader. At least let me clean your flat…it could definitely use a deep clean.” Dan said looking around at the cluttered, disorganized mess.

“Hey, come on it’s not bad.” Phil said, poking his bottom lip out.

“You’re right, it’s worse.” Dan chuckled. Before Phil could even respond, Dan ducked away to the bathroom and shut the door. He laughed as he heard muffled fussing through the door accompanied by banging. He knew it was all just Phil being overly dramatic so he shook his head with another hearty chuckle before finally shedding himself of his worn out rags.

Dan felt a little weird being exposed like this. How long has it been since he’s had a proper shower? Months? Perhaps it’s been even longer than that. He took a deep breath before stepping into the shower. Why did this feel so dramatic? It was just him cleansing his body for fucks sake. He was begging for his mind to stop making such a big deal out of it but it wouldn't stop. Washing away everything that’s caked onto his body over time would be like washing away his memories of his hardships. He didn't feel like he deserved to feel better about himself. He felt like he deserved to continue walking around in his own filth but…he also wanted to be selfish for once.

He shook his thoughts away as he finally began to wash his filth and cares away. 

The water felt nice, he can’t remember the last time he has felt this good. It was almost like he was becoming a new man all over again: a re branding. The homeless man who was on the streets just hours ago was dead and hopefully never coming back to life.

He reached for the soap and breathed in its soft lavender scent. His stench was replaced with a light, floral smell and he couldn't feel any better than he did in this moment.

Shampoo and conditioner sat there mocking Dan and his long tangled locks. Honestly, at this point it might be easier to just cut off all his hair since it is shoulder length and wavy as all heck, but it was something he didn't want to let go of just yet. He scrubbed all the filth from his hair and actually smiled as he was finally able to comb his hands through his usually unruly hair. This was bliss. He doesn't recall ever feeling this good about taking a shower, he used to really take it for granted.

Once he was finally rid of his street funk, he lingered for a moment just to let the hot water warm him up. His skin was beginning to turn pink from the heat but he needed a moment longer, this felt too nice. He leaned against the shower wall and closed his eyes—dreaming about a world where he could remain here forever.

A knocking on the door brought him back to reality.

“Dan? Did you fall down the drain?” A concerned voice penetrated through the door.

“No, I’ll be out in just a moment.” Dan replied, sighing quietly to himself.

He finally shut off the water and breathed in the light aroma that persisted within the steamy room. He never knew how much he loved the smell of lavender until it washed his cares away—literally.

Dan held the towel together with his right hand as he reached for the door swinging it open and hearing a unique noise.

“That’s what you get for waiting outside of the bathroom door like a weirdo.” 

“To be fair this is my flat.” Phil said has he rubbed at his throbbing nose. With his unoccupied hand he handed over some fresh clothes.

“You can go change in my room; I promise, I won’t be waiting.” With that he walked away. Dan looked down at the shirt and smiled at the familiar face and the feeling of nostalgia brought him a sense of comfort. 

“Hey! I didn't know you liked Mario!” Dan shouted, which was a little odd since he didn't really know much about Phil to begin with besides the fact he was a weatherman.

“Everyone likes Mario!” Phil shouted back with a laugh.

It was true, everyone did like Mario. In some way or form everyone from their generation and likely beyond has played some Mario game, in some form, and has enjoyed it. He was just too giddy though and he felt a total change in his mood as he looked down at the familiar face on the t-shirt. He remembered Phil mentioning his love for video games earlier and if he was right, his room would give Dan a whole rush to a happier time.

Walking into the room, he was transported into a whole different world but instead of strangers, it was filled with every familiar face he had grown up with and grown to love over the years.

There was Samus and all her badassery on a Metroid promotional poster.

Dan then turned and smiled seeing a figure of Laura Croft, he could literally hear the sound effects from a game he spent so many countless days on.

On Phil’s desk there was the face he was looking for. There stood a Tifa figurine and he felt an overwhelming sense of comfort remembering all the memories he shared with characters from his favourite game probably of all time. Thank God Phil appreciated quality games. He has spent too long in here and it felt a little weird to be looking around at another man’s objects. Besides, he could just strike up a conversation about gaming at a later time. Once he was in comfortable clothes he stepped out the portal of his childhood and met Phil in the lounge.

“Hey.” He said a little awkwardly as he rubbed at the back of his neck and his legs awkwardly crossed. He didn't know how he was supposed to act in the apartment of basically a stranger. 

“Hey! So...how are you feeling?” Phil asked with hesitance, he was just as awkward as Dan.

“Much better, thanks. So uh…You like video games.”

“I said I did earlier.” Phil laughed.

He has a point and Dan felt his face heat up a little. It’s been so long since he’s had human interaction this long but he felt comfortable around Phil for some reason. Something about Phil’s presence felt familiar and welcoming: like an old friend. He was more than willing to talk about games for hours, but a yawn from Phil reminded him just how long today has been…for them both.

“Why don’t you get some rest? You have weather to report tomorrow, don’t you?” Dan said all too knowingly. He knew that a weatherman’s job was only starting, especially with such a large snowfall.

Phil yawned again. “Yeah, you are right. Oh, there is some cold pizza in the fridge. Let me know if you need anything. I left some pillows and blankets on the couch. You know where I’ll be.” He said before disappearing to his nerd cave.

Dan’s stomach rumbled with the mention of pizza alone. It’s been so long since Dan has had a halfway decent meal and even though pizza wasn't luxurious to most, for him, it was a feast. He couldn't even wait as he indulged on the cold slice. He felt like an animal who savagely ripping through its prey and he was perfectly okay with it.

Finally feeling his stomach calm down for once he made his way over to his makeshift bed. It wasn't the comfiest couch, but it sure as hell beat the cardboard he had been sleeping on for a while.

Everything was dark and quiet; everything was warm and peaceful. He hasn't felt this safe in a while and he couldn't help but smile as he closed his eyes and reflected on the past 24 hours. Memories of hot coffee and shivering faded into his most recent memories of nostalgia and pizza. He had no idea what God was looking out for him all the sudden but Phil was definitely heaven sent and he was determined to thank him for his kindness…after some rest that is.


	3. Chapter 3

__

Darkness, cold, and a sense of unfamiliarity. 

__

__  


_Horror, dread, and no real sense of anything fills every crevice of Dan's mind. He decided then and there that this is Hell._

_He has no idea what to do, how he got there, or even how to leave._

_Reality forms into this blob of nothingness and eventually, that's what Dan starts to feel himself._

_Finally, a light begins to shine through._

_It comes in the form of a familiar face and a sense of comfort replaces the numbness and all Dan feels is warm. He wants to reach out to the Angel in front of him, the Angel that is calling him home._

_She holds out her hands; two pills are displayed. One is Red, one is blue. This isn't the matrix however...this is a real choice. At least that's how it feels._

_Velvety lips part and begin to explain something that Dan cannot understand. This language is foreign and the speech is distorted._

__

So much, that he realizes that this familiar face is only an illusion.

__

_Once he figures it out, everything around him begins to crumble and his Angel begins to fall. The scream she makes isn't unfamiliar however, it is clear as day:_

__

_It is a recreation._

__

Dan wakes up in a cold sweat. He looked over at the clock only to notice an hour, and only an hour has passed. 

He decided that he would rather be exhausted than go through that nightmare again so he got up.

One would think that this would be the best sleep he's had in his entire life, but something about actually having a safe and warm place to stay threw him into a state of uneasiness. 

Something good did come out of his restless night however as he was able to get some things done. 

*

"WHAT THE WHAT?!" Phil's voice screeched through the small flat and Dan just chuckled seeing Phil admire his hard work. 

"I couldn't sleep." Dan said casually as he placed the last game in it's proper place. 

"So you organised my entire entertainment area?! Wait, holy crapola! You even put all the games in alphabetical order! How did you even do all this? Wait, how did I not hear you moving everything around? Dan, IS THIS EVEN MY FLAT?" Phil pinched his own arm for dramatic effect and also to really ensure he was not actually dreaming.

Dan was pleased by the reaction his organizing brought, it made all the effort worth it. He wasn't a freeloader after all, he had to earn his keep. One step at a time he decided he would keep surprising Phil. In fact, another surprise was already waiting for him he just hasn't found it yet. 

"DAN!" 

_Ah, now he found it._

Dan was trying to hide his smirk as Phil discovered the breakfast feast laid out on the otherwise unused breakfast bar .

"Yes?" Dan replied in a sing-song tune. For some reason, these reactions were really putting him in a good mood. 

"You didn't have to do all this." Phil said as he sat on one of the bar stools, patting the spot next to him. 

Dan would be lying if he said that all that hard work didn't make him hungry and before he could even try to argue, his stomach went off which earned a chuckle from Phil.

*

The two sat there in silence as they ate.

Small talk wasn't Dan's strong suit and Phil seemed distracted himself as he was nose deep in his phone, until he suddenly looked up. 

"Dan?"

Dan decided to not answer with words since he was still stuffing his face. Instead he just looked over at Phil.

"Get some rest. When I come back we will get you some things."

Dan found himself unable to say anything back. He knew he realistically needed rest, he just didn't know how realistic that was for him right now. He just nodded in response.

*  


Dan tried to sleep, he _really_ tried.

Any effort to get some rest resulted in an endless cycle of watching the same horrifying scenario unfold over and over. He always woke from a scream; he always woke up screaming himself. 

Eventually, he had to give up. He decided that an hour and a half collectively of restless sleep was enough to be a functional human. It wasn't like he had a choice anyway since he could not stand to have that nightmare again.

Looking at the clock he decided that he had around three hours before Phil came home. He could remain laying down, realistically he should remain on the couch, but he felt useless if he wasn't constantly working.

Dan stared down the PlayStation though and something was screaming at him to pick up the controller. Maybe some familiar faces would ease his mind. Dan did work a lot throughout the night, that was his justification for this. He decided to be selfish again in the end. He decided to numb his mind and block out the world just like he used to. 

*

"Dan, I'm back!" Phil called out.

He heard the familiar music of one of his favorite childhood games: Crash Bandicoot.

Rounding the corner he was surprised to see Dan, fast asleep with the controller in his hand.

He didn't want to disturb Dan since he knew this was the likely the first time he has slept properly in months. He knew he would get cramps however if he remained in the position he was in so he slowly tip-toed to Dan's side. Phil took a moment to make sure Dan was actually breathing still and chuckled when a snore verified that. 

He carefully moved the controller before moving Dan as carefully as he could. Once he was in a proper position Phil covered him with a blanket. 

"Sleep tight," Phil whispered before hitting the lights to the lounge. He was careful enough to leave the background music of Crash Bandicoot on, just in case that was what was settling Dan's mind. 

Tomorrow was a new day anyway, and the smile on Dan's face ensured it was a better day to start fresh.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this is a short chapter, I was trying to cram this in at work, I hope you guys enjoyed this chapter though! I can't wait to release more! :) Any comments are appreciated. If you want, follow me on twitter @ gingersnapphan


	4. Chapter 4

This time when Dan woke up he felt completely different. 

The familiar sounds of the game he left up continued to fill the otherwise quiet air and Dan smiled when he wasn't even able to re-call whatever dream he just had. He assumed he only fell asleep for a quick nap, that was until he noticed the clock was turning over to the start of a new day. 

"Fuck,'' He mumbled. A dull ache was beginning to form from oversleeping and also lack of any form of nourishment. He also then realized he didn't even get to make dinner like he had planned. This whole day was a flop, and he has now successfully messed up his sleep schedule. Phil must think he truly is worthless and surely he would be placing him back on the streets again after his failures.

Dan should eat, he knows he should. Right now however, he feels as if he doesn't deserve it since he did not work for it. His stomach screaming at him wasn't helping. His internal battle only lasted a few minutes before he finally caved in and made his way to the kitchen.

"Pizza, pizza, pizza." He was mumbling to himself while looking for a quick meal. Something caught his eye however, something with his name on it. Dan curiously picked it up, trying to decipher the chicken scratch on the little sticky note. Finally, he was able to piece it together:

 _Dan, I'm glad you made yourself at home so quickly. Also, I am glad you took my advice and rested. Eat now. - Phil_

Was Phil Dan's mother now? Dan couldn't help but roll his eyes as a small smirk appeared on his face. Phil really was an honest man. That, or this is poisoned. He was willing to take that risk again.

Dan opened the lid to find pasta that was obviously not homemade. He wasn't complaining, he really wasn't. Pasta sounded like heaven now anyway and he almost wanted to dig right in with his hands, but he was a human with manners not some wild beast. It was still dark in the kitchen so Dan felt around the counters before bumping his hip into an open drawer. "Fuck!" He hissed, hoping he didn't just wake up Phil. Surely enough, he had just walked into the drawer that holds forks. Dan just assumed Phil left it open so Dan didn't have to make too much noise as he sorted through which drawer held what.

He closed the drawer before devouring the plate of pasta without even taking the time to sit down. For some reason he felt more desperate for food now more than he ever did when he was on the streets. Maybe it is because he truly does not know how long this is going to last. He felt really silly for thinking this way, but at the end of the day he felt as if he knew every human being in this world--even Phil.

Food was finally gone and Dan felt satisfaction as his stomach was finally calm. He could continue organizing, but something was telling him to just relax. He assumed Phil would have plans for them today and he also knew he would need to be rested enough to put up with whatever shenanigans he was about to go through.

Dan made his way back to the couch. He was always a couch potato growing up, he forgot how good it felt to just relax with no cares in the world. His eyes zoned out and fixated on nothing in particular as he allowed his mind to numb. He hasn't allowed himself any sort of courtesy in a while now. This was kind of nice. Maybe the world did care after all, he was still skeptical however. His mind began to race once again as he began to ponder the _what if's_ of Phil's intentions. Phil was a public figure after all, that means he could easily just be using Dan so he could show how 'charitable' he was. Dan quickly shook those thoughts away he didn't want to think so poorly about the man who may have possibly saved his life.

*

It was past 10 in the morning and Dan was beginning to worry. Phil had to have a day off obviously so he assumed today was that day, but the eggs he made were already cold and he didn't want to waste any more. Dan finally built up the courage to stand outside Phil's door. He didn't want to bother him, but he also would be lying if he said he wasn't starting to feel anxious when he's left alone. He's been been alone for so long so right now he felt like a dog who was waiting for his owner to return from the shops, or a night out. He bounced foot to foot slightly as he chewed on his bottom lip questioning if he should knock or not. Phil wouldn't get annoyed, would he? Dan doesn't know because he knows nothing about Phil. His heart rate is picking up as he takes a deep breath while picking his hand up to knock,

"What the heck?!" Phil squeaked, grabbing at his chest to settle his startled heart. Dan stood there awkwardly to take in the image of Phil in the morning. His hair was in a perfect quiff; he decided then and there that it suited him more than his usual flat emo hair. Glasses were settled on the bridge of his nose and made him look like an intellectual, which was hilariously contrasted with a bright blue sonic tee and cookie monster pyjama bottoms.

"So-sorry, I was just trying to wake you up," Dan mumbled. He was honestly embarrassed he was caught like this and he felt a small flush creep across his face and he was sure it was settling into the rosy patch on his cheek as it always does. 

"Well, I sure am awake now!" Phil said with a heart warming chuckle. "Please tell me you have coffee ready." Phil said brushing past Dan, making his way to the kitchen.

"I just made a new batch." Dan said following. He had made three previous batches but they had all gone cold, thankfully he did not have to waste anymore.

Dan watched as Phil poured himself a mug. Phil then added so much cream and sugar that the entire city of London probably has a shortage now. The thought of the sickeningly sweet coffee made Dan get a little sick in his mouth, he wondered how Phil was so still so thin with the amount of sugar he consumes. He had been starting at the mug for a while and zoned out so hard, that when Phil finally spoke, he jumped.

"Sorry, what?" Dan asked. He was unsure what was blocking his mind today. Maybe he was coming down with something; he was just out in the cold with nothing more than a tattered sheet after all.

"I asked if you were ready to go shopping today. I have off so this is a good day for us to venture out," Phil repeated. 

Dan only mumbled a quick "sure," since he still felt like he didn't deserve this. 

"If you are more of an online shopper, we can crack open my laptop and take a look there." Phil offered. It was obvious he took note to how unresponsive Dan was this morning. 

"It's fine, really, let's just get this over with." Dan said clearing Phil's empty plate; leaving his mostly untouched plate at the table, almost as if he will come back to it later. He knew he wouldn't, he just wanted to leave it as a sign of hope.

*

"I'm uncomfortable." Dan whines coming out in tight jeans. He was used to his seriously distressed pants that had been worn to rags.

"You look great though, turn around." The fitting room attendant was flirting, he knew she was. Dan wasn't used to any stranger paying him any mind considering for the past year(s?) of his life, everyone saw him as some sort of waste of space. 

"I think I want something more practical..." Dan mumbled, backing towards the fitting room.

"How about these then?" She said, holding out a pair of tight pants that looked to be made of some form of faux-leather.

"I think I'll just take these." Dan scrambled back into the fitting room, surely this purchase was enough to appease the woman waiting on the other side. 

Once Dan came back out, he was half expecting the woman to pounce on him. He was surprised however when he was met by Phil, Dressed in a form fitting navy-coloured suit with a plain white button-up underneath. 

"I thought you said you didn't wear suits outside of work." Dan said stupidly, before realizing the suit was most likely for work. 

Phil laughed, "It's for a charity event. Hey do you want-" 

"No." 

"You don't even know what I was going to say!" 

"You are about to ask me if I want to go, so my answer is no," Dan shot right back. 

"I mean, I was going to ask you if you wanted to meet some celebrities and dine on fancy food all night but-"

"That's just a fancy way of asking me to join your event." 

"Well, you got me there."

The pout that followed that sentence made Dan want to smile. Something about Phil--he almost looked like a lost puppy. 

"Put a black shirt underneath that suit. It will make you look more powerful." Dan offered, seeing Phil's face light up. 

"So, you do know fashion then." Phil smirked a little; that was the most un-characteristic face he's seen Phil pull in the few days he has known him.

*

A small amount of clothes were purchased but the amount seemed to fulfill whatever intention Phil had for this day.

The pair walked past a hair salon, and Phil turned to Dan. 

"H-"

"Not yet," Dan mumbled as he pulled the hair-tie on his pony tail to make it just a little tighter.

"Your hair is so wavy though, are you sure?" Phil pressed. 

"It's one thing I am not ready for, not yet." Dan mumbled again, successfully dropping the topic.

 _Not yet._ those words would continue to follow him.

*

This was the first proper day Dan and Phil have both spent together. It almost felt like they were friends for years; perhaps in an alternate reality, that was true. They got along easily, actually. Dan was surprised--he has never quite clicked with someone this easily. He learned a little bit more about Phil:

For starters he learned Phil _hates_ cheese. This came up in topic when Dan asked for Phil to bring home some cheesy Hors d'oeuvres from his event. He was met with a nose crinkled in disgust. 

Unrelated, but also sort of relevant, he learned Phil was lactose sensitive. His sensitivity was discovered long after his hatred however. 

He learned Phil had always wanted to be a weather man, but he almost gave up on that dream when someone said he was ' _too awkward_ ' to be a personality. He sure showed them--whoever they were.

Phil also never wears matching socks, a minuscule, and irrelevant detail to know about someone, but Dan would store it in his memory. 

Oh, he also finally learned Phil's last name is Lester.

These things were shared over coffee in a quiet starbucks. Phil ordered yet another sugary drink, as he remembered to get something bitter for Dan. In truth, it was possibly the only thing that was known about the formerly homeless man. 

Dan felt bad, Phil was offering so much about himself but Dan had nothing he wanted to share in return. He could offer little things; things such as his fear of trees, his fear of the dark; the fact that he does indeed have a brother, but none of this would escape his lips. He knew he was taking and not giving at all, but he knew in due time he would share... just not yet.

It was getting late and a yawn from Phil reminded him yet again just how long the day has been. They gathered their bags of clothing and set back to the flat. Instead of going straight to bed however, Phil joined Dan in the lounge for a few rounds of Mario Kart. 

"Eat my shell, biotch!" Phil shouted, sending a green shell forward, only to have it be broken by a banana that appeared on Dan's rear suddenly. 

"Bite my banana, bitch." Dan said with a playful smirk plastered on his face. 

It has been so long since Dan was able to enjoy himself like this. Funny enough, this small flat that he has only been in for a few days felt more like a home more than any actual home he had ever stayed in--well, except for maybe one. 

It was getting late however and Phil had a long day ahead of him. Charity events seemed like such a bother to put together, Dan thought, but did not say out loud.

Phil got up and hit the light to the lounge on his way back to his room, "night Dan," He said. 

"Night loser," Dan replied with a chuckle. 

Friendship was already forming and Dan knew that in order to solidify that bond, he would have to share more about himself. It was a dreaded thought, but it was something Dan knew he had to face eventually. He decided that he would open up to Phil's questions more after his event if he asked, although he secretly hoped Phil would be too drunk to ask anything. Dan was preparing himself to answer these questions because he knew he would never truly be ready to answer them, he knew he had to brace himself however because he knew he couldn't always reply with a simple, " _not yet_ ".


	5. Chapter 5

"How does this look?" Phil asked stepping out of his room and into the lounge. 

"You look like you're ready to be around pompous assholes all day." Dan shrugged, not even looking over from his place at the dishwasher that he was unloading. 

"Come on, you didn't even look!" Phil whined. 

"I don't need to, I already saw your outfit...remember?" 

"But there is something else," Phil persisted. 

Curiosity got the best of Dan and he finally left his place in the kitchen to get a better look at his flatmate. 

"Oh my God, you total fucking nerd," Dan laughed. He was trying to contain his laughter, but the star wars themed bow tie was really making that impossible. Phil's suit complimented by his perfectly quiffed hair made him look more mature than he really was and it was a hilarious, contradicting sight.

"Is it that bad?" Phil frowned.

"A bit much, but you are the only one who can pull it off." Dan assured Phil. However, the snort of laughter after that sentence was not making Phil feel any better. 

"Maybe I will just put on a plain black bow tie..." Phil frowned further. 

"No, no. Don't listen to me, I am just some crazy homeless man after all. Besides you shouldn't care what others think, this is _your_ event after all. I'm sure you have been putting this together for months, right? Let this night be about you and whatever you are raising money for." 

"Homeless youth." Phil says quietly. 

Dan cocked a curious brow in response. 

"My event, it's to raise money for the homeless youth of London--hopefully beyond." 

"What do you know about being homeless?" Dan asked, coming across a lot harsher than he anticipated. 

"Nothing; nothing at all. That's why I want to make a difference though, so I can-"

Dan was rubbing his temple a bit; that motion made Phil cut off his sentence and really take a long moment to think. 

"It's a bit ignorant, I know," Phil acknowledged.

"No, I'm just over thinking things. You are doing good in this world." Dan gave a small smile as he was trying to get his mind to shut up. He wasn't offended or even mad, just a little _thrown off_. "Hey, make sure to bring me back some rich people food." With that he made his way back to his chores.

*

Once Phil was out of the flat Dan continued to clean. Cleaning had this way of clearing his mind better than anything. He was lazy in his youth and he was a couch potato in his early childhood, yes, but he always found peace of mind in an organized space.

Homeless youth was a lovely thing to raise awareness and money for, but something in Dan's mind made him feel bitter. Maybe because he has indeed had nothing and no one since he was in his late teenage years...except for a brief period that is. Why wasn't anyone like Phil around for him then? Why does everyone care now that Dan is legally an adult? Why can't he just feel happy for those who's lives will be changed because of Phil...perhaps he really was just being bitter.

Here comes the _what ifs_ again. They begin to flood Dan's brain and drown him. _What if_ Phil was really just after Dan's story? _What if_ he just saw Dan as a potential bread winner? Sure, charity was indeed non-profit for Phil, but _what if_ he was determined to _sell_ Dan's tale? Was this ridiculous? Probably; but dammit, Dan still is having issues coping with this sudden change.

Dan shook his thoughts away as he made himself a fresh pot of coffee; bitter coffee, for a bitter man.

*

"I'm baaaaaaaaaack!" Phil's slurred voice echoed in the silent flat.

Dan was still cleaning and he was still in his head so he didn't quite hear Phil. 

"Helllloooooooooo?" Phil's drunken tone filled the flat again; met with no response once more. 

Dan was working on a particularly tough bit of grime between the tiles of the kitchen floor. He was on his hands and knees, scrubbing vigorously with a toothbrush when suddenly, 

"Owwwwwie!" Phil whined as he hit the hard tile after tripping over the solid long figure of Dan.

"So, here we are again." Dan laughed a little as he sat up, rubbing the sensitive spot that Phil just accidentally kicked. 

"Why were you in the middle of my floooooor?" 

"Why weren't you looking where you were goooooing?" Dan teased.

Phil pouted as he rubbed the bridge of his nose. He finally sat up and crossed his legs as he continued to pout at Dan. Phil's hair was a mess, he reeked of liqueur, and he had a hint of a drunk flush across his cheeks. 

"Can I help you Mister Lester?" Dan asked with a hint of a smirk. This sight was honestly a little adorable; a lot of hilarious, but he was trying to keep it together. 

"Coffee." Phil mumbled. 

"Manners?" 

"Please?" Phil said with wide-youthful eyes. He was honestly like a child right now: helpless.

"Promise to not trip over me anymore?" Dan chuckled. 

"Promise," Phil said holding out his pinky.

Dan felt a small heat spread across his face; this notion, although it was small, brought him a small hint of fondness towards Phil. Phil really was like a friend he never had growing up. Maybe, just maybe, Phil would be his first _real_ friend.

He took Phil's pinky in his own with a proud smile.

*

"Woooooow, this is good!" Phil cheered as he took another large sip of the coffee Dan prepared.

"I've been taking notes." Dan said as a dimple made an appearance on his cheek. 

"You should have been there Dan! There were celebrities, like lots of them! Also the food was good--really good...actually it was ace!" Phil said with a huge, goofy smile plastered on his face.

"Speaking of food, where is mine?" Dan asked, curiously since he hasn't seen anything in Phil's hand since he tripped over him. 

"Oh fuck!" Phil shouted louder than he probably anticipated before a deep blush settled on his fair cheeks. 

"You forgot, didn't you?" Dan asked as his smirk grew wider. This was a sight indeed and this language was definitely a rarity.

Phil shook his head before poking his bottom lip out in a very exaggerated pout. "I didn't forget per se...." 

Dan cocked a curious brow and tilted his head slightly in confusion. 

"Don't be mad..." Phil continued.

"Just spit it out already," Dan demanded. 

"I ate it." 

The look of shame on Phil's face only grew once Dan began to laugh like a mad man. Dan didn't know Phil that well, or even that long, but somehow he knew that this should have been expected.

"Heeeeey quit laughing!" Phil whined, trying to pull what Dan could only assume was meant to be an angry expression. 

"Never." Dan teased gently.

*

Dan didn't assist in helping Phil into pyjamas, but he did help tuck him into bed. Something about Phil in this state made him feel like he needed to take care of Phil.

"Goodnight Phil," Dan whispered gently as he went to go hit the lights. 

"Wait.." Phil said so inaudible that Dan almost didn't catch it. Actually, Dan probably could pretend like he didn't catch it, but something inside him wanted to know what Phil wanted. 

"Yes?" Dan finally breathed out along with the breath he didn't know he was holding in. 

"Can I ask you something? It's been bothering me for a few days now." Phil said as he sat up ever so slightly and rested against his headrest.

Ah, so here it is. Dan did make a promise to himself that he would answer any question that Phil threw at him, it was only fair after all. He wasn't ready, but he knew he would likely never be ready, so he sucked a sharp breath in preparation as he cautiously replied, "what is it?"

"How the heck do you not have a beard?!" 

Dan was floored. His lack of a beard?! Really? _that_ is what has been bothering Phil all these days? His lack of a fucking beard? Dan could laugh for hours at this! Phil was a comedic genius, he thought. He was snickering to himself and trying so hard to not bust a gut from laughing so hard that he forgot he was still in the same room with Phil. 

"Did...did I say something funny?" Phil asked cocking his head in a way that made him look so adorably ignorant. 

"No, no not really. To answer your question, the reason I don't have a beard is because I never finished puberty." 

"Your voice sounds deep enough though, and you are really tall..." Phil said, completely baffled at this point. 

"To put it more simply, I just don't grow much body hair." 

"Ohhhhh that makes more sense, lucky. I have to shave almost daily or else I grow a very manly neck beard." Phil complained.

"The true wolverine." Dan retorted with a small snort of a laugh. 

"Well, that's all I had to ask. Goodnight Dan!" Phil said with a goofy smile once again before settling back under his duvet. 

Dan got off easy, he know he did. Phil could have asked something more pressing, more harrowing, but instead he chose to ask about his lack of facial hair. Dan was grateful, he really was. He smiled as he rubbed his smooth face, hitting the light on the way back to his couch. That smile, it didn't leave his face all night.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello friends! I hope everyone is enjoying this story so far! I am really enjoying writing this and getting it out! Sorry that the chapters have been short so far :( I write this at work between clients so I don't always have a lot of time! I really appreciate the comments and kudos so far! Anyway, I just wanted to say hi! Enjoy~

When Dan woke up in the early hours of the morning, there were tears streaming from the corners of his eyes. Thankfully, he cannot recall his dream but his rapid heart rate and sudden feeling of anxiety would not allow him to get back to bed. He cursed his mind for whatever it was worrying about before getting up and making his way to the bathroom. 

Dan looked at his refection and grimaced as he noticed the dark circles under his almond-coloured eyes. He looked as tired as he felt. He splashed cold water on his face in an attempt to wake himself up further, but to no avail. It was pointless and what made it worse was the fact that he _knew_ he would only get more hours of unsettling, restless sleep if he continued any more. His hair was mocking him as it dared to remain a disheveled, wavy mess. He gave it a chance and it full-on betrayed him. It laughed in his face; it reminded him that he still looked as bad as he felt. 

He twisted his finger in his tangled locks then cursed as his finger got stuck. Why was he even holding onto his hair? Why did he even care?

 _"Danny, your hair is getting long, you look pretty."_

_"Men aren't supposed to be pretty..."_

_"Oh hush, they can be. Take it from a woman, you are beautiful sweetheart, and take that compliment like a man."_

Dan winced as he rubbed two fingers gently at his temple. His mind was a sadist; that, or he was truly a masochist--a glutton for pain. Dan attempted to shake his thoughts away, but that only resulted in intensifying the dull ache that was already settled in the front of his mind. Maybe he didn't need to hold on anymore because the funny thing about holding on is the fact that it only hurts. He feels as if holding on to his memories is like holding onto a cactus; the tighter he squeezes, the more damage he does. 

He could cut his hair off if he wanted and that sense of control was enough to dull his mind, for now.

*

"Dan can you- HOLY COW WHAT DID YOU DO?!"

Dan sat on the couch with pin straight hair landing past his collar bone. 

"My hair was a tangled mess and I couldn't sleep." He shrugged as if it were a casual thing. 

"I didn't even know you knew how to straighten hair," Phil admitted confused. 

"I was homeless, not stupid. Besides, I have had girlfriends before..." Dan mumbled the last part.

"Oooo was Danny boy a heart breaker back in the day," Phil teased as he reached out to touch the silky brunette locks.

Dan forced the other's hand away and followed that action with a cold glare, 

"Don't touch me and don't call me that," Dan snapped with a deep frown. 

"S-Sorry. I'll go make some coffee..." Phil replied with a look that could make anyone in this world feel bad. 

Dan instantly softened his features. "No, I'm sorry, I shouldn't have snapped. I'll make the coffee." 

Before Phil could even protest, Dan was brushing past him, his long locks slightly swaying with the breeze of his quick movements.

Dan could feel blue eyes boring into the back of his head as he brewed their morning coffee. Their was slight tension, but Dan knew it would soon pass over once they could find a topic to converse about. In fact, Dan thought of something that could possibly break that ice,

"How's your hangover?" He asked without even turning around to face Phil. 

"It's a hangover," Phil answered a little more timidly than usual.

The conversation ended right there because honestly Dan had no response to that. Instead, he focused on wasting as much sugar as possible in order to make Phil's morning coffee and he watched it go from a dark, rich brown hue to a bright obnoxious looking tan.

When Dan went to go hand it over Phil took it with much more caution and he sipped it gingerly, aka: a dead giveaway that he was now walking on eggshells. 

"Phil?" 

"Uh-" 

"I'm sorry, don't take my bitterness so personal. I just loathe nicknames," Dan lied in order to ease up this tension. He at least knew he needed to play nice with his flatmate. He didn't want to be rude to him, in fact, he wanted to really get along with him. 

The smile that came across Phil's face could light up any world, Hell, it could light up an entire universe. As if by some instinct, Dan found himself returning that smile.

*

The two sat in a peaceful comfortable silence as they drank their morning coffees. Dan scrunched his nose a little as his coffee was a little more bitter than usual, but he continued to drink it without any additions since it was a perfect reflection of his mood. He found it a little funny how the way someone drinks their coffee says a lot about who they are as a person. Dan's was bitter and always as hot as his temper, while Phil's was always overly sweet and also on the cooler side when he finally sipped it. That thought brought a small grin to his face and Phil caught it just at the last moment.

"Should I be concerned that you are smiling to yourself after you just made my coffee?" Phil asked with a nervous laugh. 

"To be fair, you did bring a complete stranger into your house. Who knows, maybe I was on the streets because I escaped from prison." Dan said so casually that it was actually a believable statement. Apparently it was so believable that it made Phil instantly spit his coffee back into his mug. 

"I'm kidding you spork," Dan chuckled. 

"So you just made me waste my coffee? Wait, did you just call me a spork?! You are crazy!" Phil laughed back before getting up to dump the remnants of coffee down the sink. He then froze at the sink before turning around as if he just remembered something. The look on Phil's face was absolute horror as his eyes made their way towards Dan. "I just remembered something," He said in a voice that was laced with urgency.

Dan raised his eyebrow in curiosity instead of providing a verbal response. 

"Your food, I ate it." Phil said absolutely horrified, as if Dan didn't already know. 

"I know, you told me," Dan couldn't help but laugh. He knew Phil was drunk last night but he didn't know he was _that_ drunk.

"And you already forgave me? Wow, maybe you are a psychopath who feels nothing. I would never forgive someone who ate my food, especially food that was that good." 

"You called it ace last night," Dan continued to smile, causing a deep dimple to crater his cheek. 

Phil looked completely mortified as a deep blush spread like a rash across his face. "Of course I did," he groaned as his face ended up in his hands.

"Actually come to think about it, when you are drunk you do sound very northern." Dan continued, reveling in the sights and sounds of Phil's embarrassment.

"I _am_ very northern," Phil grumbled.

Dan continued to laugh and poke fun at Phil for the rest of the morning. The tension was healed and Dan was almost relived by how easily Phil let his minor outburst go. He had to remind himself that Phil was a good person through and through.

*

Days seemed to all blend together in Phil's flat. They slipped into some form of a routine. Dan would barely sleep at night before he made coffee and breakfast; Phil would complain about going to work; Dan would clean the dishes before seeing Phil off to work; Phil would always linger for a moment before finally heading out.

It was comfortable and continued for weeks this way. They found some sort of rhythm and went along with it while also marching to their own beat. They spent a lot of time together and they also learned a lot about each other...well Dan learned a lot about Phil while Phil learned mostly about Dan's _habits_

Dan had a habit of screaming at video games. He screamed so loud once, that Phil received a complaint from one of his neighbours. It was hilarious however so he never asked Dan to stop. 

This wasn't really a habit, but Phil picked up on the fact that Dan was actually afraid of the Dark. He solved this by buying Dan a nightlight; well, it wasn't really a nightlight, but instead it projected the stars on the ceiling with a soft while light. Phil gave it to Dan as a Christmas gift claiming that he saw it and remembered Dan once mentioned a love for astrology. It was true, Dan did mention it so he didn't catch on at all to the fact Phil figured out his fear. 

Phil also picked up on Dan's habit to organize _everything_. Whenever Phil would throw a stack of work papers carelessly on the coffee table, he would come back to the pile neat and in order. 

Dan would always yell at Phil whenever he left his socks all over the house and whenever he left the kitchen cupboards wide open. 

"Why can't you learn how to close a fucking door?" Dan would always grumble, earning only a laugh in response. 

Phil definitely had poor habits, but hey, Dan had to earn his keep somehow. Picking up socks and closing cabinet drawers seemed like an awfully small price for living comfortably.

*

Somewhere between Christmas and New Years Phil returned up North to visit his family. Dan was invited, but of course he declined. It would be too foreign and too weird to join in the Lester family fun. Dan wondered a lot about what Phil was doing while he was away but really, having the place to himself was awesome. No more picking up socks and closing cabinets for him! He did however start to feel a little stir crazy when there truly was nothing left to do. He had no one to talk to and his mind was beginning to swim when he finally decided to pick up the house phone and dial Phil,

"Dan or a robber?" 

"Maybe both." Dan casually replied as a smile crept upon his face. 

"Is my house currently on fire?" 

"Really? You don't even care if I'm the one on fire?" 

"Dan, if you were really on fire I highly doubt you would be ringing me. So no, I believe that Dan is not on fire." 

"Sounds like some cringey username I would have come up with when I was younger."

"Personally, I would go with something more catchy like snow dude or Amazing Phil," Phil laughed into the phone. 

"Sounds like someone I would thoroughly avoid." Dan returned the laugh as he rested back onto the couch, turning on his Christmas gift. 

"Now I know you didn't just call to ask how I was doing so, what do you need?" Phil asked as someone in distance from his end hollered in laughter.

That laughter reminded Dan that Phil was enjoying time with his family and that he should not be intruding. He wanted to just hang up but, he needed a reason, 

"Well, I just wanted to know if I could sleep in your room since you're not here." Dan blurted out and instantly regretted it. He knew it sounded weird and creepy but surly Phil would just say no and move on, right? 

Wrong. 

"Sure thing materino!" Phil replied. Dan then realized, he was drunk. He doesn't know why he didn't catch on sooner, but hey at least he knew Phil would forget he even asked to sleep in his bed. 

"Don't worry, I will wash your sheets then." Dan chuckled. Hey, at least he got a bed out of this phone call. 

"Hey Dan?" Phil said just as he was about to hang up.

"Yes?" 

"Next time you should join me." With that, Phil hung up. 

Dan felt a smile form as he knew Phil would surly forget that as well. It was laughable on how he would even explain that to his family, _'Hey, I found this man on the streets and I took him in like a stray dog.'_ Dan actually laughed at the idea. However, he didn't completely rule it out.

That night, in Phil's bed, he had the best sleep he ever had. However, he was anxiously awaiting Phil's return. Maybe Dan was like a stray dog after all.


	7. Chapter 7

_"How would you describe love?"_

_"By definition, love is an intense feeling of deep affection."_

_"Daniel, you always do that." Soft pink lips poked out into a pout._

_"Well, you asked."_

_"If you would have asked me I would have said love is like a jewel. It can turn a mundane life into something special."_

_"So what you're saying is you need something shiny to feel special?"_

_"No, what I'm saying is, I don't need anything to feel special because I have you."_

*

"Daaaaaaaaaaaan!"

Dan ran from the lounge into the bedroom where he heard the screaming coming from only to find Phil on the floor holding up a pair of socks. Phil looked a mess; his hair was in a messy quiff, his glasses were falling towards the tip of his nose, and he looked like an absolute helpless child there. 

"You turnip! You nearly gave me a heart attack! I thought you were in trouble, or hurt!" Dan yelled as he tried to settle his startled heart. 

"I _am_ in trouble!" Phil whined as he lifted up one of the socks, revealing a hole at the ankle. 

"Just use a different sock. You never match anyway." Dan shrugged as he went to turn around. 

"That's not the issue!" Phil whined shamelessly. 

Dan sighed, he had no idea what Phil was on about but he knew he would never be able to get back to sleep at this point anyway. He decided to take the bait. 

"What is the issue then?" 

"These socks were my lucky socks!" 

Dan bit his lip as he tried to hold back a laugh. Lucky socks? That's what this was all about? _lucky. socks._

"I see you on the verge of laughter!" Phil continued to whine. He really was like a child. Phil was nearly 28 and yet he acted more like a five year old. Dan was younger than him by four years and he acted more like a father towards him these days than a flatmate.

Dan sighed as he made his way to meet Phil on the floor. He looked at the sock and decided it would be an easy enough fix. 

"When do you need them by?" 

"By lunch time. A new station wants to pick me up. As much as I love my job with the local channel, this one has more viewers. More viewers equals more money for the things I care about." Phil said looking like he was on the brink of tears. 

Dan rubbed his temples a little before giving somewhat of a fond smile. The world did not deserve Phil Lester. He knew that even though these socks were some form of placebo effect, it would still make him feel more confident for his meeting. 

"I'll bring it by. Now go on child." Dan smiled as he watched Phil's face light up.

"Thanks, Dad." Phil laughed as he grabbed a different pair of his mismatched socks and left the flat.

*

It didn't take Dan long at all to sew up the hole in the sock. He couldn't help but smile as he admired his own handiwork. Growing up, he typically had to sew and patch up clothing because it was hard to replace them at times, but times like this, those hardships paid off. Dan debated on bringing Phil lunch as well and finally settled on the idea once he thought about how pleased Phil would be in the end. Something about Phil and his smile felt familiar.

It wasn't even close to lunch time, but he wanted to get a head start anyway. Actually, Dan was curious about Phil and his job. He's been living with Phil for over a month now and although he knew the minute details that made Phil, _Phil_ , he honestly had no idea what he was like. He had no idea how the rest of the world saw him.

He picked up some takeaway from Phil's favourite Indian place before making his way to the studio. 

Dan might have lived on these streets for a while, but honestly, he had no idea how to get around. The tube was scary, Taxis were even scarier, But Dan had to choose between them in order to get to the station since it was an unrealistic walk. Holding the paper bag and Phil's socks close to his chest he analyzed those around him on the tube. It was a habit at this point. His cynical mind was always playing games with him; it was always whispering lies to him. There was a mother holding her child close to her. He gave a cold glare her way and saw her hold on tighter. Funny how people still judge a book by their cover. He knew if she walked past him on the streets she might leave a small amount of change, but since she had no indication of his status now, she was clearly judging him based on looks alone. He changed his glare into a smile and watched her relax. Humans were funny in the way they had natural instincts to body language alone. Dan decided to then get off one stop early so he could walk the rest of the way.

It was still mid-January so it was _cold_ it was refreshing in a way though. It really made Dan feel grateful for the situation he was in. Along the way, one block from the station, he saw someone. It wasn't someone he knew, but it was someone he could relate to. A homeless man sitting on the pavement. 

He looked cold, really cold. Dan felt a small pain of familiarity in his heart as he took a deep breath in before walking up to the man.

"You look cold." Dan said, stating the obvious. 

"You look warm," The man retorted. 

His tone and demeanor was all too familiar and he couldn't help but laugh a little. 

"Do you like Indian food?" He asked. 

"I do. You know, you are the first person to ever ask what I liked." The man on the pavement smiled. 

Dan took out his portion of the lunch and handed it over, thankfully it was still warm. It was still early and Dan had some time to spare so he decided to sit with the homeless man and listen to whatever he wanted to say. 

He learned the man's name was Brent and he was 32 years old. Although he was so young, bits of his scraggly beard were already going white. Dan wondered if his own brunette locks would have begun to grey if he had still been on the streets by the time he was Brent's age. 

Brent used to be a shop owner but his business went under once his wife divorced him. He has been on the streets for about a year now, moving from shelter to shelter when available. Sadly, today, that was not an option. 

Dan felt tears form in his eyes. Typically, he was not an emotional person but he knew what Brent was feeling. He wanted to show him a little bit of kindness so when he got up, he took off his coat and handed it over to Brent. 

"You'll catch a cold out here without a proper coat." Dan said forcing it into the other's hands. 

Brent looked like he was about to cry himself as he hugged the much heavier jacket to himself and smiled. It was a small act of kindness, but he knew it meant the world to Brent. Dan also couldn't help but notice the lack of shoes on Brent's feet. It was wet outside and Dan knew this was _very_ spontaneous, but without even thinking he took off his own boots. They were too big for Brent but at least the insulation will help his feet more that the thin socks and sheet he was using. Dan did one more thing and took off his own socks to make sure he wouldn't end up losing his toes since Brent's socks looked as thin as a pantyhose. 

Barefoot and cold he didn't say another word before just smiling at Brent and making his way over to the studio.

*

"Can I help you?"

The woman at the reception desk looked shocked and a little disgusted. She clearly took notice to Dan's appearance and _judged_. 

"I'm here to bring some things for Phil Lester," Dan mumbled slightly. He could literally feel her judgement at this point. 

"I'll bring him to you." The woman said and without another word, she picked up the phone. "Mr. Lester will be down in a moment. You can stand over there, be careful not to _touch_ anything."

Dan could hear the malice in her tone, but he didn't care. He didn't care about what anyone thought anyway. 

Phil appeared out of nowhere moments later looking confused and slightly concerned. 

"You know you didn't have to rush here that quickly." Phil stated taking the paper bag from Dan. 

"I didn't rush. I actually took my time." Dan said pushing the socks towards Phil as well. 

"You don't have a jacket on..." Phil's eyes then lowered to Dan's feet and his blue eyes widened in horror. "Where are your boots?! Where are your socks?!" He screeched. 

"Quit being dramatic...I gave them to someone. Listen, I will pay for my own new pair that, or I will pick up all your socks without another complaint ever again. Phil I just-" 

Dan stopped when he noticed Phil taking off his suit jacket and pushing that and his beloved _lucky socks_ in his direction.

"What are you doing?"

"You need them more than me right now. I shouldn't have made you come all this way for something so selfish. I'm sorry Dan, sometimes I forget where you came from." 

Those words stung a little. Where did Phil really think Dan came from? Did he think Dan just walked around with barely any clothing for fun? Phil's ignorance was a little annoying, but Dan also couldn't blame him at the same time. Phil Lester was just a rich kid. 

Dan shoved the jacket and socks back towards Phil with a look that clearly read: _I don't need them._ Even though he really did. Phil didn't argue with the silent seething however. 

"Let me at least call you a cab. You don't need to get sick, okay?" Phil offered. 

Dan softened his features. He knew Phil was trying his best and he was genuinely trying to be a good person. 

"Fine." Dan mumbled, throwing in the towel early. He knows by now Phil is very persistent. 

"Join me for lunch until then?" 

*

The receptionist was very insistent that Phil and _his friend_ had to stay within the lobby. Neither of them cared however and Phil was more than happy to tuck into his favourite food with no hesitation.

"Did you eat already?" Phil asked between bites after noticing there was nothing else besides his own food. 

"Something like that..." Dan mumbled as his stomach growling gave him away. 

"Dan!" 

"Phil." 

Phil didn't even have to think twice before holding out a bite to Dan. The blush that spread across Dan's face was definitely visible even to the receptionist who was quite the distance away from the two. Dan turned his head away in rejection of the food. 

"You need to think before you do things." Dan grumbled before taking the extra fork from the bag and helping himself. 

"Maybe I don't like to think." Phil smiled with a small laugh. 

Dan felt something. He couldn't quite put his finger on it, but he decided it was a good feeling. He knew Phil was too good for his own good. The man was ready to give up his bloody lucky socks to Dan for fucks sake. He honestly couldn't stop thinking about it, he honestly wanted to know what made Phil act so selflessly.

"Phil, why were you about to give me your lucky socks?" 

Phil looked up from his phone and his food. A bit of curry was dribbled on the corner of his mouth, Dan didn't even think before wiping it away with a napkin. Sometimes Phil was so helpless, Dan couldn't help himself.

"You needed them," Phil said simply. 

"But you needed them as well," Dan shot back. 

"Sometimes you have to remember who needs what more."

That answer was so _Phil_ it physically hurt Dan. How can someone actually be so kind? He didn't deserve Phil; no one deserved Phil. 

"The socks you're wearing, can I borrow those instead? This way you get your lucky socks, and I get something on my feet." 

Phil said no words before pulling off his shoes and socks without even a moment's hesitation. 

That gesture alone made Dan feel warm all the way home.

*

Dan felt himself freeze up again as he couldn't stop thinking about Phil once he got home. Something about his demeanor; something about his personality, it was almost painfully familiar. The similarities between Phil and _her_ were gut wrenching at best.

He was finally able to pinpoint why he found such solace in Phil's smile. He finally figured out why it felt a little bit like _home_.

Dan knew he would have to face his demons eventually because finding little things about Phil to replace his thoughts and memories of _her_ was unhealthy. Phil was not her; Phil would never be her, yet Dan realized by instinct he was trying to substitute her. 

Dan rubbed his headache away as he waited for Phil to come home.

*

_Phil got the job and Dan got a new jacket._

The next week; maybe even two, were a blur. Dan was back on his routine and Phil was preparing himself for his new job. He was set to start on the 30th of that month, a day Dan would learn was Phil's birthday. 

Dan obviously did not have money do to anything, but he did at least have some tricks up his sleeve.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello friends! So, I am trying to get a few chapters out within these next few days because I will be on vacation next week! I really hope ya'll are enjoying this so far because I really am having a fun time writing this! :) If you want to catch up with me while I am away, just tweet me @ gingersnapphan!

You know what's funny about life? The fact that it always ends. 

Morbid, I know, but hear me out. 

One year older means one year closer to inevitable death. That is true, there is no getting around that and that is truest truth of the world. 

Benjamin Franklin once said: "Our new Constitution is now established, and has an appearance that promises permanency; but in this world nothing can be said to be certain, except death and taxes." 

He has a point. If you aren't old enough to pay taxes yet, just know, it truly is unavoidable. The truths of this world; the certainties of this life, they all make the world go round.

Why is it that we as humans celebrate someone getting older? Why do we celebrate getting closer to death? Well, I have finally discovered that we are actually celebrating another year of life. 

You see, every year we celebrate a transition two times: One at the turn of the new year, and the other when we become another year older.

This is because we love to celebrate progress. That, and we love a good excuse to consume mass amounts of alcohol and cake.

Celebrating someone else's life is something so beautiful and pure. It's a day to make someone else feel good about how far they have come and how they have spent another year living. It can be awkward at times however, especially if you truly have no idea how to celebrate someone you barely know. 

However, sometimes the sentiment alone is enough to become the greatest gift.

*

"Red, blue, red, blue, fuck it!"

Dan is up to his neck in planning a surprise for Phil with very little money. He's been deciding between the colour for the icing on Phil's cake for nearly 3 hours now before realizing he doesn't even know Phil's favourite colour, or even his preference in cake flavour. "Red velvet, chocolate, vanilla, DEATH." Dan decided then and there that he wants a death flavoured cake so he no longer has to worry about it. However, he knows Phil has more of a sweet tooth so he settles on buying a dozen cupcakes of various flavours.

Dan rubs his pulsing temples as if it can stop the migraine that's full force. Why did he decide to do this? Why did he decide he wanted to be a good person? Realizing he finds such comfort in Phil's happiness is annoying. He never asked for this; he never asked to feel happy. Dan wanted to go back to his bitter life, in his own bitter world, sipping on his bitter coffee.

Right now he finds himself sitting on a newer couch (one that Phil surprised Dan with. It even has a pull out bed!), in a place he is slowly learning to call home, sipping on semi-sweet coffee because he finally caved in and added a hint of cream and sugar.

Dan has come to terms with some truths in his own life and the truest truth he has at the moment is the realization he wants to celebrate Phil. He wants to see Phil's face when he comes in the door after a long day at his new job, he wants to watch how his eyes sparkle and how the entire room seems to light up along with him. Dan doesn't know much about life, but he knows he wants to give some form of pay back for all Phil has done thus far.

Finding solace in someone is weird. Is it just a fleeting feeling that will diminish until it's nothing? Is it something that will only expand over time? Is it friendship, or is it something greater? Dan has decided not to define it for now because it is too soon, but what he has decided is that he wants to continue to see that smile. It may be selfish, but wanting someone to be happy can't be **that** selfish, can it?

__

_Red, blue, red, blue._

*

Dan has finally retrieved the cupcakes and hung up red and blue streamers because he realized he can't be wrong if he has both. He ordered pizza as well and set up Mario Kart because Dan knows that those are Phil's favourite things. Everything seems a little last minute and from an outsider's perspective, they might say Dan just threw this all together, but in reality it was all carefully thought out.

Now, he waits. 

Minutes turn into hours and Dan grows concerned thinking maybe something happened to Phil along the way. He could cave in, he could use the house phone to call Phil, but he feels that just might be too over dramatic. 

The pizza grows cold, Mario Kart alone is becoming boring, and cupcakes aren't really Dan's thing. Dan feels anxious, unsure, and honestly just scared. The house phone going off literally almost caused a heart attack, but Dan got up to answer it anyway. 

"Phil?" He answered right away, his voice wavering slightly. 

There is loud music in the background and lots of shouting. Dan can't tell if someone accidentally called this house by mistake, or even where all this noise is coming from. Once he hears shouting into the phone he finally understands: Phil is at some club, drunk off his ass. 

"DAAAAAAAAN! HELP! I GOT DRAGGED HERE AGAINST MY WILL BY MY NEW CO-WORKERS!" 

"Oh? let me guess, they forced shots down your throat as well." Dan deadpanned. 

He didn't mean to come across as cold, but honestly something about knowing Phil was in some club most likely pressed up against some girl and her bountiful- never mind. He was just over thinking. Honestly, Phil was probably too drunk to even pick up on Dan's attitude anyway.

"WELL, NO I DID THEM MYSELF BUT I AM 28, MY BARTENDER IS 28, AND I AM 28, AND IDK WHO I AM."

"Congratulations on becoming another year wiser. Truly you have become more philosophical in your old age." Dan sarcastically shot back. 

"DAN, DAN! CAN YOU COME HERE?" Phil whined in a way that made Dan's heart skip a beat and his stomach drop in dread at the same time.

Dan could say no, he knows Phil would't even be offended. Actually, he knows Phil won't even really remember tonight. Dan, someone who is socially awkward, spent a portion of his life homeless, and has only been to clubs a few times made up his mind once he heard a female voice whispering something next to Phil's ear.

"Tell me where you are." Dan sighed.

*

It's funny how life turns out sometimes.

One moment you are hating life, freezing cold, and sleeping outside like an abandoned dog. 

Within that same timeline of life you find yourself learning to love life, still in the freezing cold, running to someone as if they are your owner. 

Dan has never been honest with his feelings when it comes to anything. It took him three full years to fall in love the first time because his mind is so indecisive. Once he finally figured out his feelings the first time, it was truly the beginning of the end. 

There are three points of Dan's life where he can honestly say he was happy: 

The first was the first time he played through and finished Final Fantasy VII

The second was when he met _her_

The third was the day he found himself drenched in coffee on the pavement. 

Does happiness equal love? Is that really what Dan is feeling towards Phil? He has never had a penchant towards men before, so why would he now? Love was confusing; life was even more confusing. The way it twists and turns and tries to throw you off path constantly is annoying. Why couldn't Dan's life be a straight path? Why couldn't it always have been so simple?

Dan shook his thoughts away as he finally found the place he was looking for.

*

Dan must really be looking old, he thought as the bouncer let him in without any question. He thought his lack of facial hair made him look like a child, but he supposes his upgrade in clothing and the long wavy mess he calls hair does make him look at least a little more his age.

Dan searched; he followed laughter; he followed voices, until finally he found Phil. 

Phil was still in his work clothes from this morning but his suit jacket was long abandoned as he happily was dancing surrounded by a crowd that Dan could assume was his co-workers. 

"Phil! Phil! Phil!" They were all chanting as Phil's cringe-worthy dancing was being viewed by several. 

Phil stopped the moment he saw Dan.

His co-workers all shrugged but closed the gaps of the circle after Phil left. 

"Hey! You made it!" Phil said embracing Dan tightly. 

Dan felt his face heat up a little at the sudden contact, but he did eventually return the hug. 

"Yeah, it is your birthday after all." Dan chuckled, stepping back. 

"Yes, I know, but I didn't think clubs were your thing!"

"I didn't think clubs were _your_ thing."

"They aren't! I told you, I was dragged here against my will!" 

Dan could pretend to believe that, actually it was believable, but something inside him wanted a reason to hold onto his bitterness. At least for a few more moments.

"So, do I get a shot for showing up?" Dan asked, deciding to put his feelings aside.

*

"CHUG CHUG CHUG!" Phil cheered Dan on as he downed yet another beer.

"Fuuuuuck this is going to suck tomorrow." Dan groaned, feeling the effects of this alcohol. 

"It's okay, we can sleep in tomorrow anyway!" Phil cheesed as he handed over another drink. 

The music was blaring, there were so many others around Dan and Phil, but still somehow it felt like they were alone. Dan could have never done or thought up anything this fun for Phil and that thought made his heart sink a little. Was he just projecting his feelings? Was he only trying to find a replacement for his own selfish desires? He didn't know. He really fucking didn't know and it was really fucking frustrating. Why did he want to be the reason Phil was smiling so much? _Does happiness equal love?_.

*

The pair stumbled through the door in the early hours of the morning. The room was spinning, laughter was filling the air, and Dan was holding Phil up and supporting him with an arm around Phil's waist.

"That was amazing!" Phil cheered as he flopped onto the couch. 

"You nearly drank the whole bar, Phil do we need to throw you an intervention? You seem to drink a lot these days." Dan said casually as he took the place next to Phil. 

"No, no! I just needed a good reason to loosen up! Besides, it was a national holiday!"

"It was?" Dan asked raising an eyebrow in confusion. 

"Yes of course it was my birthDAAAAAY!" Phil ended up shouting the last bit a little. He really was shitfaced at this point.

Dan couldn't help but laugh. This was so Phil, this was the Phil he has gotten to know so well after so little of time. Is this how it is supposed to be? Are you supposed to literally wake up randomly one day and suddenly feel different towards someone? 

Maybe just maybe the signs were there all along. 

The signs were in the way Dan would chuckle at Phil's appearance in the morning.

The signs were there whenever he would hear Phil whine after losing countless rounds of Mario Kart.

The signs were there in the crinkled up nose whenever Phil was offered cheese.

The signs were there in the emptiness of the flat when Phil was away.

Most importantly, the signs were there the first time Phil reached out for Dan. A homeless man on the pavement.

"Hey Phil?" Dan felt a lump suddenly in his throat. 

"Hey Dan?" Phil shot back right away with a cheeky smile that made Dan's stomach _flip_.

"Have you ever been in love?" 

The question was bold and the silence was bolder. Phil's smile dropped into a more serious expression once he finally processed what had been said.

"Once." Phil mumbled.

The topic was dropped then and there. No names were said and the expression on Phil's face said enough about how it ended. 

Somewhere within the sunrise Phil finally snapped out of the daze he had been sitting in for the past half hour before finally noticing what was around him. 

"Red and blue?" Phil asked, finally putting a smile back on and pointing up the the streamers that were holding on by a thread from the ceiling. 

Dan blushed, he was caught off guard so suddenly and he had honestly forgotten the night he had originally planned. 

"I thought maybe you would have wanted to celebrate at home." Dan mumbled, rubbing the back of his neck. 

Phil leaned on Dan's shoulder and hummed his contentedness. 

"You didn't have to. I love it, thanks Dan." 

"You didn't have to pick me up off the street so thank you, Phil." Dan smiled as he dared to let his hand drift and play with Phil's dark locks. 

"Hey Dan?" 

"Hmm?" Dan hummed in response. He was beginning to feel sleepy as he found warmth and comfort in this position. 

"Have you ever been in love?" 

Dan's hand froze in Phil's hair before he retracted it completely. He knew this question would come one day and in order to give a proper answer he had to take a moment to reflect. He had to realize what he has felt and what he does feel. There was a gap; a moment of hesitation, that moment however was the only answer he needed before mumbling,

"Twice."


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I feel like I should post a little trigger warning because there is a small implication of suicide. Eventually I will have to get more in depth about it, but rest assure I will give a warning ahead of that chapter as well! Enjoy my friends! <3

How can silence be so loud? 

It can literally be deafening at points even though there is no noise going on around you...why is that? 

Is it the fact that you become hyper aware of everything else once all noise and form of distractions are taken from you? 

Perhaps its the sound of your heart beating, or the sound of the blood literally flowing through your veins? 

No matter what it is, silence is so damn loud.

*

Dan woke up with a splitting headache, alone.

The silence in the room was only making his head split further as he was suddenly aware of everything that was going on around him--which happened to be absolutely nothing.

His mind was hazy as he tried to piece together and fill in the gaps of the early hours of the morning. 

He remembers his hands being in Phil's hair as he was leaned up against him. 

He remembers the way his heart was pounding with every small movement Phil made. 

He remembers his feeling of contentedness as he breathed in the light scent of Phil's cologne mixed with alcohol.

If he remembers so much why does he feel so much dread right now? Why does he feel like he over shared something? The last actual thing Dan remembers is...Oh right, he remembers _that_. 

He remembers his emotions getting the best of him as he indirectly admitted his feelings towards someone he should be able to say he barely knows. 

Dan curses the liqueur that flooded his judgement, he curses it with every fiber of his being.

It was out in the open now, open for interpretation, but he also had a twinge of hope once he remembered Phil was even more drunk than him last night. He surely would not remember what they talked about, right? He wouldn't bring it up and press further questions, would he? 

Dan had to shake his thoughts away which only aggravated his already pounding head.

He finally made his way out the lounge and into the kitchen as he brewed possibly the strongest batch of coffee that ever existed. He needed it, he really did. 

There was a moment where he felt queasy as he leaned over the sink but it quickly passed. He knows if he feels this awful, Phil must be feeling even worse. 

Dan stared down at his large hands that wrapped around the mug. His hands were beginning to feel the burn but he found himself too stuck in his head to actually react and remove them. Why was he dwelling so much? This feeling of uncertainty would honestly be the death of him. 

He was finally starting to gather his thoughts when the door to Phil's room swinging him open made him tense up once again.

"Morning," A tired, almost queasy sounding voice mumbled.

"Welcome to the land of the living," Dan was able to respond right away as he finally snapped out of his trance. 

Phil walked straight past the table Dan was sitting at as he poured his own mug off coffee and began chugging it without even adding anything. 

"Do I need to call an ambulance for you?" Dan said with a chuckle. 

This was good, things felt good.

Phil took his spot at the table across from Dan, "No, just never let me drink that much again. I feel like complete shit." Phil groaned downing the rest of his bitter coffee. 

Dan couldn't stop the smile that spread across his face even if he wanted to. 

"Did you have a good time at least?" Dan asked. 

"From what I remember, yes." Phil finally smiled. "They say a hangover is an indication on how much fun you had so I must have had the time of my life." 

"Who says that?" Dan questioned.

"Me. I say it." Phil laughed before getting up to pour another mug, this time adding his usual amount of additives.

It was almost as if nothing at all happened last night. Dan could finally relax and he really did once he saw Phil scrolling through his phone and acting like he usually would any other morning. He knew he was worrying for no reason after all. Things really have not changed. 

It wasn't until there was a moment of hesitation, a moment of complete silence. 

"Dan?" Phil said, breaking that moment. 

"Yes? Do you need more coffee or something?" Dan asked still holing onto his moment of ignorant bliss. 

"Can I ask some questions about you now?" 

There it was. Dan's heart absolutely stopped. If Phil would have asked this any other day he would not have been so weary but today, today was different. He could no longer ignore it. He knew it was only fair. Besides, Phil would probably ask generic questions like about his family, right?

"Sure," Dan finally breathed out. 

"You don't have to answer if you don't want to...I just-I want to know how you ended up on the streets. Is that okay to ask? You can tell me if it's too much." Phil said with a smile that made Dan feel at ease. 

"It's not too much, it's about time I tell you anyway." 

Dan was lying. It was too much, it was far too much, but he couldn't hide it forever. He had to face up to his demons eventually. 

Phil locked his blue eyes on Dan as he held out a hand to hold for comfort. 

Dan wanted to take it, he really did, but that notion would be far too much for him right now. Instead he kept his hands wrapped around his mug as he took a deep breath in,

"How did I end up on the streets? I ended up there because I was following someone."

*

"Danny, look at that! I swear London is the prettiest city in the entire world!" 

Those words escaped velvety lips that were now stretched into a perfect smile. 

"Evangeline, we've been over this already. Nothing is pretty about London. It's full of rats, pigeons, and diseases." 

"How can you live your life being so bitter! It's no wonder you don't want to live somewhere that shines so bright! Because all you are is a big, soulless, downer!" Evangeline poked her perfectly pink lips into a pout and Dan felt his heart pound. 

"The reason I don't have a soul is because I gave it to you Eva, you have every piece of me." Dan smirked before pulling Evangeline's hand to his lips and reveled in her blush. 

"Oh you're just trying to get off easy." Evangeline mumbled, trying to act upset, but her smile gave her true feelings away. 

\- 

"I got a job at a coffee shop today Danny!" Evangeline busted through the door of their very cramped apartment.

"Congrats Eva, are we going to celebrate? I can order us some pizza if you want?" Dan offered as he put his newspaper down. He had been looking all month for a job, with no luck. 

"No, save your money, I want to celebrate with **you.** " 

Dan quirked a brow before Evangeline ending up in his lap made everything clear. 

\- 

"Don't you think you're over working?" Dan questioned with a concerned tone as he listened to Evangeline's coughing from the kitchen.

"I'm not working enough! I want us to have good life so if that means picking up the slack sometimes, that is okay with me." She smiled making the short trip from the kitchen to the lounge. She leaned in and kissed Dan in a way that made his entire mind numb. Whenever she kisses him like that, he forgets about all his problems. 

"I'm sorry, I'm really trying to get a good job." Dan mumbled against her lips before stealing another kiss. 

Evangeline pulled back to let her crystal blue eyes meet Dan's almond brown ones. 

"I know, I really do, that is why I never complain or push you too hard. Life will work out for us, life will get better. I don't need anything nice in life anyway because I have you." 

With that Evangeline went off to work and Dan continued to search.

-

"I got the job!" Dan now was the one busting through the door.

Evangeline was asleep on the couch. She really has been working so hard lately but with Dan's new job, she will at least be able to cut back on her hours. 

Dan didn't even bother to wake her, instead he took in the sight of her sleeping and felt his heart go **wild.** He was in love, head over heels. He never understood how two people could stay together through thick and thin, through the good times and the bad times, through sickness and in health. He never understood that until he found his own reason.

He made his way into their small bedroom and cut a piece of twine from a spool before making his way back to Evangeline who was on the couch still fast asleep. 

In a careful motion he tied the twine around her left ring finger and kissed it before heading back out. An occasion like this required flowers. Flowers as beautiful as his Evangeline. 

\- 

Life really did get better after that. Dan continued to bring in more money from his job as Evangeline got a promotion to manager within six months of working. Life was good. Dan was determined to create a better life for the both of them. They were still so young but they had everything already figured out. Evangeline wanted to get married in the spring, she would always say that it's best to get married then because that means your love will grow along with the life around it.

Dan wasn't sold on the idea because pollen equals sneezing and puffy eyes which would not make him an attractive groom. 

"But just think about it Danny! I love you no matter how you look! Besides, if you are so allergic, why do we always have fresh flowers?" Evangeline pointed out as she pointed to the vase holding this week's flowers. 

"I do that because you deserve no less." Dan smiled before pulling Evangeline into his arms. 

"May I have this dance?" Evangeline giggled, pulling herself closer to Dan. 

"There's no music..." Dan said confused with a slight frown that was instantly kissed away. 

"You are always so logical. Use your imagination for once. Imagine we are having our first dance as Mr. and Mrs. Howell." 

Dan smiled and closed his eyes as he slowly began swaying. He held Evangeline tight because she was the only one he wanted to hold this closely.

Once Evangeline pulled away she asked, "What song did you imagine?" 

"What?" 

"What song? Oh come on, you had to have been hearing something Daniel!" Evangeline pouted. 

__

"Oh...right. I did hear a song but I honestly did not recognize it." Dan frowned a little. 

"Play it for me then." Evangeline smiled, lighting up the world around them. 

And so Dan did. He pulled out the old hand-me-down keyboard that they bought at a yard sale and he played the song that came to mind. It was lovely, it was perfect. Dan wanted this to be a song that was dedicated to the love of his life, Dan wanted this to be their song. Evangeline deserved the world, and Dan would find a way to give it to her. 

"Hey Eva, don't you want a new ring?" He asked after he finished playing through their song for the third time. 

Evangeline had her eyes closed and she finally opened them along with putting a smile on her face. 

"Never, I love my twine. It's like a reminder, it's something I will never forget."

"You know that was a place holder, right?" Dan asked. 

"I can't hear yooooou!" Evangeline giggled, walking away from Dan.

-

They never made it to the alter. Dan never got to grow old with his Evangeline.

__

*

Phil looked heartbroken. He was trying to take in everything he just heard Dan say.

"Did she..?" Phil carelessly asked. 

"Yes, she's gone. I've accepted it however. After Evangeline died I lost my own will to live. I quit my job, I left our apartment, I basically put myself on the streets because I blamed myself. I didn't see any of the signs Phil, actually, I saw them but I chose to ignore them. What I just told you, those were only the good times. You see, as humans we never want other people to feel sorry. We always want to share the good things. Evangeline, she was the love of my life and she was perfect for me but she still had her problems, her own demons. I'm not ready to share that part of our life, not yet at least." 

There were tears overflowing and running down Dan's cheek. He felt his stomach twisting in pain as he re-opened old wounds. That day was nearly two years ago but it still feels like yesterday. He still sees her lifeless body mangled, he still can smell the blood. 

This was too much. He was not ready to share but sharing a piece of his past, a piece of his heart, made him somehow feel lighter. Once he felt arms tightly hugging around his shoulders he completely lost it. He turned so that his face was buried in Phil's shoulder as his tears soaked through his shirt. He felt comfort however, he knew things were starting to get better.

"Dan, I won't pry anymore I just-"

"You can pry whenever. I already told you, I am getting better. After I put myself on the streets I learned how to solve things on my own. I learned how to rely on no one and I learned how to be bitter. Actually, I've always been bitter." Dan laughed a little before finally pulling back. 

"So then you are learning to rely on me then?" Phil asked.

"Bit by bit, yes. You Phil Lester are a reminder that there is still good in this world." 

Phil smiled and gave Dan another quick hug. 

"This is a little unrelated, but do you want a job at the station? We have an opening for a Janitor position. It doesn't pay much, but,-"

"I'll take it." 

And so he did. Dan took the job and remembered exactly what it felt like to have a little piece of his heart taken as well.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really hope you enjoyed this chapter! I thought I would finally throw in some answers! Just a heads up, I might not be posting for a week after this chapter because I will be away so don't be surprised if you see no updates until then!


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello friend's, I am back! I'm sure not many people missed me, but i missed ya'll! I can't wait to get back to updating more frequently! Thank ya'll for being patient with me!

When Dan was ten years old he almost drowned. 

It was a hot summer day, but a good one none the less. He had been at the public pool all afternoon with his younger brother. He and his brother never had that many bonding moments since their relationship was a little strained because of reasons that are neither here nor there, but it was a good brotherly bonding kind of day. 

Dan had jumped into the deep end and suddenly, he had forgotten how to swim. It was ludicrous, the idea of him forgetting how to swim at his age, but it happened. Dan had jumped, taken a leap of faith almost, and began to sink. 

He remembers the feeling of sinking along with the numbness that paired with it. Dan wasn't thinking about anything in particular, at least nothing memorable. He had no sense of urgency and his body was not reacting in the way it should have. He should be thrashing around, he thought, but did not act. Instead, he let water fill his lungs as he slipped into a comfortable state of defeat. 

Typically, when time slows down like this your life should flash before your eyes, but Dan was still young and had nothing to truly reflect on. He was so willing to give in to the darkness that it was almost _scary_. 

Finally, someone screaming from above snapped him back into reality. He began finally thrashing around as the water filling his lungs became heavy and painful. He wanted to live, he had no idea why he suddenly changed his mind, but he really fucking wanted to live. 

Dan was pulled out of the pool and funny enough, water being forced out of his lungs actually hurt more than when it was forcing him to sink. 

Falling in love had the same reaction on him. He was willing to give in, let it fill his entire existence as he numbly sank deeper, deeper, _deeper_. He could continue to fall forever, forever falling in a numb content state. However, he began to panic, thrash around, and _feel_. He could feel his entire mind buzzing with worst case scenarios, buzzing with the what if's of his harsh realities. His mind spiraling out of control brought him back to reality. A reality where he could indeed get hurt.

Falling in love and dying, they were almost one in the same.

*

"I can hear you snickering, you know." Dan hissed as he straightened his janitorial cap on top of his wavy, messy long locks.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry it's just-...you-" 

Another snicker earned a cold glare from Dan as he reached for his pillow from the couch and threw it at Phil, knocking his glasses askew. 

"Hey!" Phil whined, throwing the pillow back at Dan. 

"You deserved it, mate," Dan shrugged as he buttoned the final button of his work jump suit and groaned at his reflection. 

"You look like a teenager going to his first job." Phil chuckled into Dan's ear. 

That caught him off guard. Phil's low voice, the teasing backhand comment, the hot breath that filled his ear--it really was fucking distracting.

"I will shove my mop up your ass." Dan growled before stomping away, hiding his flushed face behind his tantrum.

Phil just laughed as his long legs caught up with Dan's quickly.

*

Dan had no idea what to expect. He had taken this job after he poured out his heart and soul. He opened up, and an opportunity opened with him as well. He was a little relieved that his job was close to Phil, but not too close. He didn't have to be distracted all day long, unless he wanted to. A sense of control, that was all he needed to be grounded back to reality.

It was his first day on the job and something about having a job where he could just clean all day gave him a sense of comfort. He always did find solitude in a clean area. Dan continued to sweep, mop, and do whatever else he needed to do in order to keep the studio looking spick and span.

Dan had gotten so lost in his cleaning that he almost missed lunch.. _almost_ being the key word here as Phil suddenly brought him back to reality. 

"Daaaaniel." Phil whispered next to Dan's ear, causing Dan to turn quickly with his mop in a threatening position.

"Don't do that unless you want to pick splinters out your ass for a week." Dan frowned, dropping his guard. 

Phil chuckled as his tongue slipped out from between his teeth in a truly mischievous fashion. "Sorry, I couldn't resist."

"You seem to be unable to resist a lot of things these days."

Those words were careless and Dan felt his face heat up slightly as he realized the double meaning behind his own words. He wished for a reality where those words could mean something else to Phil, but he knew in this reality it was met at face value: Phil just being a mischievous prick.

"Come on, lets go get lunch!" Phil said completely oblivious as he lead the way to the break room.

*

Dan had no expectations when Phil said he wanted to eat lunch together, even so, he had not expected _this_ .

The flatmates were sat next to each other while on the other side sat a girl who was far too pretty to be a news caster. 

Her hair was jet black and cut into a stylish bob. Her face was fair, but had a slight blush to it that radiated beauty and innocence at the same time. Her lips were painted the perfect shade of red and as plump as can be without looking fake. Her eyes, they were stunning. Her eyes were a deep onyx blue and the dark liner that surrounded them only made them more striking. Damn, she was beautiful.

Dan bit his lip a little in nervousness and intimidation from sitting across from such a gorgeous female. 

"Elizabeth, this is Dan! Dan, this is Elizabeth!" Phil said with a cheesy smile.

"I've heard so much about you, Dan." Elizabeth said with a tone Dan couldn't quote pinpoint. It was somewhere between arrogance and confidence. 

"And I have heard absolutely nothing about you." Dan said coming off almost as an asshole, but dammit she was pretty and looking at Phil in ways that made his stomach _churn_.

Dan couldn't help but wonder where Phil's relationship stood with this _Elizabeth_. Dan also couldn't help but wonder how Phil expressed his relationship with Dan.

Lunch was a little more tense than Dan had wished for, but that was only from his perspective it seemed. 

Elizabeth and Phil were laughing; full on hysterical, and it hurt. Dan wanted to join in on the laughter, but instead he found himself drowning his sorrows with his bitter coffee. 

The pair, they had such a natural chemistry and Dan already knew if they were sitting side by side they would be a picture perfect couple. The bants between the other two, it burned. He felt his lungs filling up with dread as his mind tried to numb the pain, and spoiler alert: it didn't fucking work. Jealously, this is exactly what jealousy is. 

Dan remembers the first time he ever felt it. It still feels like yesterday; him shouting at Evangeline, him accusing her of fucking her manager behind his back to gain a promotion. Dan's mind throbbed at the memory as he quickly excused himself to the lavatory.

Once Dan was alone, he locked himself in the stall as he cradled his face between his hands and tried to steady his breathing. 

Jealousy was ugly and honestly, one hell of a drug. It impaired all his judgement and blocked all his senses in a way that was slightly addictive, but not in a good way. It was almost like taking a hardcore drug after a night of drinking. It was reckless, it would keep him up for days, but it would also make him feel invincible.

What the fuck was he doing? 

Dan busted out of the stall as he made his way to the sink. He analyzed his face and pulled his messy hair into a poofy ponytail. Cold water cooled his burning face and temper along with it. 

"She is just a friend, Dan. Get a fucking grip." He reassured himself as he looked directly into his own eyes through the mirror before making his way back to the lunch room. 

There was Elizabeth, but no Phil. Dan decided he could continue walking as he owed Elizabeth no explanation, but instead his legs betrayed him as they moved back and took his former seat.

Elizabeth leaned forward a bit almost as if she was analyzing Dan. 

“So, Elizabeth-“ 

Elizabeth immediately held up her hand to cut him off with a cold glare. 

“Cut the shit Dan, I know your intentions.” She practically hissed. 

Dan raised an eyebrow before leaning back in his seat, waiting for her to elaborate. 

“Phil is so beautifully, blissfully ignorant. But me? Oh no, I’m not. I can see the way you look at him. Dan, you know he’s not gay right?” 

“You know I’m not gay either, right?” Dan deadpanned. 

“I'm going to let you in on a secret. Phil is in love with my sister, Penelope. They have been in love for two years, but Phil is so beautifully ignorant he can’t see it anymore. You know, they broke up because of you right?” 

Dan was puzzled he actually knew nothing about Phil or anything that went on before, or even really after him. “No,” he finally answered. 

“Well, they did. Penelope was set to move in with Phil right before you came along.” 

“I’m sorry-“ 

“No, you’re not.” 

Elizabeth wasn't wrong. Dan really wasn't sorry but honestly knowing he took a little bit of Phil’s happiness did sting a little. 

“Just do everyone a favour and move on. Phil isn't gay and he’s going to marry my sister.” Elizabeth hissed before standing up and walking away. Dan watched as she passed Phil with a smile and gave him a tight embrace, careful to lock eyes with Dan as she did it.

Dan never thinks rude thoughts about women, but Elizabeth was an exception. He wanted to wipe that damn smirk off her face, but of course he would never actually lay a hand on her. This was frustrating and all this new information was burning his mind. He needed to step away for a moment--he needed to clean something.

*

Without even thinking, Dan eventually found himself cleaning the same broadcasting room Phil was in. He was still upset, he was still fuming, but he really was a lost mut without his owner.

Dan wondered why Phil never mentioned anything about Penelope. I mean, technically he did but that mumbled **_once_** was not enough at this point. Dan opened up about his past, so why couldn't Phil? 

Dan took a deep breath and remembered what Elizabeth said then realized Phil's wounds were far fresher than his own. Dan really was a selfish prick sometimes.

He found himself watching Phil. He's never actually seen Phil work and damn, it made his heart pound. Phil in his form-fitting navy suit was breathtaking at best. Dan had it **bad**. He continued to mop the same area over and over in his daze before eventually a squeak broke his trance. 

"Oh fuck, are you okay?" Dan asked, holding his hand out to help whoever fell. 

The woman who was on the floor was beautiful. Damn this station knew how to hire pretty people. Her hair was blonde, and not like a box dye blonde, it was natural and beautiful. It was shoulder length and straight, looking so shiny and soft that Dan had to restrain himself from touching it. Her skin looked just as soft as light freckles danced along her fair face. If Dan had met her first, he might even fall in love with her for her features alone. She was so breathtaking that she only needed light brown eyeliner to accentuate her bright green eyes and a soft pink lip gloss to highlight her plump lips.

She took Dan's hand and her's was _soft_ . Everything about her was soft and silky looking, almost angelic. 

"I really need to watch where I am going more." The woman smiled, reveling her perfect pearly whites. 

"U-uh no, sorry, it was my fault for not putting up a cation sign first." Dan mumbled. 

"Howell," The woman breathed out as her lips pursed tightly together afterwards. 

"What? Oh!" Dan looked down at the patch with his last name sewn onto the front of his uniform. "You can just call me Dan," he added. 

"Penelope," The woman said, holding out her hand for a proper greeting. 

"Penelope...as in-" Dan shut himself up immediately since he did not know how much he was supposed to know. 

"Formerly, yes," She laughed in a way that was almost a little sad, a little broken as well.

"I, uh- I met your sister earlier. Lovely woman." Dan lied, finally drawing back his hand. 

"My sister? Oh! You mean Liz! She's not really my sister, but she puts on a front to seem more threatening whenever...she sees a threat...oh bloody hell," Penelope finally pieced things together fully in her mind. "You are **_that_** Dan, aren't you?"

"Depends on if you are **_that_** Penelope." 

"Perhaps," Penelope laughed a little. "Perhaps we should discuss such things outside of here, yeah?" She added before taking Dan's hand without warning.

*

First days on the job are always fucking weird. This however, this is over the top.

Dan had somehow found himself sitting across from his current love interest's former lover. Dan had no idea what do or say. Is this normal? He feels like this is completely the opposite of normal. Why was Penelope so calm? Why wasn't she talking? Dan occupied himself by adding creamer to his coffee and stirring it. He didn't need the creamer, he just needed something to focus on and that seemed the least weird considering he had no phone to bury his face in. 

Penelope was watching him, he could feel her green eyes ripping him apart and analyzing his every movement. He couldn't take this tension anymore, he had to cut it.

"Pen-"

"Shh." Penelope snipped right away and it threw Dan off. 

He was a little intimidated by her, no, he was full on terrified of her. He didn't dare even risk another glance until finally, she spoke. 

"I don't get it." She finally admitted, sipping on her tea. 

"Get what?"

"Why Phil chose you over me." Penelope said as she placed her cup down a little aggressively as droplets of tea dotted the table they were sitting at. 

"I didn't even know there was a choice," Dan admitted. He really was clueless until only a few hours ago. 

"Of course you didn't, it wasn't a choice for you to make." Penelope practically hissed. For someone who looks so innocent, she really was scary. 

"Listen, I am-"

"Sorry?" She snorted. "Yeah right. Oh boo-hoo I am so sorry that I got picked up off the street by some rich guy that happens to also be super hot." Penelope mocked.

"It wasn't even like that! I told him to go away!" Dan slammed down on the table, causing those around them to look over. 

Penelope smirked a little as she stood up, "Hot temper. I like you Howell, game on. By the way, you are fucking welcome for the job." She said before walking off with no further addition to their conversation.

Fuck, Penelope was like some two headed beast with dueling personalities. Dan had no idea what game was on, but he had a dreading feeling that somehow Phil was the prize.

*

The rest of the day was pleasantly uneventful and before Dan knew it, the day finally came to a close.

"So...first impressions on the job?" Phil asked as he struggled picking up his Chinese takeaway with his chopsticks. 

"A job is a job is a job." Dan mumbled still in his half daze, trying to fully take in the day. 

"Isn't Elizabeth just the sweetest? You know, she's the one that got me the job there!" Phil said pleasantly. 

Dan stabbed his food before playing it off as him being clumsy with his utensils. "Really? How lovely." Dan tried to not spat.

"Is everything okay, Dan?" Phil asked with genuine concern and that concern hurt the most. Elizabeth was right about one thing, Phil Lester was beautifully ignorant.

"Yeah, tired," Dan finally mumbled before boxing his practically untouched dinner and placing it in the fridge. 

"Hey, are you too tired for Mario Kart?" Phil asked making Dan's stomach turn. He couldn't believe just how blind Phil could be sometimes. He loved an idiot, but dammit his idiot always knew how to make him smile. 

"Not too tired to kick your ass, Lester."

"Oh, you are going down, Howell!" 

This was right, this felt right. Something about these nights wrapped up in blankets and Mario Kart. This was Dan's little slice of heaven and if anyone tried to take this from him, they will have to pry it from his cold dead hands. 

__

Game on, indeed.

__


	11. Chapter 11

Dan woke up the next morning pressed up against a solid figure. He didn't remember falling asleep against Phil's shoulder, but there he was and he felt _warm_.

Dan pulled back a little so he could bask in the beauty of Phil before he woke up. Phil was somehow even more attractive when he slept. Phil's hair somehow managed to perfectly quiff somewhere between dusk and dawn and it was heart stopping. Dan could even make out small ginger roots that stood out against his jet black hair...Dan always had a small thing for gingers. Stubble was also making an appearance along Phil's jaw and above his upper lip. Damn, Dan never knew how much a small detail such as stubble could be so damn sexy. Phil's lips looked a little dried out and Dan cursed his mind for wanting to moisturize them with his own saliva. What was he doing? This was weird, right? Dan found himself not even wanting to move despite the oddness of this situation and he didn't. Instead, he moved his head back to it's former position so that he could remained curled up in his happiness. This is definitely what happy mornings consist of. 

Somehow Dan managed to slip back into sleep. Actually, it was pretty easy even though he wanted to just remain pressed up against Phil's shoulder all morning and listen to his soft snores, they ended up lulling him back to sleep in the end. This time when Dan woke up he was cold and laid flat on the couch. He honestly had no idea if the memory of this morning was just a vivid dream or not, and part of him didn't really want to verify that. He sat up and looked toward the kitchen where Phil was sat with his morning coffee, nose deep in his notifications as usual. 

"Hey," Dan managed to call out. The sudden noise caused Phil to spill a little coffee with a muffled curse. 

"O-Oh, morning," Phil replied after what felt like a long moment. 

Dan could sense something was off so he stood up, stretched a little, and finally made his way to the kitchen. 

"Something wrong?" Dan questioned. 

"The stock market is a little rubbish at the moment and America has the constant threat of an impending war thanks to the cheese puff they call a leader," Phil rambled. He never rambled this much. Dan knew something was clearly off.

"Right...anything else?" Dan persisted gently. 

"I-uh," Phil looked as if he was searching for answers within his coffee as he stared down into it intensely. 

"Spit it out mate!" Dan finally snapped. This awkwardness was fraying his nerves far too much. 

"It's my ex's birthday!" Phil finally admitted. 

"Right, so, got any plans?" Dan shot back quickly without even taking a moment to really process what was actually said.

"Do people usually make plans for their ex?" Phil questioned.

Dan sighed a little. He knew that Phil was new to this and he assumed he has spent every birthday with Penelope since they met. Was it normal to do something for your ex's birthday? Hell no. However, Dan didn't know how Phil's mind worked. Although he wasn't exactly fond of the idea of Phil doing nice things for someone he used to love so much, he didn't want to hold Phil back from anything. Fuck love. Fuck how selfless love makes you. Dan risked a glance over to Phil only to regret it as he saw bright blue eyes widely looking at him for answers. He didn't have them. Fuck, he really didn't have them.

"It's..." Dan trailed off a little as he tried to gather his thoughts. He tried to imagine a world where Evangeline was alive and they had just split up mutually. He knew that he would do something for her and that realization fucked him up. "It's not completely unheard of," He finally sighed.

Phil looked almost a little relieved with that answer and that _killed_ Dan. 

"We used to always celebrate together because our birthday's are within the same week. To be honest, I usually am terrible with remembering dates, but since her birthday was so close to mine, I could never forget." Phil rambled again. This had to be a quirk out of nervousness.

"Well then, do you have anything in mind?" Dan asked with the slightest amount of hurt in his tone. He knew Phil would't pick up on it. 

"Penny really likes to go out and have a good time. I was never a club person, but she is. I was thinking maybe, just maybe, we could all go out tonight?" 

"All?"

"Yeah! Like you, me, Elizabeth, and Penny!" Phil said almost over the top excited and Dan's stomach dropped with dread.

Silence. Dan literally couldn't even fake a happy response so he just kept his mouth shut. 

"Wait, sorry, have you even met Penny yet? She works with us at the station, but I didn't even think of introdu-"

"We have met." Dan cut him off before walking over to pour himself some scolding hot, bitter coffee. 

"Oh, great! Isn't she just so lovely?" Phil asked expectantly and oblivious alike. 

"Lovely." Dan said in a monotone automatic-esque response.

"So then it's settled! We will all go out tonight and have a great time! Thanks Dan!" Phil said as he stood up with a jump to go get ready for the day before stopping in his tracks and turning to Dan, "Oh, and Dan?" 

"Hmmm?" Dan replied numbly. 

"Sorry for drooling onto your hair last night." Phil said before turning back and running into his room before Dan could retaliate.

So it wasn't a dream. Dan felt a small blush creep across his face as he pictured the position they would have had to be in for that to happen. They had to have been really close and the thought of that closeness made Dan's heart race. Well, he found a small reason to smile this morning at least. Drool and germs were still gross so he did promptly make his way to the shower.

*

"Dan!" Penelope smiled as she ran up to him and gave him a hug.

That threw Dan all the way off. He thought they were enemies, either way he wasn't an asshole so he returned the embrace. 

"Hey?" He finally said pulling back with a puzzled complexion. 

"I heard that we were all going out tonight! Phil also told me that you were really the one who pushed the idea!" Penelope said with the most genuine smile he thinks he's ever seen from her. What the hell was she on about though? Dan never pushed anything and he sure as hell wasn't playing nice with the ex girlfriend. 

"I didn't," Dan said truthfully. 

Somehow that confession made Penelope's smile grow even wider. "So, that means Philly decided it on his own..." 

"Technically," Dan sighed. 

"I will still be seeing you there, right?" She hummed pleasantly. 

"Yeah, fuck yeah," Dan said with a little smirk. He realized that with him being there, he could keep an eye on them and prevent anything at all times. He was in control. "Happy birthday by the way," Dan said pleasantly and almost sincerely. "Old woman," He added in quietly as he passed her with a chuckle knowing she likely didn't even hear him.

*

How did things end up like this? Dan found himself dreading going out more than usual. He pulled a plain black jumper over his head and looked in the mirror. He was in all black almost as if he was going to a funeral but at least he looked halfway decent. The jeans he was wearing were all wrong however. If he had to admit one thing about them, he would admit they were actually really boring. He didn't know why he suddenly felt the need to show off, but he did. He suddenly remembered a pair of ripped jeans he was pressured into buying thanks to the persistent sales woman a few months back, but now he was honestly grateful for her suggestion. After pulling them on he smiled as he finally felt confident in his looks...well almost. There was still one more thing that desperately needed to be done.

*

"Dan are you ready?" Phil's voice cut through the flat only to be met with no response.

"Dan? Daaaa-holy cow." Phil mumbled as he cut himself mid sentence, staring with a look that could be described as awe while he took in Dan's 'new look'. 

"I figured it was about time to finally let my hair go," Dan said sheepishly as he rubbed the back of his neck, smiling a little as he felt the fuzzy bits from his fresh haircut. His hair was perfectly shaved on the sides as a mop of now perfectly wavy hair sat on top of his head.

"Y-You, okay, yeah, it looks nice." Phil kept stumbling over his words.

"Can you believe this haircut only cost me £15?" Dan said with a huge smile that highlighted his dimples. 

"Cheap, yeah," Phil breathed out. He still looked shocked. 

"So, are you ready?" Dan asked seeing Phil in a plaid button up and plain black jeans. 

"Well, now I feel like I look a little boring," Phil sighed. 

"You look anything but," Dan said with a smile. He felt like a new man completely now, a happier one too.

*

Penelope looked great. Dan found himself looking at her up and down as her red dress hugged her curves nicely. Damn. This was not boding well for him if even he couldn't keep his own eyes off of her.

"Dan! Philly!" She squealed as her breasts bounced with every quick paced step she took. 

"Penelope yaaaay!" Dan cheered sarcastically but still hugged her. 

"First round of shots is on you, right Philly?" Penelope said shamelessly as she pushed her soft bits against Phil's arm. Dan could see the flustered look on Phil's face and as adorable as it looked, it was a bad omen all in all for him. Dan needed to do something, quick.

"Actually, first round is on me!" Dan said quickly and cursed himself knowing how little money he had left before payday.

Elizabeth snorted a little after clearly catching a glimpse of Dan's horrified expression once he heard the prices of the shots.

Dan sighed as he literally emptied out his wallet and shot it back down his throat. He ordered the cheapest shots he could for himself and the cheap liquor burned as it made it's way down. He groaned before ordering himself whatever cheap beer they had on tap here to calm his nerves.

"You seem like you need a dance." Elizabeth snickered pulling Dan across the club and onto the floor. 

Before Dan could even argue, there he was, sharing the same space as someone he hated on a tightly packed dance floor. Elizabeth looked great however as her black dress with a criss-crossed opened front flattered her small frame nicely. Dammit, he really wished he could admit the women they were with tonight were ugly, but they were anything but.

Elizabeth moved in sensual ways Dan wished he could say he hated, but, he did appreciate women still. She pulled Dan closely to her and Dan chuckled a little as he leaned down to whisper, "People might think we are in love." Cheap booze were clearly taking over his mouth at this point. 

Elizabeth giggled a little before leaning in, "Even Phil?" She whispered. 

Fuck. Dan's eyes went wide as he pulled himself away. "You did this on purpose," Dan groaned. 

"It worked," Elizabeth smiled as she pointed over to where Penelope and Phil were sharing the same space. 

Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. The booze clearly clouted his judgement. He hadn't had much, but apparently it was enough to let his guard down. Dan felt a little defeated as he saw the clear chemistry between the two former lovers. He had no idea what they were talking about but based on their body language, it was good.

Defeat, this is exactly what defeat feels like. Dan couldn't interrupt. He wished he could, but he couldn't. Whatever choices Phil wants to make, they are his choices in the end. Defeated and deflated Dan shook his head before stepping away from Elizabeth and making a beeline for the exit. He's had enough and he didn't want to be some outsider looking in on a blossoming romance.

*

Dan felt dizzy as he tried to settle his spinning head between his hands on the couch. The flat, it felt even emptier than ever. The silence now, it was so loud that it made Dan's mind throb. Fuck. He thinks that word a lot lately, but honestly, it's his favourite word when he's frustrated.

"Fuck." He finally breathed out loud. It made him feel a little better. 

"Fuck!" He said a little louder this time, feeling a weight free itself from his mind.

"FUUUUUUUUUCK!"

There was a knocking on the wall, presumably from their neighbours since the lounge's wall was partially connected to their's and all Dan could do was laugh, and laugh, and laugh. 

Of course this would happen to him. Of course this was his reality. He could never fully get what he wanted, but that was payback for Evangeline, right? Dan couldn't stop laughing and he felt literally insane right now because of it. He was insane, actually. He was crazy to fall in love with someone just because they took him in. He was crazy to give up a little piece of his heart to someone he has only known for a few months. Most importantly, he was down right out of his mind if he assumed this person had the same feelings. 

Flashbacks of seeing Phil and Penelope together flooded his mind causing his laughter to change into a choked sob. This was painful, it really was. However Dan was stubborn and he would be _dammed_ if he went down without a fight. He knew what he wanted and he would only let Phil slip away if he lost to Penelope fair and square. Dan wiped his tears with the sleeves of his jumper before finally settling back on the couch with a new fire burning within his soul.

*

Phil stumbled in only an hour later, alone. "Dan, I heard you left because you weren't feeling well. Do you need me to make you something warm to calm your stomach? Also, did you hydrate yourself?" Phil asked seeming only mildly tipsy.

"Yes," Dan called out over his game. 

"Yes to what? Yes to me taking care of you or yes to your levels of hydration." 

Dan smirked, "Both." 

Phil busied himself with making Dan some calming tea before taking the spot next to Dan on the couch. "Here," He said holding out the mug. 

Dan took it and took a long, appreciative sip. "Have fun?" Dan mustered enough courage to ask. 

"Loads, but it would have been more fun if you stayed." 

That was a little unexpected, but that response made Dan smile a bit. 

"Did Penelope have fun?" Dan asked.

"She was still there when I left, so yeah I guess so," Phil said with a small shrug. 

"You two seemed to have a little thing going so why did you leave so early?" Dan had no idea why he was asking this, but something inside him really wanted to know. Also, something inside him wanted to admit that Penelope and Phil really did have something.

Phil shrugged a little again but he did not answer. 

"Phil?" 

Dan looked over at Phil only to see his usual bright face looking grim. That expression hurt because he knew that a piece of Phil was hurting. There was a long moment of silence before Phil actually lifted up his head to meet Dan's eyes. 

"She kissed me," Phil breathed out. 

Dan felt his eyes grow wide for a moment as his heart literally stopped. Kissed. They kissed. Game over, she won. Dan really was about to throw in the towel until Phil continued talking, 

"Dan I- I really thought that kissing her again would make me happy, but it didn't..not fully at least. She kissed me and all I did was freeze. Something was wrong and I have no idea what. I love her...I really do...but-" Phil sounded like he just had a sudden epiphany before finally smiling. "Mario Kart?" He said picking up the controller and dropping the conversation there completely. 

There was so much unsaid and Dan had no idea what to feel at this point. Phil has obviously somewhat made a choice and Dan promised himself he would be happy no matter what. He always kept true to his word. Dammit, this was going to suck. He knew he was literally going to have to watch Phil figure out his feelings. For now though, he would rack up as much happiness as he could.

"Prepare to lose, Lester," Dan said throwing on a smile. 

"Prepare to get annihilated, Howell." Phil shot back.

They ended up playing into the early hours of the morning and somehow Phil ended up sleeping on the couch with Dan once again. 

There was still hope, even if it's a little.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really do appreciate all of ya'll so much! Thank you all whoever reads this! I was so nervous when I started writing this that absolutely no one would like it, but the feed back I receive is always so positive and it motivates me so much! Ya'll are the best!


	12. Chapter 12

Phil was confused and Dan could see it. Every single time they passed by Penelope at work Phil would flinch a little, he almost seemed like he was scared. Phil never talked about his feelings, but Dan could tell they were there. Penelope acted as normal; always somewhat hanging all over Phil and Phil allowed it in a way that not only stung Dan, but it also looked like he was hurting himself. There was a lot that needed to be said but neither Dan nor Phil wanted to say it...that was until Dan had his breaking point. 

It was all too much. Really, it was a lot. Dan was so fucking tired of watching Phil bite his tongue and hold back whatever he wanted. He knew there was something, anything, and as much as it sucked Dan remembered a saying: if you love someone, let them go. Fuck, the idea of letting go of Phil hurt but watching Phil hurt was even more painful. It ripped apart every emotion he had and wore him ragged. He was tired of this; he was going to fucking play cupid.

Dan's been at the station for three months now. That's three long months of watching tension between two former lovers, one of which he was in love with himself. He knew Penelope well enough by now considering they spent almost every lunch together. She always had a smug face on as she hung all over Phil and Dan wanted nothing more than to wipe that smug look off her face, but Phil's happiness came to mind first. He had to remind himself that this was why he was doing this.

*

"I never thought you would be the one asking me out to lunch, Howell." Penelope snorted as she took her spot across from Dan.

"Maybe I'm professing my ever dying love for you Pen," Dan snorted back as he pushed a coffee her way. 

"Maybe you are poisoning me."

"Who knows, maybe I am," Dan said with a neutral expression. 

This was a little weird but honestly Dan doesn't hate Penelope. She may be annoying as all heck, but he admires some of her redeeming qualities. He has seen how hard she works for everything she has and dammit, he admires hard workers. He also admires how much she does seem to care about others. She pulls charity events often and that's how Dan actually decided on his plan for her and Phil. 

"Why did you actually call me out here?" Penelope finally asked as she did take a sip of her coffee. 

"I want you to ask Phil to be your date to your event Saturday." Dan mumbled as he squeezed his on to-go cup, popping off the lid.

Penelope looked lost and confused, obviously she was not expecting that. "Why...why are you suggesting that? I thought you-"

"I do, but this is for Phil. Got it? For Phil, P H I L," Dan said between gritted teeth. This was a lot harder than he anticipated.

Penelope didn't give a smug look. Instead, she gave a genuine smile. That smile, it was breathtakingly beautiful and Dan understood why Phil was in love with her still. He hated to do this, but he was a good man to those who deserved it. He was walking around in circles in his mind in order to reassure himself that this was the right thing. It was, it really was. 

"You aren't going to interfere are you?" Penelope asked and that stung a little. 

"Why does everyone think I am a bad person?" 

"I'm sorry, it's just...this is unexpected," She admitted.

"Yeah, it was unexpected for me too," Dan breathed out before downing the rest of his drink. "Well, I'm going now. Oh as payment for my suggestion, you're paying," Dan chuckled before walking off. He was going to at least get something for his suffering.

*

Penelope had also asked Dan to join the event but of course he declined, because why would he accept? He knew that it would be far too much for him and also a part of him would want to interfere so he had to decline.

Dan decided that a night like tonight called for comfort and the most comforting thing he could think of was his favourite game. It didn't take long for Dan to find Phil's PlayStation 2 and it already had Final Fantasy VII loaded in so he was set. 

There was already a save file loaded onto disk one so Dan decided to see where Phil left off the last time he played and his heart stopped. 

Gold saucer. Of course that's exactly where he was because this moment is a moment that brings so much nostalgia for most. Areith and Cloud were together because that was usually the most popular choice as well for the date. The best outside view of the fireworks happens with this choice and all though the graphics are definitely not up to par by today's standards, something about these graphics feel like _home_.

The music playing hit even closer to home once he heard interrupted by fireworks begin. This song, it is only played once in the entire game, but Dan still knew it better than any song he has ever listened to. It was the first song he ever learned how to play on the piano, and to this day he still wants this song played at some point during his wedding. Nobuo Uematsu was a musical genius and his music truly moves others all around the world. In a way, this song even connects his heart back to Evangeline. Dan inhaled deeply as he just listened, ignoring the rest of the cut scene altogether; he had it memorized at this point anyway. 

When Areith says she wants to know the 'real cloud' it hurt a little more than usual.

*

Phil didn't come home that night. Dan waited, but Phil never made his way home.

Dan knew what was going on, he hated that he knew, but he knew. He could picture it now, Phil gently reaching up and caressing Penelope's cheek as her hips rolled, pushing Phil deeper inside her. He could hear the breathy moans between slow movements because he knew they were taking their time to make up for all the time they lost. Wet, lazy kisses were probably being shared and there would even be evidence on them from more aggressive moments. 

Dan had to shut his mind up, this was far too much.

Somewhere between the early hours of the morning Dan found himself walking the streets. It was actually a really nice night considering spring was in full bloom at this point. Spring, of course it was spring. _Spring was the perfect time to fall in love because it means your love will blossom with flowers._ That's always what Evangeline would say. Fuck, now Dan was crying. He lost her in the spring and now he has lost Phil in the spring as well. As much as he wants to say he hates the spring, the new life that flourishes within these months makes him love it. New life: heh, that's funny to think about because Dan has always felt like he wanted to end his around this time. He could do it, he really could, but he knew he liked living too much. Sometimes life felt like it wasn't worth living but then he remembers that this is the only time he will ever get to _feel_ anything because after this, there is nothing. Fuck feelings in moments like this though. He wanted to go back to the feelings of being wrapped up between blankets after several victories of Mario Kart but those days were over. No more late nights, no more happy mornings.

After making his way around their block a few times he found himself back at the door of Phil's flat. He still hadn't learned how to call this flat his own, and now he never would. He opened the door and nearly had a heart attack once he was met with concerned blue eyes. 

"Dan! I was about to send an entire swat team out to find you! I was so worried!" Phil said as he pulled Dan into his arms. Dan was numb however so his arms stayed right at his side. 

"I wanted some exercise," Dan lied with a flat tone and expressionless face. 

"Is...are you okay?" Phil asked genuinely and it fucking hurt. 

Dan found his eyebrows furrowing as a deep frown settled on his face. Phil was really that clueless, wasn't he? He didn't care, he never did. All he cared about was...well Dan had no idea what he cared about but obviously it wasn't him. 

"No. You know what? I am not okay." Dan finally hissed out. 

"Talk to me then, I am-"

"What? You are here for me? Yeah fucking right! Why don't you go and be there for your girlfriend." Dan snapped and made his way to the couch. Fuck, he really hated living with Phil in a moment like this. 

"That's not...She's not...Dan, I am not taking Penelope back," Phil sighed as he sat next to a fuming Daniel.

Well, that was news. 

"What?" Dan asked genuinely confused.

"Dan, I can't take her back. Every time I would look at her I would feel so much pain. Yes, I still love her, yes I will probably always love her, but love should not hurt this much." 

"Tell me about it," Dan chuckled absentmindedly and luckily Phil did not catch on. 

"We broke up because although she is a great woman she made me make a choice. She gave me an ultimatum. She said it with either I take you in, or I stay with her. I know she said it in a fit of jealousy because she was supposed to move in within that week, but that choice was the easiest choice I ever made. I chose to bring you in because I knew you were someone special Dan."

Dan felt a wave of warmth and happiness as his dimples and rosy patch both made an appearance at the same time. His face might actually split because of how happy those words made him. "Really?" he finally asked.

Phil smiled again as he moved in a little closer, "yes, really. I knew you would become my best friend and I was right." He said with such a happy tone.

Fuck. Oh fuck. Best friend; that is really how Phil sees this. Dan just realized that he and Penelope were now in the same place: the friend zone. Dan wanted to laugh and cry at the same time, he really did. His plan backfired a little bit but at least he knew two things:

1\. Phil was giving up on Penelope.  
2\. Dan could claw his way out of the friend zone. 

This would take some work but Phil was going to be worth all of it. 

_Spring was in bloom._


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, hi, hello! so I am going to add a trigger warning to this chapter because there are some intense vivid memories/dreams depicted in this chapter along with some intense descriptions of feelings! The way I am describing this is the way I personally feel when my mind just cannot work so I am sorry if it is a little all over the place. I will be going over Evangeline's death a little more in depth and I just want to throw a message out there as well: If any of ya'll ever feel like you are going to hurt yourself, please reach out to someone. reach out to an emergency hotline, reach out to a friend, or even reach out to a family member. So many times in my life I regret things I was unable to prevent. Please, my friends, seek help if you ever need it. Also remember, I love you all <3 Anyway...let's dive on in!
> 
> side note: if this chapter is too much for you just know, there isn't too much development within the full plot so if you skip this chapter, you won't be missing much! Believe me, there will be plenty more fluff coming up eventually as well! So buckle down kids!
> 
> side side note: if you want the cute moment but do not want the rest, start reading from the word "Zelda".

_"You could do it with me, you know." Evangeline's voice sounded horse, like she's been crying for days on end. She has been as a matter of fact._

_"Eva, no. Please, just take my hand. Please." Dan's voice was wavering as he felt his mind going numb from the situation on hand. There was his Fiancee, the love of his life, in front of him on the edge of a building. He had no idea how it even came to this point but when he finally was ready to talk to Evangeline about her issues, it was already too late. It's not like he hadn't tried, he had, just sometimes he can't be the only one to handle things and Evangeline was no longer willing. Any moment police would be here. He didn't want to call them, he knew it wasn't the best option but he found himself numbly dialing 999 before his brain could even catch up for a different solution. "Love, my sweet love, help is on it's way if you please just take a moment and breathe. We can talk about this, we can talk about anything. Baby, please," Dan was choked up and the words he was pleading held thickly in the silent air._ _Any moment, it would be any moment now before he could properly get someone to help his Evangeline._

_Evangeline gave a smile, but it was obvious that it was forced. Dan had looked so desperate at this point and he wanted nothing more than to run over and hug his girl, but he knew she could take them both down easily if she wanted. Evangeline finally let out a choked sob, "Thank you, Danny," She whispered._

_Those would be the last words she ever said._

Dan gasped for air as he came back to reality. This is the third time he's had this dream, which is actually more of a memory except one thing was all wrong. In Dan's dream Evangeline looked so beautiful and refreshed almost. Her hair, her silky blonde hair, it looked fresh and clean. She had on light makeup in the dream that was slowly running down her cheeks along with her tears. She looked tragically beautiful, almost in the same the way people romanticize depression. You see, in reality, Evangeline looked a mess. Her hair was matted and dirty after at least a week without washing and grooming. There was no makeup at all on her face and she looked sickly and pale as deep purple circles lined her under eyes. Her face was hallow as well and he was now positive she was not eating as much as she had been letting on. She looked sick and halfway through death's door when she took her final step.

One last thing came to Dan's mind, her last words weren't 'thank you'; in reality, there was only silence. Evangeline only looked at him numbly with an emotionless expression before she took her final step. Dan had wished so badly that he didn't remember that detail, but he did. Of course he did. 

Today was going to be a _day_ and he knew it.

*

Dan had been lying awake stuck in his own mind for hours now. It wasn't until Dan heard Phil loudly singing 'My Heart Will Go On' that he finally jumped back into reality. Dan then and there decided that he could't do this, he could not do today. If hearing Phil's off key singing didn't cheer him up today, nothing would. He was going to play hooky at work. Well, you can't really consider it playing hooky if he really was sick, call it a mental health day if you will.

He heard the bathroom door open as wet footsteps made their way back across the hall to the bedroom. Dan was hyper aware of everything and it was almost a little scary because he could not numbly focus on nothing anymore, instead he was focusing on everything. However, in this mind set nothing was right. Being hyper focused on something is terrifying especially when you can't unfocus. Dan could literally feel his heartbeat increase as Phil's steps closed in. He knew Phil was going to say something, anything, and Dan knew that he would be too stuck in his mind to respond. How could he do this? Fuck.

"Dan?" 

No answer. 

"Dan..." 

The concern in Phil's voice was clear, but Dan was too far gone at the moment. He heard Phil step closer and eventually he was over him but Dan then realised his eyes were closed. Fuck, that's really how gone he is today. He's at a point where he can't even tell if his eyes are really open or not. He hasn't been like this in a while. 

There was a long moment of silence. Phil was lingering; hovering over Dan. He couldn't see Phil's eyes but he knew they were boring into him. Dan could see a slight shadow over his eyes as he saw a hand reaching for something, his hair perhaps? Dan couldn't even force himself to open his eyes at this point. The hand remained there for what felt like an eternity. The retraction of the hand seemed unsure but eventually Dan heard a soft sigh and footsteps walk away. 

Dan was over aware of the mess Phil was making in the kitchen as he could literally hear the droplets of coffee spill all over the counter. Besides the little sounds however, everything else was dead silent. Eventually, he heard Phil speak again but it wasn't directed towards him. 

"Yeah, hey, it's Phil Lester. I won't be able to come into work today and I am also calling in For Daniel Howell, the Janitor. Yeah...okay...sorry. I think we both had some dodgy sushi last night so we are both sick. I understand...thanks for understanding." 

Dan then heard footsteps retreat back into the bedroom.

What the hell just happened? Was Dan hallucinating now, or did Phil really just call in for the both of them? No, God no. This is not at all what Dan wanted. He finally found the will to open his eyes and regretted it instantly once he felt the light of the morning sting and send a bolt of pain across his temple and behind his left eye. Well, he was grateful he was at least feeling something. 

Dan sat up as he felt numbness taking over. He wanted to just lie there and sink away, but he found himself too unmotivated to even flop back down at this point. Instead he fixated on the wall as his mind zoned out,

*

_"I'm sorry Mister Howell, she was gone on impact. We all are so sorry," The cop said with a sincere apologetic look. Dan didn't blame him and he never will because it was not the officer or any of the paramedics fault. They were only a moment too late, but Dan blamed himself for that moment._

_Once everything was cleared out, once all the spectators were gone, all there was left was Dan. Left alone with nothing and no one but himself._

*

"-AN!"

Dan only caught the last bit of his name but he finally looked up numbly to see a face full of every emotion he could not muster himself.

"Are you alright?" Phil asked with almost a look of pure panic on his face. 

Dan only found the energy to blink in response. He knew his expression was as lifeless as him at the moment. 

"Shit," Phil finally breathed out; Dan even caught a small shudder in his breath. He knew Phil had no idea what to do, Phil was just as helpless as his own mind at the moment.

Dan moved his head ever so slightly as he watched Phil make his way to the kitchen, turning on the tap to get some water. The glass that Phil used was about as large as a vase, and on an average day Dan would probably poke fun at him, but today was anything but average.

Phil hurried back over placing the water on the table in front of the still pulled out couch. 

"Drink, please," Phil requested. 

Dan's eyes only drifted up slightly before he sighed a little. He used every ounce of energy he had as he lifted the comically large glass to take the tiniest sip in history. The cold water, it almost burned all the way down and he could literally feel it settle in his empty stomach. He put the glass back down awaiting whatever demand Phil had next. 

"Did you eat?" Phil asked.

Dan finally opened his mouth to croak out a sing word, "no." 

"Can you eat?" 

Silence. 

It's been a few months since Dan has had it this bad. He thought maybe his life style changes would help off set his mind but clearly, mental illness is truly forever. It's scary, but it's true. Dan wishes he could just say fuck it and feel better, but that is not how this works. He used to have medication, he even used to have someone to talk to when he had his job. He also had Evangeline, but he never requested anything of her because her bad days were worse, not that it was a competition. Now he has Phil, but Phil looks like a deer in headlights. If Dan had the capability he would laugh at the mortified expression on his face. 

"What do I do Dan? What is going on? Please, talk to me," Phil said with a shaken voice. He really was that scared right now. He was probably viewing Dan as someone who would shatter at any moment, but that's not true. Dan can't even feel enough right now to shatter. 

"Zelda," Dan managed. 

"Zelda? You want to play?" Phil asked puzzled. 

Dan shook his head a little, "No, want to watch. I need to focus on something else," he said before finding the strength to stand so Phil could convert the couch back.

Phil only nodded as he fixed the couch and loaded up Zelda. 

Phil played for hours and he seemed too worried to even fully enjoy himself at this point. Dan knew this was not fun, but he found a little comfort in watching the pixels on the screen. He zoned out so much that he didn't even notice himself drift back to sleep.

This time when Dan woke up he felt a million times better. His throat was parched and his lips were chapped, but he was so grateful to have that feeling again. He felt something else, warmth. He felt a warm heavy arm wrapped around his shoulder as he felt the steady rise and fall of a chest. Phil, he was asleep on Phil. When did this even happen? How did this even happen? Dan had no idea but he moved the smallest amount so that he could greedily take in the sounds of Phil's beating heart. Dan was tethered back to reality, and had never been happier to actually feel again. 

His mind was weird in the way it could go off and on so easily, but either way he was so on right now. So on, and so happy.


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the impromptu hiatus, these last few days have been crazy for me! I had to even take off from work because my entire mind and body shut down on me after being within 20 feet of Brendon Urie himself. Oh, I also got a tattoo if anyone actually cares about my personal life! Anyway! I am back! Hello, yes, I am back! Btw if ya'll ever wanna catch up with me between posts you can always catch me on twitter @ gingersnapphan :)

After Dan's minor episode, Phil was always walking on egg shells. He seemed almost scared to offset another lapse, but Dan of course explained over and over again that is not how any of this works. Phil was still insistent that Dan at least goes to talk to a professional, so he agreed. Now, here he is. His therapist was a lovely older man that went by the name of Hank; just Hank. He didn't want to be called _Doctor_ because he felt that being on a first name basis was more comforting for his patients. Dan didn't care either way, he was just happy that Hank seemed like he actually was listening. He's been seeing him once a week for three weeks now and within those three sessions he does honestly feel a little better. He has been able to explain his feelings and also a little bit about Evangeline whenever he feels up to it. There has been a lot of moments where Dan has choked up, but Hank always had tissues ready along with words of wisdom. Dan really was feeling better now that he did not have to bottle everything up, but of course it will always be a work in progress.

After every session, Phil always picks him up in a car and they make their way to Starbucks for a celebratory drink. There never really is anything to celebrate, but Phil always has to give himself a reason to consume the overly-sugary drinks that this franchise provides. The pair tucked away in their usual booth. Phil has a habit of asking what happened during Dan's session, but of course since Dan would talk about Phil more often than not, he would share very little claiming that it was _too much_ to repeat. That wasn't fully a lie anyway. Phil was really good at understanding and Phil was also phenomenal with making sure Dan took his medications and also took every other precaution to make sure depressive episodes were kept to a bare minimum. Those moments and little reminders always made Dan fall a little more in love every time. 

At this point he has figured out just how dense Phil was, but that never made him give up yet. One scary thing was about to happen however, _Florida_. Apparently, Phil's family goes over to America every year for a family holiday, and this year Dan is basically being forced along.

"Can't I just stay home? I can just take the tube to work everyday...I finally figured out how to get there." Dan was grumbling into his coffee mug as he sat across from Phil. 

"Oh come on Dan, it's a free vacation for you! Besides...I don't want to leave you unattended." Phil mumbled the last part, but of course Dan still heard it. 

"Phil...I am not that broken. I do know how to take care of myself." 

"I know, I know it's just...maybe some nice sunny weather will help maintain that happiness." 

Phil did have a point. Sunshine would help maintain his happiness but not the sunshine Phil thinks. The only sunshine Dan needs it Phil Lester... on an unrelated note, Phil is the only vitamin D he needs as well. Dan shook away those thoughts however.

"Fine," Dan finally gave in with a sigh and watched as Phil's entire face lit up. 

"You will have a good time! I will make sure of it!" With that, they continued to sip their drinks and share whatever came to mind.

*

Dan has not been on a plane probably since he was around fifteen years old. He forgot how scary it is and how anxious airports make him feel. Phil was comforting however as he would occasionally bump shoulder's with Dan and bring him back to reality. Phil was the tether that kept him grounded for sure. Once past security they had time to kill so they wandered around aimlessly. It was very early in the morning so nothing was even open besides some random coffee stands. They settled on a place as they discussed their trip.

"So, my family is already there since I could only get us a week off. You haven't met them yet, but just know they are really cool! My mum Kath, she's the greatest woman to ever exist and I am sure you will absolutely adore her. Just don't get too attached because I will forever be her favourite child. My dad is calm and doesn't speak too much but either way you shouldn't have much to worry about with him. My lame older brother Martyn will also be there, accompanied by his totally way too awesome girlfriend Cornelia! Just ignore Marytn and anything he says about me because he is just jealous everyone is cooler than he is. So yeah, that is basically the run down. Don't worry they also know basic things about you, but not too much. Any questions?" Phil asked after his whole long winded speech on his family.

Dan shook his head as he smiled a little. He loved seeing Phil talk about his family because every feature about him was highlighted as he spoke. He truly did love his family and even though Dan was a little jealous, he loved that Phil was so happy.

*

The flight was long but Dan had Phil and movies to keep him company the entire way. Midway though their second movie however, Phil nodded off as he slightly leaned his head on Dan's shoulder. If Dan had any hopes to get some rest they had now just been obliterated by Phil's actions. He was so aware now of every movement he was making because he was terrified to wake Phil, and he was terrified Phil would adjust himself and move. From an outsider's perspective right now they might even look like a couple and that, that made Dan smile softly to himself.

Dan actually did end up falling asleep at one point only to wake up the moment the plane roughly hit the tarmac. He settled his started heart as he looked outside to see nothing but sunny skies. He smiled a little, he's never been to Florida and now he finally understand why he has heard it called the sunshine state. Phil must have been up for a while because he was leaning into Dan's space to peer out the window in a state of awe. From what Dan has learned, this is not even close to the first time Phil has been here, but he literally looks like a child right now seeing this wonderland for the very first time. 

"We made it!" Phil cheered as details were given on the location of their luggage. The temperature was given in the dreaded Fahrenheit system, but Phil quickly converted it. Gotta love an efficient weatherman. 

*

Once luggage was retrieved it was only a matter of getting there and Dan was feeling nervous. He honestly shouldn't be. From what he understands Phil has briefly explained the situation, but he had no idea if that would make things better or worse. The trip from the airport to the house they were staying at felt like hours, when in reality it was barely thirty minutes. Walking up to the door was also emotionally harrowing as Dan was already beginning to feel his nerves becomes strung out. Honestly, he should not be this nervous he is just meeting his _friend's_ family, but he still wants to make a good impression. He was so stuck in his head he did not even notice all noise once the door was opened. 

"Dan! Dan!" Phil's voice finally snapped him out of it when he finally was met face to face with an older woman. She wasn't really that old, just slightly passed middle aged and her face was still as lovely and kind looking as ever. Shit, he was already making bad impressions.

Dan held his hand out, "Mrs. Lester, I'm-" suddenly his hand was ignored as he was pulled into a hug that could only be described as motherly. He melted into the embrace slightly as it brought back memories of his own mother and grandmother. Phil's mum smelled nice; floral, but not overbearing. She was also so warm. 

"Hello love, you can just call me Kath," She smiled as she pulled back.

"Kath, nice to meet you." Dan felt himself relax. Maybe this would not be so bad after all. 

"Come now, follow me," She smiled as she lead the way to where they would be staying. The pair would be staying in the same room, but of course there was two beds because otherwise it would be weird. 

Dan settled in as Phil went off to go find his brother so he could pester him a little before dinner which left Dan completely alone. 

It was only a few minutes before Kath gave the same unique sound Phil always give whenever he is startled as she almost dropped the comforters she was holding. 

"Oh my!" She laughed setting the blankets down on Phil's bed. "Sorry love, I thought you would be venturing out with the others." Her smile was kind and everything about her demeanor screamed _mum_. 

"I figured I would let everyone catch up as I settle in," Dan said as he picked up the comforters, neatly making the two beds. 

"You're a tidy one, aren't you?" Kath asked moving in to admire the crisp way the comforter fell.

That compliment made Dan blush slightly as he nodded a little, "yes Kath," he replied. 

Kath reached over and pinched his cheeks before whispering, "teach that other one some better habits then," as she walked out. 

Dan felt like a child again. The action of getting your cheeks pinched is something only mothers do and Dan felt a warmth of fondness as a small smile spread across his still reddened cheeks. Nothing will ever make Dan feel that much like a child again, and nothing would make him feel happier.

*

Dinner was a little weird. Apparently, news of Penelope did not spread to Martyn (it did, but apparently it was forgotten.) so once he brought her up, everything went silent.

"What, did I say something wrong?" Martyn asked genuinely confused as Cornelia lightly slapped him upside his head. 

"I told you already, you need to pay more attention during phone calls," she hissed before turning to smile at Phil. "Excuse the idiot in the room, he has concentration issues sometimes," She said pleasantly. 

"It's fine, really, I am over it." Phil shrugged. 

"I never liked her anyway," Kath admitted which made everyone turn to her in somewhat of a shocked state. "What? I didn't! She would always ask for salad instead of whatever dinner I prepared and I do not trust anyone who refuses a home cooked meal," Kath continued.

That seemed to make everyone laugh, even Dan who felt a small sense of relief that no one was particularly attached to Penelope. 

"She would always complain whenever the boys played video games also, claiming she was _bored_." Cornelia chimed in, making everyone continue their laughter. 

"Yeah, and she once told me to my face that Phil was way cooler than I was!" Martyn threw out into the open and everyone stopped laughing, only to burst out again once they saw the look on Martyn's face.

"So I am guessing she didn't get the Lester seal of approval then?" Dan asked once everything was settled down. 

"Not even from me, she talked too much," Phil's dad finally spoke and everyone else just nodded. 

Well that was a nice sense of reassurance then. Dan loved home cooked meals, he loved video games, and he knew how to be quiet as well. He couldn't promise he would not think Phil was cooler, but at least he wouldn't say it to Martyn's face.

*

The first night in Florida was nice. Dan felt like he was welcomed into the Lester clan with open arms as he was asked to join in their night of family fun. Charades was interesting especially when Phil interpreted _Queen_ as _boob king_. Everyone laughed as Phil tried to hide his embarrassment, he's apparently well renowned for his _unique_ interpretations. That memory of all the warm laughter would definitely stay in Dan's memory bank.

Once everyone was settling down, Dan decided to get some fresh air by stepping outside to the back patio. The breeze was warm and comforting as the air smelled nothing like the streets of London. Paradise, this was definitely the definition of it. He was allowing his mind to sink into a more peaceful place when someone coming up and standing by his side made him jump. 

"Sorry, just me," A small figure with fiery red hair smiled. 

"Hey," Dan said a little unsure on what to say. He didn't know Cornelia that well, but from what he could tell she was cool. 

"You know, I really did hate Penelope," Cornelia laughed. 

"I work with her and as much as I want to hate her, I can't," Dan admitted. It was true, he only found her obscenely annoying. 

"I mean sure as a person she is okay, but as Phil's girlfriend it was definitely not a match made in heaven. What about you, do you have someone you like?" Once she asked that her eyes flickered up to Dan, it looked like she was almost reading his emotions. 

"No, not really," Dan lied as he rubbed at the back of his head. 

"Bullshit," Cornelia said with a cheeky smile. 

"Excuse me?" 

"I like to give people nicknames you know," Cornelia said which seemed completely off topic but Dan just looked at her hoping she would elaborate. She did, "You know what I am going to call you?" She asked. 

Dan looked at her with a confused expression, "what?" He shot back. 

"Heart eyes Howell." With that, she walked away whistling a happy tune.


	15. Chapter 15

**_Heart eyes Howell._ **

Dan sat in his bed wondering what he did to warrant that nickname. He looked across the dark room to look at the barely visible sleeping body of Phil. Did he really look at Phil in a way that made it obvious he was so in love? Of course he did. Elizabeth picked up on it right away, Penelope picked up on it right away, and now even Phil's bloody future sister in law picked it up with no issues. If it was so obvious to everyone else, why was Phil so in the dark? Dan honestly was not trying to hide anything he was feeling, mostly because when it comes to love, he has no idea how to mask it. Was Phil really that dense, or was he just pretending to be blind?

Dan's thoughts would eat him alive if he didn't get out of this room and into an area with fresh air. He found himself back outside, sitting in one of the lounge chairs, just gazing at the stars. Stars out here are a little brighter than home, but not by much. If Evangeline were here however she would say something poetic; something along the lines of: _it's amazing how no matter where you are in the world stars always follow. They may not be the same stars, but along the way they all blend together giving you the same sense of home. However, the reason I always feel at home is because wherever I go, I have you. You are like my north star, always there and guiding my way._

Dan really missed Evangeline during moments like this. The stars began to drown as tears filled his eyes. Why was life unfair at moments like this? Why could he never grow old with his Evangeline? Fuck. Dan really just wanted to scream in frustration, anger, and just general exhaustion. He wouldn't however, he did not want to wake the entire household up. 

A blurry figure hovered over him and Dan nearly punched it until he noticed the red hair. 

"Bloody hell, you need to wear a bell or something." Dan sniffled as he wiped his tears away. 

"Got room for one more?" Cornelia asked. 

"Sure," Dan breathed out.

Dan wasn't really in the mood for company, but he didn't want to be rude. Cornelia took the lounge chair next to him and silently gazed up at the stars with him. Honestly, it was a little comforting to have someone next to him, even if no words were shared. After a long moment however, Cornelia began to speak. 

"Why were you crying?" She asked, and that question punched Dan in the gut. 

"I wasn't," He tried. 

"You like to lie a lot. You know Phil hates liars," She said with a small laugh. Dan knew she meant no harm, but he could also tell she had no filter.

"I miss someone, that's all." At least it wasn't a lie. 

"I see...want to talk about it?" Cornelia asked as she sat up to look over at Dan who was still lounging with his arms behind his head. 

Dan wanted to say no, but before he knew it he was spilling everything. He told Cornelia even more than he told his own therapist. He didn't know why, but he felt the need to let it all out. He told her every detail of the week leading up to Evangeline's death, and he even told her the reasons he thinks she really did it. It was scary how much he was easily throwing out into the open but honestly, it felt great. Every word he let out was another weight lifted off his shoulders until finally, he began to feel free. He began to feel like he could actually be happy.

Cornelia just sat there and absorbed everything she had just heard before walking over to pat Dan's wavy hair. Cornelia wasn't that much older than him, but that motion definitely made their age gap feel that much wider.

"You know the first step to healing most times is indeed talking about it and sometimes it is easier to share with a stranger. You know what I think?" She asked. 

"What?" 

"I think Evangeline would be happy for you. She definitely would be happy to see you out here living your life. You are living the life she believed she could not give you. I'm not saying I understand, because I don't, but the Dan I see right now is definitely someone to be proud of." 

Cornelia's smile was so pure and Dan couldn't help but smile back. He absolutely does not feel proud of himself, but he does agree Evangeline would at least want him to be happy. 

"You seem to be able to pick up and read emotions quickly-"

"Before you ask, no, I do not know how Phil feels. However I do know one thing," Cornelia said. 

"What is that?" 

"There is hope. On a side note, you know I once walked in on Phil looking at pictures of beefed up men," Cornelia threw that out into the open. She also left it lingering in the air with a wink before heading back inside.

Well that was unexpected and definitely interesting news. The image of Phil looking at pictures of fit men now was burned into his mind as he felt his face heat up. He wondered if Phil has ever touched himself as he did such things. He wonders what kind of men Phil would prefer to look at. No matter what, it probably was not Dan. Dan was tall, awkward, and had a very small amount of stomach pudge accompanied by little love handles. He was definitely not the beefed up man of anyone's dreams. He didn't want to be anyway because all he ever wanted to be was himself, even on the days he hated himself.

Alternatively, Dan wondered what kind of men he, himself liked. He really has never found any other man really that attractive besides celebrities. Once, he did find himself also stumbling across an all male threesome video and he does recall the feeling going straight to his head (yeah, that one), as it made it instantly spring up when he saw the man in the middle getting filled to the brim via all available orifices. He remembered picturing himself in the middle as every stroke of his hand matched the poundings until finally - his entire body shook as a surge of lighting forced out every ounce of semen with a jolt. 

That was so long ago, even before Evangeline, but he does still remember it. He quickly forgot about that day however once he met his girl. Now it seems he has met his guy. Phil opened up some form of sexual awakening he never properly had. He has never labeled himself, and he probably never will so for now he will just say he is into Phil and only Phil, because that is the truth. He has a Phil thing. He has a thing for Phil in the morning with his quiffed up hair and slightly over sized glasses; he has a thing for Phil in the afternoon with his perfectly flat raven locks wearing his tailored suit; he has a thing for Phil in the evening with his bright t-shirt and hilariously cartoonish pyjama bottoms; lastly, he has a thing for Phil in the middle of the night. The Phil between dusk and dawn that is sometimes curled around Dan's body. That Phil is Dan's favourite, because that Phil fits just right between every nook and cranny.

Dan continued to stare up at the stars with a sigh. He saw one quickly shoot across just before he closed his eyes. He made a wish because part of him will always be sentimental about shooting stars. He even wished on one the day he met Evangeline.

*

Dan ended up watching the stars all the way until the midnight blue sky lightened to a pinkish hue. He didn't think about anything in particular, just life in general. He had a feeling of zen before someone else intruded his space.

"Have you been out here all night love?" Kath asked looking down with concern over Dan. 

"More or less, sorry," Dan mumbled. 

"Oh you have nothing to be sorry about, but since you are up help me make breakfast," She ordered. 

Dan hopped up, he didn't even feel tired anyway. Usually he was the one who made breakfast in their apartment so this was nothing foreign. Dan helped Kath make a vast array of "traditional" _American_ breakfast items in total silence. He felt a little awkward since he himself never had the chance to be this close with his mother growing up. Of course Kath picked up on it. 

"You are such a quiet boy with such manners, you were definitely raised right if I do say so myself," She was praising him.

Dan did not know how to handle those compliments so instead of responding he just blushed and nodded. 

"Everything alright love? You don't think I'll bite, do you?" Kath asked as her smile dropped slightly.

"No! Not at all, it's just, I forgot what it's like to have a motherly figure around." Dan mumbled before smiling a little as he looked over at Kath, "it's nice," he added. 

"Oh, love, why don't you ring your mum sometime then. I'm sure she would appreciate it." 

"Can't, she's been gone for over ten years." 

Kath stopped what she was doing to walk over and hug Dan. Her embrace was tight and again her scent was so fresh and motherly. He returned the embrace and let it linger for a moment before pulling himself back. "I'ts fine, I am fine," Dan said with a little bit of a painful smile. 

"I know love, you seem strong. You can always come to me for motherly advice." She smiled before continuing what she was working on previously.

Why was everyone in the Lester clan so damn nice? Dan really was appreciative of all the words of wisdom he has gotten thus far. Everything was so quiet and peaceful. That was true until the Lester brothers woke up at least. 

"Ha! Eat my dust Martyn!" Phil shouted as he slid across the floor in his mismatched socks. 

"Oi, oi! Don't you think it's a little too early to be this rambunctious!" Kath squealed as Martyn ran after Phil, putting him into a headlock while Phil screamed for mercy. Both boys stopped what they were doing and blinked at their mum only to both run outside. 

"Rascals, the lot of them!" Kath huffed which made Dan laugh harder than he probably ever has, tears even formed in the corners of his eyes. He remembered the handful of times he and his own brother would play roughly and it made him feel like he was home. It was a little painful, but it was a good kind of pain. The kind of pain that made you feel grateful for the time you had with someone rather than dwell over the lost moments.

"Go on you, go live your youth." Kath ordered as she sent Dan off.

*

Dan had no idea how this ended up happening but there he was outside with the brothers, watching them rough house. It was already past lunch and they had all changed into their swimwear to lounge by the pool. Phil of course had awkward movements as he was clearly trying to rush his older brother and push him into the pool. His plan backfired easily when Martyn simply moved aside, causing Phil to flop straight into the water.

Kath was immediately outside holding her spatula in a threatening position ordering the two to knock it off. 

"Sorry mum," they would both say guiltily as Phil remained propped up on the edge of the pool. 

Dan would just laugh and laugh and laugh the entire time because Phil truly looked like a child in this moment. His pout was almost too much for his heart to handle, _almost_. 

"Daaaaaan," he wined. 

"You got yourself into this mess mate, get yourself out," Dan laughed as he squatted down in front of Phil. 

"But it's cold and now I am soaked, can you please get Martyn back for me?" 

"Oi! Don't get your boyfriend to do your dirty work!" Martyn said as he began to back up. 

Dan felt himself freeze up at that comment. _Boyfriend_. That word was just casually thrown out there and no one was saying anything about it. Phil was not correcting him, Dan sure as hell was not correcting him, no one was saying anything. In fact, Phil breezed right past it as he retorted, "I'll get Corn dog on you instead!" 

Just as if she was summoned, Cornelia came out of no where tackling Martyn to the ground with a flurry of kisses to his face. 

"I give, I give!" Martyn laughed.

Something about this setting felt right. The overly cute couple beside him, the loving older couple cooking together inside, and the overly cute man with blue eyes staring directly at him. Dan felt like his heart was about to explode out his chest. He felt like he was a part of something right now, but he had no idea if the person in front of him was feeling the same thing. It would take a blind leap of faith to discover that truth, a blind leap of faith he was no longer scared to take. It would take time, Dan knows it will take time, but in this moment he decided to no longer wait for answers. Dan decided he would seek them himself.

"Come on you rat, let's get you warmed up." Dan smirked as he helped Phil out of the pool. 

Phil seemed to hesitate before letting go of Dan's hand finally. That linger; the moment of hesitation, it felt like a lifetime. To Dan, it was a lifetime. He followed Phil all the way to their room without even thinking. 

"I-I'm going to take a shower," Phil said before walking out without another word. 

Dan found that odd, not the shower thing, but the stutter that was there. He wondered if Phil was okay, or even if he had done something wrong before he cursed his anxious mind. He needed to find something to settle his thoughts. He searched, and searched until he found something - a keyboard. It looked very old, but barely touched which made Dan smile. It was a little known fact that he knew how to play, but he did. He loved music more than most things in his life, so he dusted off the old thing before turning it on. 

Sure, it wasn't as good at a real piano but it would do for now. He found himself playing random assortment of Final Fantasy music like the true nerd he is. Nearly forty-five minutes had passed before he took a moment to realise Phil was still not back. He had been so lost in his music that he had forgotten even where he was. He got up, only to freeze once he saw Phil leaned up against the doorway with his arms crossed and his eyes closed. He looked so peaceful in that moment. Dan knew that Phil had been standing there listening, so who was he to deny his audience? Before he could even think, he sat back down as his fingers began dancing across the keys playing the first song he ever learned: interrupted by fireworks. He didn't even need to watch the placement of his fingers for this song, instead he decided to focus on Phil.

Phil's eyes twitched a little, almost as if he was about to open them, but he kept them shut. It was almost like he was scared to look. His foot was tapping slightly to the beat as a soft, crooked smile appeared. It remained the whole time Dan played. 

Once that song was complete, Dan moved the keyboard off his lap as he cracked his knuckles. That seemed to bring Phil back to reality as he made a face of horror and shrieked "you'll get arthritis!" 

"That's an old wives tale," Dan laughed as stood up and stretched. Being hunched over the keyboard really did take a slight toll on him. 

"Well, I believe it. Besides, it just makes me cringe." Phil shuddered. 

Dan smirked as he walked over into Phil's space and popped the very last finger then full on laughed at the face Phil made. 

"You're pretty mean sometimes Danny," Phil pouted slightly. 

"So are you, Philly," Dan teased back. 

He had no idea if this was flirting, it felt like flirting though as Dan's heart was trying to keep up with his thoughts. 

Phil raised an eyebrow at that accusation, "Elaborate?" 

"Well for starters, you always eat my cereal without even asking." 

"I am testing it and making sure it is still safe to eat!" 

Dan chuckled, "You also sing very loudly in the shower. I always wake up to some poor rendition of _my heart will go on_ " 

Phil's pout became more prominent as Dan moved in closer. He was also getting visibly flustered at this point which honestly was giving Dan a confidence boost. Dan licked his lips a little and he saw Phil mimic his actions. He knew Phil was paying extra close attention to him at this point.

Dan tilted his head slightly to the left as Phil followed the action, they were definitely inching closer to each other at this point. They were so close, Dan could even feel an exhale of air against his lips as the gap slowly, almost completely, diminished. Dan still had one last thing to say, he needed to throw one more thing out there before their fates were sealed. 

"You know that is the meanest thing you have ever done?" Dan husked. 

Phil pulled back only a little with half-lidded eyes, "What is that?" 

"You have driven me to this point where I am now completely insane." 

There was a husky chuckle that filled the small amount of space between the two. This was it, this had to be it. Dan even felt Phil's upper lip stubble as lips were barely in connection. He had him, he really had him. 

Of course nothing in life ever goes that smoothly. 

"Prepare to lose in a battle of- O-oh God," Martyn stopped in his tracks as the pair flew back from each other. 

Fuck. _fuck_. **FUCK**.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not even sorry ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯


	16. Chapter 16

Life always moves in slow motion during two scenarios:  
1\. When something is going perfectly.  
2\. When something is going wrong.

Dan was no stranger to this weird warped reality where everything moved agonizingly slow, but this - this was a little different. Never in his life has he ever had a blissfully right moment interrupted like this. He could scream; he could punch something; instead, he found himself frozen looking like a deer in headlights waiting for someone to say something - _anything._

No one ever would. In fact, Martyn would just back out the room slowly as he and Phil remained there in dead silence. They both stood there, wide eyed, waiting for the other to speak. No one had the courage to do it however now that the moment was over. All confidence was lost once their lips separated. This was a lot. **This was too much.**

Dan sucked in a sharp breath before heading out the room. Once he heard no one following him, the message was clear: he was in the wrong on this one. He shouldn't have invaded Phil's space, he shouldn't have assumed things would go the way _he_ wanted them to. Dan continued walking until he was out the door and halfway down the street of an American suburb he did **not** know his way around. Still no one was following him and that is what hurt the most. He could handle rejection, but this, he could not.

They always say you should never assume things because all it does is make an ass out of _'u + me'._ Dan sees now that whoever came up with that was right. In that moment though everything felt so right. He could still feel the heat from Phil's breath as he also inched in closer. If that really was something he didn't want then why did he also push for it? Dan was really over thinking this at this point especially considering Phil never verbally said he did not want that kiss. There Dan was assuming things again. He was assuming Phil was disgusted in him based on the fact he did not chase after him, but who would? Dan didn't even give him more than a moment to react.

Dan had to go back, he had to apologize for everything. However, once he stopped walking he did not recognize anything at all. He ended up out of the suburb and into more of a metropolitan looking area. The streets were bustling as the sun was beginning to set and suddenly Dan felt completely like a tourist. 

"Hey there hot stuff," a woman winked as she bumped shoulders with Dan. 

"Oh bloody hell, where am I?" Dan asked only to see the woman's smirk widen. 

"Holy shit, you're hot _and_ British? What's your name?" 

"It's Dan, listen you are a lovely woman and all but-" 

Dan was cut off by high pitched laughing which made Dan tilt his head in confusion. 

"Oh honey, I am glad you think these are real but I am anything but a woman. However, tonight you can call me Kelsey. While you are at it you can call me whatever you like. he, she, madam, _daddy_." Kelsey winked again as her voice dropped at least three octaves. Since she was in drag however Dan decided to continue to see her as the lovely woman she was in this moment. Her hair was bottle blonde and voluptuous as all heck. Her makeup was heavily plastered onto her obviously spray tanned skin that was barely covered by her tight, short pink dress. She was interesting that is for sure, but Dan knew she was far too much for him to even handle. Maybe she could help him get back to the Lester's at least. 

"Right, Kelsey listen I am trying to get back to my friend's house. I am so lost right now though, think you can help?" 

"Sure, after you buy me a drink that is," Kelsey then linked arms with Dan as she pulled him to the nearest bar. 

*

This place was small but packed wall to wall with people that somehow all knew Kelsey. The music was loud, the lights were bright colours, and everyone was a sweaty mess as they grinded on each other. Dan felt so out of place right now with his ripped black jeans and over sized black hoodie. It was already getting too hot so he instantly pushed up his sleeves in an attempt to cool off, but it was pointless. 

"Whatcha drinking british boy?" Kelsey leaned in and asked during a moment of quiet between songs. Her perfume was strong, but at least it was nice. 

"I don't have any money," Dan admitted. It was true since he did just randomly back out of the house.

"Doesn't matter darling, he is buying." Kelsey shouted in Dan's ear over the music that started up again as she pointed her perfectly manicured finger over to a bigger looking man who was holding up a beer as an indication on who he was and what he was doing. 

"Tequila then," Dan shouted back.

*

seven shots of tequila later and Dan was feeling it.

"So then like, I kiss him and his fucking brother walks in and no one says _anything!_ "

Dan was slurring at this point as the alcohol was clearly letting his filter slip. He was leaning against Kelsey outside as they sat against the wall to get some fresh air. 

"So you kissed him then? What is the issue?" She asked taking a drag from her cigarette and blowing the smoke away from Dan. 

"The issue is that I still have no idea how he feels. I feel like a bloody mess now because part of me is reliving the kiss, whilst the other part is reliving the after math."

Kelsey began to pat Dan's wavy hair as she pulled him closer to her chest. It was not in a sexual way, it was definitely out of comfort or maybe even pity. She let out a long exhale, "Dan I can see you are confused but do you want an outsider's opinion?" 

"Yes, of course," Dan replied. 

"You need to walk your tight ass back to that man and claim him! Properly claim him. He obviously wants you babe, and that much is even obvious to me."

Dan moved his head to look up at Kelsey who was smiling fondly down at him. Why did everyone feel the need to look at Dan like a child? It always hurt a little, but of course it was always appreciated. He took a long moment to think and sort out his alcohol flooded thoughts. 

"I'm scared," He finally breathed out. 

"Of what?" Kelsey shot right back.

"Rejection. What if he doesn't want this...what if he doesn't want me?" 

Kelsey shrugged, "That my love, you will never know until you ask. Besides, even if he rejects you, you can always come back to me~" She winked. 

Dan knew she was kidding, even so, that did make him laugh and feel better. He took a long moment to just relax against Kelsey's surprisingly soft torso to sober up before finally getting up. 

"So are you leaving me now then?" She asked as she looked up at him. 

"Yeah, but I won't forget this," Dan smiled.

"Wait, before you go I think we should do something for you." 

Dan looked down at her curiously before she just stood up and took his hand, leading him back into the club but now into a more quiet secluded area. Presumably, this was an employee changing room.

"Alright lover boy, if you are going to get you the man of your dreams let's get you looking like a full course meal!" Kelsey cheered as she began clicking her heels over to a closet. She kept moving hanger after hanger over. "We are in Florida so let's get you in something more pink and less funeral."

"I happen to like my monochromatic wardrobe!" Dan grumbled as he sat on one of the stools in front of the wall of mirrors. 

"Don't worry babe, you can keep a black shirt on under this. Just leave it open! Besides, this only has a touch of colour." She said pulling out a button up shirt with a pink sakura print, mountains, and two birds on the front. "This shirt definitely says that you are not scared of a feminine touch and that you know you look damn good in anything." Kelsey threw the shirt over at Dan and he smiled a bit as he looked at it. 

"Fine, I don't hate it," He smirked. 

"Of course you don't because I picked it out!" Kelsey laughed as she threw a more form fitting black short sleeved shirt to put on underneath. "You have a nice chest sweets, show it off!"

Dan blushed at the compliment as he changed into his new shirts. He stood up and looked in the mirror only to smile when he saw how good he looked. 

"Now that is a whole buffet," Kelsey whispered in his ear.

"Thanks Kelsey, so now what do I do?" Dan asked confused. 

This question caused Kelsey to snort with a laugh. "Aw, honey, you really are new to this! You go back and you _show_ him what you want!" 

"Okay, but, I still have no idea how to get back..." Dan mumbled. 

"Oh right. Well, I may have brought him to you. You know, you only wandered a mile away. Plus Mister Phil Lester 'weatherman extraordinaire' is very active on social media. He was not a hard man to track down." She snickered.

"Wait you brought him here?" Dan asked suddenly feeling his whole body tense up. 

"More or less. He is at the restaurant next door. I figured you would want your first date to have more of an ambiance." 

"D-date? Does he think it is a date?" Dan stuttered. He was beginning to feel dizzy from all the alcohol again. 

"You are too cute Dan." Kelsey leaned in to pinch Dan's cheeks. "Whether it is a date or not is still for you to decide. If my humble opinion means anything however, I do say it is a date. Also, from what I could tell Mister Philip feels the same way."

Dan smiled as he embraced Kelsey, breathing in the scent of her overbearing perfume. "Thanks, really." 

"Oh hush you! It was nothing! I got to spend my entire night with a hot British guy after all so this was the least I could do! Now, go get him!" Kelsey demanded as she pushed Dan away and in the direction of the exit. "Good luck! Name your first adopted child after me!" She shouted as Dan ran out of the club.

It was only a matter of getting there. Dan could do this, he really could. His legs felt like jelly as he continued to run until he made it in front of the restaurant next door. His heart nearly stopped as he saw who he was looking for. _Phil_. **His Phil**. At least now he thinks there is hope he could be his. Phil was sat alone at a table for two anxiously swishing his wine around the glass. His hair was perfectly quiffed as his grey polo with a zippy front made him look like a damn model. He looked so good. So good in fact Dan froze. It wasn't until Phil locked eyes with him that he remembered how to move. He made his way into the restaurant taking the spot across from Phil as he was still catching his breath. 

"Dan, you-"

"Shut up," Dan wheezed a little as he took a sip of the water placed in front of him. He wasn't trying to sound rude but Dan wanted to be the first say anything, even if it took him a moment to gather his thoughts. This was going to take a lot more out of him than he thought but he was ready, he really was. 

_Dan was ready to take his blind leap of faith._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I feel a little bad to leave it on a cliffhanger mostly because I have training at work the next few days so I wont be around until at least Friday. Anywaaaay~ I hope ya'll aren't too mad! <3 Also, I am so sorry for this chapter being so short D: work was so busy for no reason today ;(


	17. Chapter 17

It's been five minutes. Five minutes of silence, five minutes of staring, and five minutes of Dan collecting his words within the confides of his mind. 

Phil looked like he wanted to say something, and Dan was sure Phil _did_ want to say something, but Dan had to go first. He was frozen however trying to think of the first words to say. Does he start off with his confession of love? Does he start off by explaining why he ran away? He had no idea what to do because nothing felt right. Phil cleared his throat for probably the twentieth time at this point and Dan knew that Phil was probably more concerned than annoyed. He needed a few more moments though. He needed to remember what it was like to truly put your heart on the line.

"What was it like the first time you fell in love?" Dan asked as he finally broke the silence. That question, it threw Phil off guard and clearly he was confused but he still answered. 

"It was scary. I was still in my early teenage years and convinced that this one girl was the one for me. It all felt right and I was always so happy just to talk to her and I still to this day remember every emotion I felt whenever I saw her name pop up on my messenger. However, it was short lived when I noticed she did not feel the same. In fact, she had even forgotten about me while she was sick for a few days and ended up kissing someone else at the cinema. I experienced my first love and first heartbreak all within the same week." Phil said with a small, almost sad, laugh.

"Brutal," Dan mumbled. He had no idea why he asked that question so suddenly, but he wanted to know. 

"What about you?" Phil the questioned back at him. 

Dan leaned back a little as he sipped at his wine gingerly. His first experience with love was a little later in life, in fact it was only a few years ago. He did not have to think back that far, but it felt like an eternity of memories. 

"I was eighteen when I fell in love, but I knew her since we were Fifteen. It took me a long time to actually notice my feelings for her but once I did, I was already in it for the long run. We met in school actually. Evangeline was a transfer student and I was the lucky guy who got to show her around. Guys were constantly hitting on her because honestly, she was the most beautiful girl in the entire school if not the entire world. I was so lucky that she seemed to be glued to my side and my side only. She would come over every day as well and just watch me play video games for hours on end."

There was a long pause as Dan was trying to not dwell too much on the past. These memories hurt a little but he knew that hurting equals healing. He was trying to really focus on the good. He was trying to focus on what truly made him fall in love with Evangeline and even life itself.

"She was also the one who got me into playing the piano. I will never forget that, the first time I fell in love with music. It's funny because music is the perfect thing to fall in love with because it never dies, but of course that was not enough for me. Eventually, I made room in my heart for the woman who taught me how to love anything. I was always so alone and so bitter before her, and even after her, but if it wasn't for her and her love I would be nothing."

It was awkward for a long moment after that as the pair sat across from each other in silence. They were both awkward, and no one seemed to have the confidence to speak up until Phil finally broke that tension. 

"What I told you earlier that really was not the first time I fell in love. I guess I count it but I have only truly been in love once, and you already know who that was now."

Dan heard what Phil was saying and he waited for Phil to elaborate but when he didn't he knew he had to ask. 

"Tell me what it was like falling in love with Penelope then," Dan said. 

Phil leaned back a little and looked up to the ceiling as if it had all the answers before finally returning his eye contact back to Dan. 

"It was easy. That is the sweet and simple answer everyone usually wants to hear and it is the truth. Falling in love with Penelope was the easiest thing I ever had to do. It came naturally, even. Thinking back to that time when I first saw her I can even dare to say it was love at first sight...however just because someone is easy to love that does not mean they are right for you. Our relationship was great...at first. I was the new weatherman at our very small television broadcasting centre and she was a news caster for the same station. Both of us were new to this field, but she was a natural. Watching her always made my heart speed up to the point I even went to the doctor to make sure I didn't have some form of a heart disease."

That made Dan snort a little with a laugh. It was so Phil. 

"Oh come on, I was scared okay! Turns out the only disease I had was falling in love. I had no idea what I was doing though so I remember seeking out help from _everyone_. My mum, my dad, my brother, his girlfriend, all my co-workers...everyone. Everyone had the same response: just ask her out, you dummy! So I did."

"If it was so easy for you to fall in love, then why did you not know right away?" Dan dared to ask. 

Phil gave a little bit of a crooked smile. "I always thought falling in love would be so obvious. I thought there would be bells, whistles, the whole nine yards. Instead I found myself feeling something unknown basically towards a stranger. It was a random Monday, but it was a Monday that would change my life. I see Penelope as a lesson now." He stated which made Dan raise an eyebrow in question and after a long hesitation Phil finally continued, "She was a lesson that taught me to fall more carefully next time...however, I am a very slow learner." 

"Phil, what does that-" 

Phil held up a hand to cut Dan off. 

"Penelope she was a firecracker. When her temper was hot, it was hotter than the hottest day on record, 56.7°C by the way, and when she was was upset her temper was subzero. You mentioned once that when we go over the history of someone we only tell people the good parts. That is true. Whenever I would tell people about Penelope I would only share the good. I would never share all avoidable fights we had; I would never share all the nights she literally left me alone at the club because of her jealousy; I would never share how much she would leave in the middle of the night just because she was upset. I would never share any of it because I felt like that was unfair to her...to us. However, what really was my breaking point was the day she had me decide between taking in a homeless man on the streets and her. I already said that choice was the easiest choice of my life and I am still not lying about that."

"You still didn't have to leave her because of me. I never wanted to come between you two," Dan mumbled.

Phil just laughed at that response which irritated Dan a little causing a crease to form between his brows.

"Dan you never came between anything. I was not meant to be with her. I loved her and I always will but she has moved on." 

"She has?" Dan asked confused since only a few weeks ago she was all over Phil. 

"Yes, she has. She met a guy at a club and he is perfect for her if I do say so myself."

"Then why were you out with her all night when you were her date for her event?" 

"Do you want the truth?" Phil asked and Dan nodded in response, downing the rest of his wine.

"I left the event once the guy she really wanted to be with showed up. She might not have known it at the time she asked me to be her date, but she really did want him there instead. It hurt a little honestly, but it gave me a long time to think. I ended up walking the town and taking the same route I would to work everyday. I realised I never noticed you and that realisation _sucked_. I was always so buried in my phone texting Penelope that I never even noticed you. A chance of fate brought me to you though, a change in the weather. You see before I met you I had my entire life planned out and everyday was the same. I was content with that idea, but was I happy? No. When I tripped over you and saw your heated face, a flicker of excitement coursed throughout my veins. When I walked that same path on that night I realised I was not upset at all over losing Penelope. And the reason I wasn't upset was because I remembered that I had something more exciting waiting at home. Penelope moved on that night and so did I." 

Dan was blushing at this point and that blush was settling in the rosy patch it always did. Was this a confession? Wait no, this couldn't be. Dan wanted to be the first to say it, that was his _whole_ plan. 

"Phil please, let me speak!" Dan cut him off before Phil could go any further. 

Phil just smiled and leaned in closer with a smirk on his face, "I'm all ears."

"Christ mate, you are throwing so much at me and not even letting me contribute," Dan sighed before taking another deep breath in. "I am a mess," Dan breathed out which made Phil laugh. 

"I know," Phil chimed in.

"Oi, let me continue. I am a mess and although you know that already, I really don't think you know what you are getting yourself into. You honestly do not know much about me actually. I have a fear of trees and the dark, I know that is a minute thing to know about me but you should at least know that. I also am very organized which is why I always yell at you about your damn socks. I have a younger brother, but I haven't really spoke to him since I left for London. my Grandmother basically raised me and my parents have been gone as long as I can remember. I am a constant work in progress when it comes to my mental health, but I am always willing to try. Most importantly, I am very capable of loving I just always need time." Dan barely stopped to breathe as he was confessing all of this.

"I actually knew a decent amount of that. You may think you have all these walls built up, but Dan, you are really transparent. I already knew all this and I still-"

"Shut up! I love you!" Dan blurted out a little too loudly as those around them stared. Dan looked horrified as he groaned and rubbed his face as he closed his eyes. This was meant to be romantic; he was supposed to quietly whisper an 'I love you' between kisses, not shout it angrily. Dan was scared to look, he really was scared to look. He was sure Phil would be getting up, in fact he heard the chair scrape across the floor. He took a moment to listen for footsteps walk away but instead they were moving close until he could see a shadow behind his eyes. 

"Dan," Phil's voice was close. 

Dan finally opened his eyes to see Blue ones looking into his, almost with a look of determination. A clumsy, yet somehow still gentle hand made its way through Dan's wavy locks before stopping to run a large thumb across Dan's reddened cheek. There was a long a moment of just eye contact and none of them moved, none of them wanted to. They were close enough to kiss right now, actually Dan wanted to kiss him right now but some invisible barrier was holding him back. He wanted Phil to say something, anything. This silence was thick and awkward. Finally, it was laid to rest along with every other fear Dan had as Phil leaned his forehead against Dan's. He was leaning awkwardly in order to achieve this, but it felt right. 

"I love you too," Phil finally replied.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Short, sweet, and to the point! So I hear your concerns about this ending, but believe me it is really just beginning! I mean why would I end it just as they are getting together? These two still have a lot to learn and we are all in the journey with them! Anyway, hi, I am trash and I love cliffhangers at points so please put up with me a little bit longer as I continue to end chapters at the best points!


	18. Chapter 18

If Dan could take a moment of his life to turn into a cinematic masterpiece, this would be it. 

Here he was: face to face with the man of his dreams after a grueling uphill battle. Their foreheads were touching, spectators were spectating, and this moment was a moment Dan wishes he could replay at will. He lifted his hand to place it over Phil's and smiled when he saw Phil's lips curve upwards by instinct. 

"Say it again," Dan breathed out. He was going to be as greedy as he wanted with this moment as he burned it into his memory. 

"I love you, Dan," Phil whispered as his thumb caressed his rosy patch. 

"I don't think I will ever get used to that." Dan said as he then sucked in a sharp breath when he felt a scratch of stubble accompanied by the warmth of Phil's lips pressed against his cheek. 

"You don't have to," Phil whispered in his ear before finally pulling back. "Now then, will you enjoy this date with me?" 

Dan was frozen in shock and love alike. He couldn't believe this was actually happening. It felt like a dream, it felt like-

"Dan!" Phil screeched once Dan's head heavily fell forward. He was too dizzy, he had to take a moment.

*

"I can't believe you practically passed out. Are you okay?" Phil asked with eyes full of concern as they both leaned up against a beach barrier.

The sound of the ocean in the distance was comforting as the Floridian breeze felt wonderful against Dan's still burning skin. 

"I'm..." Dan had to think for a long moment. Of course he was better than okay, but this all just happened so suddenly. "I'm just surprised," He finally admitted. 

Phil bumped shoulders with Dan as he chuckled. "I was surprised too." 

"When did you know? Wait no, I don't want to know, actually I do-" 

"Dan! Calm down. You really are a mess," Phil laughed. 

"How are you so calm?! I am supposed to be the one with no emotions!" 

Phil reached his hand over and grabbed Dan's hand, pulling him back to reality. That's when Dan noticed that a steady hand was not holding his, instead it was shaking. Phil was just as nervous as him after all. 

"Phil you-" 

"Shhh, let's just enjoy this moment," Phil whispered.

*

That moment lasted until the middle of the night. They didn't mean to stay out but Dan was feeling restless with oceans and hearing Phil speak, he was going through a play by play in his mind while thinking: 'It's strange what could happen in only a week'. Dan was focused on sea things but quickly replied, finding it funny how his rock could be this guy.

"Should we head back?" Dan finally sighed into the sea air. 

"Probably," Phil said with a squeeze to Dan's hand. Both of them were steady now, but their hearts were going wild. 

"Should we kiss first?" Dan asked.

"Does it feel right for you?" Phil asked back with a smirk as he turned to Dan. 

Everything did feel right about this moment. The serene ambiance of the Floridian shore, the slight chill in the air of the mid-spring midnight breeze, the soft scent of sand paired with the salty waves, and most importantly what felt right about this moment was just Phil. Even though this would be a picture perfect moment for their fist official kiss, Dan still felt like there could be a better moment. 

"Yes and no," Dan finally answered. 

"Let's head back then," Phil smiled.

*

Dan was kicking himself right now. He really wanted nothing more than to crawl into bed with Phil, but he declined earlier thinking he needed some time apart from him. Now that his heart was finally settled, his mind was going crazy. Dammit how was Phil sleeping so soundly? Dan already felt like a clingy boyfriend and then he felt his face heat up at the thought of that word. _boyfriend_ were they really boyfriends now? Shit. Dan added that on his list of things to ask Phil in the morning. Morning, oh God, it was already morning. The Lester clan would be up soon and Dan still has yet to even close his eyes. Dan's brain was currently a mishmosh of thoughts as he tried to get a grip back on reality. 'You know what? Fuck it.' Dan thought as he hopped out of his bed and marched his way over to Phil's, getting under the covers with him.

Phil opened his heavy eyes and gave a small smile before pulling Dan close to his chest, "So you finally joined me," he whispered as he placed a lazy kiss to the top of Dan's head. 

"Shut up," Dan grumbled but quickly settled his thoughts against Phil's warm chest.

*

The bright rays of the mid-afternoon sun made Dan stir until he was conscious again. He hasn't slept well, or even at all the past forty sum odd hours before finally finding peace of mind within Phil's arms and knocking out cold for twelve hours. He almost gasped at the beauty of Phil in this lighting. The way his black hair shined with the light; the way his freckles bloomed in the sun; the fairness of his skin...all of it, it was all so breath taking. Dan wanted to kiss every speckle that danced along Phil's body, but he wouldn't. Not yet.

Bright blue eyes with flecks of gold and green brought Dan straight back to earth.

"Mmm morning you," Phil finally whispered as he pulled Dan closer. 

"I think we slept past lunch," Dan replied. 

"Did we? Oh well." Phil shrugged and that motion literally squeezed Dan.

"How are you so casual about this?" Dan asked. 

"Do you really want to know my secret?" 

Dan pulled back enough to see Phil's face and he nodded. 

"I am just as nervous as you, but I am keeping it together for you," Phil confessed.

"Am I really that much of a mess?" Dan groaned. 

"Yes, but now I guess you are my mess," Phil laughed. 

Dan felt his face heat up as he tried to pull away from Phil, only to end up in a much tighter embrace. He eventually gave up and relinquished himself to this new world of lazy afternoon cuddling.

*

The sun has set and now their stomachs were protesting. However, Neither of them wanted to make the first movement. Ah~ this really was the blissful serenity of _the honey moon phase._

"Come on," Phil said but made no movement. 

"You come on," Dan mumbled into Phil's shoulder. 

Phil opened his arms, releasing Dan, and he actually whined. 

"Wow, I did not know you were this clingy," Phil laughed. 

" 'M not," Dan protested. 

"Yes you are and your whole personality has changed. You are more like a - how do I put it...domesticated dog now?" 

"Woof," Dan said flatly before showing his attitude and finally getting up.

"If you're going to be mad, be mad later!" Phil laughed as he went after Dan.

*

Apparently the Lester's did not wait for Dan and Phil to wake up for dinner, but Kath was nice enough to leave some leftovers in the oven. There was a note on the oven that read:

_Dear boys,_  
Went out for ice cream and other adventures, be back later.  
xx,  
mum 

So they were alone. Phil just looked casual as he pulled the warmed up leftovers out of the oven.

"Of course they chose today to go out for dessert," he whined as he took a spot across from Dan. 

"That's what you get for over sleeping mate," Dan laughed. "Oi!" He then shouted as a pea was flung at his face. 

Phil was going that laugh with his tongue between his teeth. That was the laugh that always made Dan's heart stop; it was mischievous and endearing rolled into one. 

"I'll take you out for ice-cream," Dan finally found the words to speak again. 

"Are you asking me on a date Danny?" Phil's face lit up.

That look was far too much and caused Dan's entire face to go beet red, "N-No, Yes, shut up!" 

"I see your temper is back~"

So this was life after confessing. It wasn't the sex filled days Dan envisioned, but honestly he wasn't even ready for that yet. He would take the opportunity for ice-cream dates and lazy cuddle days over anything. This was just the beginning and it was only about to get better.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I swear longer chapters are coming again! I am thinking of taking the time to write one chapter within two days so I have more I can add! Because right now, I just cram it all into one shift lol! I need a better method, lord help me. Anyway, I still hope the fluff made up for the shortness of the chapter! <3


	19. Chapter 19

"I can't believe how boring you are." Phil was looking at Dan's bland vanilla ice-cream as he took a bite out of his mostly-candy coated frozen sweet treat. 

"At least I don't run the risk of getting diabetes at the ripe age of twenty-eight." Dan's tone was flat, but there was a small dip in his cheek from his smirk.

"Well I can't even have that much dairy anyway because I'm-"

"Lactose sensitive." Dan and Phil both said at the same time. 

"You're annoying," Phil said with a pout.

Dan just gave a laugh in response, one of those higher pitched ones that softened every one of his features. The kind of laugh that is a dead give away on how soft he really is. 

"I'm your annoying now, mate." 

"So you are." Phil sighed with a touch of fondness.

They were sitting next to each other on a bench outside the ice-cream shop that was now closed. Their frozen treats have begun to melt a little at this point and had become more of a cold soup, but that was only because both of their stomachs were in _knots_. Not the bad kind of knots, just the kind you get when you sit next to someone you have so much to say to, but not enough courage. Love took courage and right now both boys were cowards.

The breeze felt nice and Dan found himself closing his eyes as he tilted his head upwards to the sky. Maybe one day they could move away from cold, dreary London to sunny Florida. 

"What are you thinking about?" Phil's voice made Dan jump with this sudden question. 

Dan opened his eyes, but they remained fixated on the stars above. 

"What are you thinking about?" Dan shot the question right back at him with clear relaxation in his tone.

"Everything, I guess," Phil sighed out. 

"Good everything? Bad everything?" Dan lowered his voice as he felt himself tensing up again. 

Phil let out a soft laugh as his pinky inched over and hooked itself with Dan's. "Good. Can I ask you something?"

"Anything." 

"Are you...you know, Gay?" Phil asked. 

Dan finally moved his gaze from the stars back to Phil who was avoiding Dan's eyes now. Phil looked guilty, almost like he asked something completely wrong, but it wasn't. Dan was curious on how Phil felt as well, but honestly Dan had no words for what he preferred. 

"I'm not anything, I guess." Dan finally shrugged.

He then laughed at the confused expression on Phil's face as his large hand overlapped Phil's slightly smaller one. 

"Phil, I just have a thing for you."

*

It was starting to get cold but they both did not have the energy or the willpower to move at this point. There was also so much to be said, but again, none of them could find the words. Dan wanted to know so much. He wanted to know the moment Phil knew, he wanted to know what Phil was thinking, and he just wanted to know everything about Phil. This was scary and so new. He's never had to chase anyone before in the way he had to chase Phil. He wants to know if he felt the same comfort in those nights, wrapped up in blankets with the menu sounds of Mario Kart softly playing from the television; he wants to know if he found solace in those morning coffees; he wants to know if he fell in love between dusk and dawn; he wants to know every little thought and moment that is stored in Phil's memory, because he wants reassurance that he is not alone in this.

"Phil-"

"Should we head home now?" Phil cut him off with a smile. Actually, he wasn't really cutting him off, they just both spoke at the same time. Dan lost his courage in that moment however.

"Home?" Dan questioned that word. They weren't even close to their flat in London so what was he even talking about. 

"Yeah, well, you know." Phil was trying to gather his thoughts and Dan could tell he didn't even think before he said it. Dan could see Phil scrambling and he laughed as he stood up. 

"Yeah, I do," He finally chuckled. Dan really did know. He knew what it was like to make any house a home.

*

"Do you think we are moving too fast?" Phil asked in the middle of the night. Their bodies were tangled and they were so close they could smell the mint from each other's freshly brushed teeth.

"Do you?" 

"Okay, I see you are seeing Hank too much. Dan please I just want to know what you are thinking for once." 

Dan let out a heavy sigh. He wasn't annoyed or anything, he just had no idea how to answer. He knew how to accommodate himself so his answers matched whatever someone else was feeling, but this? He had no idea how to do this. For him it has never been how fast or slow anything is. Once he is in love, he is in it deep. Some may say it is too fast, but they already live together anyway. Plus, his feelings have been building up and festering for months now. Most people start off as friends and work their way up, but they started as strangers. How could Dan put it without coming off as forward? It's not like he wanted to get married tomorrow, he just knew that one day it was a possibility within his mind. As far as he is concerned he has accepted all the good, bad, and in-between that make Phil _Phil_.

"I've known for a while now that I wanted to be with you. We could get married tomorrow and I would be fine, or we could never get married at all and I would be okay. Wait, I sound crazy." Dan groaned once he noticed his words coming out before he could even think. 

"A little," Phil laughed but pulled himself closer to Dan. "But I like crazy." 

"Can I ask you something?"

"I guess it's only fair if I say anything," Phil replied. 

"Don't be offended, please don't. I just, when you said you loved me..did you mean it? It'sjustyou-" 

"Dan! you're mumbling your words together!" Phil laughed before he continued. "I don't know if you noticed it but there was a gap between your confession and my response."

Dan thought back to the other day and looking back he did remember it. In that moment it felt like a lifetime and a millisecond. It was strange, it felt like immediately after Dan said I love you Phil was returning it, when in reality it was minutes. Dan had his eyes closed, he heard the chair scrape across the floor, but really his mind warped that reality to make it seem like it was all in the same moment. It wasn't. There was a gap; a moment of hesitation. Oh God.

"I do," Dan's voice came out a little more choked up than he thought. He felt his throat closing up slightly as his entire body was tensing. He felt a reassuring squeeze soon after.

"Dan relax, that moment is how you _know_ I meant it." 

Dan was puzzled. That made no sense. Shouldn't love be returned instantly? Shouldn't there be no thoughts put into it? 

"Phil, I don't understand." He finally admitted. 

"Maybe you're not supposed to, but let me explain a little. Let's do a test," Phil smiled. 

Dan's brow furrowed he had no idea what Phil was about to put him through but he was also mildly intrigued. "Go on." 

"I love you," Phil whispered in Dan's ear. 

"I love you too." 

"Now then, did you even think about it?" Phil asked. 

"No," Dan said instantly.

"Okay, but were you even thinking at all?" 

"No..." 

"Think about it this time and let me know everything."

Dan nodded in response and braced himself. He cleared his mind so that he could really think about what to say. He felt Phil lean in closely and he even felt the warmth of Phil's breath fill his ear as shivers crept up his spine this time as a low _I love you_ was whispered. Dan took a moment to think as he let Phil's voice linger in his ear. He could feel his own heart pounding along with Phil's as his hand was pressed up against his chest. His fingers instinctively scrunched up Phil's t-shirt as he felt himself finally release the breath he didn't know he was holding in. He felt it, he felt every fiber of his being spark up this time. 

"Holy shit," he finally responded.

"It's different when you think about it, isn't it?" Phil chuckled. 

It was, it really was.

"I see what you mean, but how does this explain anything?" 

"Dan, I knew I loved you already but when you said it, I decided to think. When people automatically reply it's almost just an instinct to say it back. On the other hand, when you take a moment to think that is how you know it's real. I'm not going to lie, before recently I did not put much thought into my feelings for you, but that was only because I was scared. I've felt things for guys before, but you're the first guy I've felt _this_ for. I wanted to make sure I knew the difference between love and lust in my mind and I definitely came to that conclusion between that gap."

"Who knew you were so philosophical."

"I am _**Phil**_ osophical." Phil said as he laughed at his own bad pun. 

"I want to break up," Dan groaned as he turned away from Phil. He then found himself smiling as he felt a chest pressing again't his back. 

"Love you too," Phil laughed.

*

Dan woke up before Phil and somehow managed to wiggle out of his arms without waking him up. It's their last day here in Florida and it's also the last opportunity for everyone to be together. Dan decided to let Phil sleep a little longer however as he sought after everyone else.

"Morning!" Kath was as bright as ever. She seemed much more rested than she has these last few days. 

"Uhh, Morning." Dan replied. Shit. Without Phil around he had no idea how to socialize. 

"Oh no need to be shy love," Kath said brightly with her thick accent as he pulled Dan into an embrace. 

"Welcome to the Lester clan." Cornelia laughed from the kitchen table. 

"Wait, how did-"

"This one." Cornelia laughed as she pointed to Martyn. 

"Sorry mate, she literally twisted my arm." Martyn mumbled.

"Oh." That was the only response Dan could think of as he finally was released from Kath's grasp. 

"Don't worry love, we will treat you just like one of us!" 

"It's true, I am a Lester already even with out the legalities." Cornelia chimed back in.

"Right but...are you okay with it?" Dan asked. He didn't want to offend any of them but they almost seemed _too_ accepting. 

"Can we talk outside perhaps?" Kath asked.

*

It was really a nice day out and the birds were definitely making a ruckus as they flapped across the blue skies. This felt like a movie almost. It was much more awkward than a scripted cinematic scene however. They've been standing outside now for nearly ten minutes and no one has said a word. That tension was getting to Dan's nerves and before he knew it he was sitting down, unable to stand the pressure any longer.

"You alright love?" Kath asked with a worried tone only a mother could achieve. 

"Yeah sorry, I just felt light headed." 

"You haven't been eating properly then," Kath gently scolded. 

"I guess not." 

"Why is that you reckon?" 

Dan felt like he was in therapy, he felt the need to dig deep within the confides of his mind for an answer, but in reality the answer was at the surface. 

"I'm new to this," he finally sighed. 

"It get easier, you know? I remember being young and in love, it truly is a beautiful thing. In fact, it's even more beautiful to watch others fall in love. Dan, you want to know if I am okay with this and I am...mostly. I have to put any biased thoughts I have aside and find the beauty in everything else. You both are in love and it is beautiful. When you're a mum, or a parent in general your children are your flowers. You plant the seeds, you nurture them, care for them, and watch them _grow_. However, if you do everything right instead of just watching them grow, you get to watch them _**bloom**_. When Phil was with Penelope I watched him grow. I watched his confidence grow, I watched his smile grow, and I watched his heart grow. On the other hand, when I see him with you I truly get to see him blossom. That is the difference between love and _**love**_. Everything is so much brighter now about my Phil and that is exactly why I am so happy." 

Kath was crying now. She was choked up and sobbing out her words. Without even thinking, Dan got up and held her tightly. He gave a peck to her cheek that only a son could achieve before whispering, "Thank you." 

Kath pulled back and wiped her tears away. "No love, thank you."

There was a long silence but this time it wasn't awkward, it was comforting. Kath was the first one to break that silence however. 

"So, what was it like?" She asked.

Dan raised an eyebrow in question, "What was what like?" 

"Your first kiss! Oh come on, don't be shy! I want to hear about all the butterflies." 

"Oh, uh, about that...your other blossomed flower actually interrupted us."

"I could kill him!" She squeaked. "Well then, when it does happen make sure you give me a ring, alright?" 

"Of course, mu-Kath." Dan smiled as his dimple and rosy patch appeared at the same time.

"You can call me mum."

"Okay...mum." Dan struggled a little to say it but the smile that Kath gave in response assured him that it was alright. 

In fact, everything was alright.


	20. Chapter 20

It was the early hours of their last Floridian morning and no one was feeling relaxed. In fact, the entire house was buzzing with commotion about who put what passport where and exactly where they can shove it if they leave it laying on the kitchen counter again. 

Everyone's flights were at different times mostly because they all had separates lives. Phil's parent's were set to leave first, then Phil's brother and technical sister in law, and finally the freshest couple of the household. Even though Phil's parent's had to head out shortly, of course Kath had to bring everyone together for one last breakfast. 

"So Dan, can we expect you to come up north next time?" Kath asked nonchalantly.

Dan had no idea what to say to that. He honestly hasn't put much thought into whether or not he wanted to join Phil next time. Of course he wants to go but something about going home with him feels a little much. 

"It's a possibility," Dan finally said. 

"Well, just know you are always welcome love. You don't even need to bring Philip along with you, in fact, leave that one at home."

"Mum!" Phil whined, making everyone at the table laugh including Dan.

"Oh hush child you know I don't mean it...or do I?" Kath said with a mischievous grin. 

The table was filled with laughter and love alike. This is exactly what a home should feel like, Dan thought. He felt so warm, full, and happy surrounded by a family who put each other first. Dan honestly did feel welcome with open arms, just sometimes he didn't know how to accept them.

*

Everyone else has made their way out of the house leaving everything so quiet that it almost felt empty. It was weird, Dan had been alone for so long and never felt the gaps of human interaction until now. Just hours ago his heart was so full and now it only felt heavy. He missed the loudness that only a close family can achieve, but at least he still had someone... _his someone_.

Dan was packing up the last of his belongings before standing in the room that started it all. His hand wandered up to his lips as a ghost of a smile formed remembering the light press of Phil's against his own. He could do that whenever now...but something inside him wanted to wait. He wanted the perfect moment so this way his mind could always refer back to it as a picture perfect scene. Besides, they had all the time in the world now.

"Why are you smirking to yourself like that? Are you plotting my death already?" 

Phil's voice broke Dan's concentration and made him jump before a wider smile formed on his face. 

"Possibly," he said making his eyes go wide in a psychotic manor. 

"Well think of it this way, if I'm gone you will have no one to play mario kart with." 

"There is an online setting you turnip." Dan said with a laugh before reaching out to grab Phil's hand and pull him close. "But then again, I am not guaranteed to kick their ass," he whispered lowly in Phil's ear. 

When Phil pulled back he was red in the face with a flustered expression, that same flustered expression he gave only days ago. "H-Hey I win sometimes!" 

"I think the question you need to be asking is if you win on your own or if I let you win," Dan teased. 

This felt right, this felt like flirting. Dan felt a flicker of courage and excitement alike coursing through his veins as his heart welt wild. Is this the right moment? Dammit why was Dan trying to find the right moment anyway? Any moment with Phil would be right. He found himself leaning in before there was a familiar tune going off on Phil's phone that made them both instantly pull back just inches before the gaps were closed. 

"Are you going to answer it mate?" Dan asked. 

"It's our driver..."

"Right, let's get going then."

*

On the plane home this time Phil didn't even waste anytime before leaning up against Dan's shoulder.

"Did you have fun?" Phil asked. 

"Hmmm?" Dan was half asleep already with his cheek pressed against the top of Phil's hair. He breathed in the soft scents of his shampoo and sighed out contently before feeling Phil move in a way that snuggled himself closer to Dan.

Dan was in a dreamlike state as he felt every small movement Phil made. This was reality and he was finally happy with it. He kept thinking about how on the trip here they were in a similar position but it felt so different than it does now. Now, there are no questions or guesses between every movement, instead there is only comfort behind every motion. He had heard Phil's question and he's been letting it linger in the air for a long moment now. It was probably too late to respond, but he decided to anyway.

"This was the most fun I've ever had," Dan finally sighed out with fondness filling every ounce his voice.

"So far," Phil whispered against Dan's neck in a way that sent shivers up his spine and sent a spark throughout his entire body. Now was not the time to get excited however. Either way those words made Dan's heart and mind soar. 

Dan responded with a light kiss to the top of Phil's head before breathing out, "sleep."

*

Once they made it home they realised their entire sleep schedule would be totally thrown off now. Luckily, they still had a few more days to adjust back to their daily lives which also meant they had more time to just enjoy the newness of their relationship.

"So, how are our sleeping arrangements working now?" Dan asked as he wrapped a blanket around them on the couch as Phil snuggled in close. 

"The same as it's always been practically, right?" 

"You mean to tell me my plan to take over your way-too-comfortable bed failed?! This is rigged! If I knew we would still be sleeping on the couch I would have never made you fall in love with me!" Dan said dramatically.

Phil laughed as he reached up to boop Dan's nose. "No, I meant we will still end up in each other's arms somehow every night. It doesn't matter where we end up falling asleep because all I need is you...and your warmth. You know, you are like a space heater right? Also your scent...you smell just like _warm._ " Phil wrapped his arms around Dan's torso and gave him a squeeze. His voice was drifting slightly towards the end and Dan found himself completely stuck with awe as he listened to the soft snores that followed only minutes later. 

"Warm, eh? I guess that was a compliment." Dan smiled as his hand drifted into Phil's dark locks. His hair was soft and honestly Dan could play with it for hours. In fact, he would.

*

Dan woke up laying flat on his back with Phil on top of him, sprawled out against his chest. He could feel his own heart pounding against Phil's ear as he sat up enough to take in the view. Apparently, that movement was enough to wake Phil because he was soon met with glistening blue eyes paired with a yawn.

"Morning Dan," Phil said sleepily as he settle back down against Dan's beating heart. 

Dan could find no words in this moment. He was just so in the moment of this reality that he felt stuck. Of course, Phil interpreted this completely wrong as he lifted his body up with panic.

"O-oh God Dan, are you okay do I need to call Hank? Do I need-"

Laughter, Phil was cut of by laughter as Dan hugged Phil back down. 

"All you need to do is stay right here."

"I kind of have to pee though..." Phil whined but made no valiant effort to move. 

"Sort yourself out mate, that is one thing that is not on my list of kinks." Dan smirked as he gently began to push Phil off himself. 

"I-...I'm not even going to ask," Phil sighed as he shook his head to get up.

*

Phil also decided to take a shower when he got up and Dan made breakfast while listening to the sounds of Phil serenading the walls. You would think after all this time of singing the same song over and over again he would get better over time, but sadly that is not what happened. Dan wants to plug his ears, but he also has to admit he's grown used to this morning routine and no morning would be complete without Celine Dion. In fact Dan decided he wanted to join in.

"YOU'RE HEREEEE THERE'S NOTHING I FEAR!" Dan shouted into the flat.

There was only silence for a long moment as Dan heard the water stop before Phil busted through the door sporting his usual unnecessary amount of towels. 

"AND I KNOW THAT MY HEART WILL GO OOOOON," Phil continued in his usual off-key tone.

Dan laughed as he put down his spatula to move in and grab Phil's hands and pull him close.

"We'll stay forever this way," Dan lowered his tone since they were now swaying and lingering next to each other's ears

"You are safe in my heart and my heart will go on and on..." 

They both finished the lyrics without even any music but lingered in the embrace. Dan then noticed the lack of clothing on Phil before his face heated up and he pushed him away, looking away in the process. 

"G-Go get decent man!"

Phil only laughed, poking his tongue between his teeth before heading into the bedroom.

Dan leaned up against the counter as he settled his far-too-erratic heartbeat. He had to remember this was okay anyway, they were dating now. Eventually they would be sharing the same space completely naked, eventually- Dan's face was over heating at the thought alone. It was stupid, really, he's done this before but this was different. He had no idea the rules or roles to play. He decided though that he had all the time in the world. He also decided that the first time he would get it right. They would take their time, get the mood right, and work from there. There was no rush. In fact, he wanted everything to be slow so he could enjoy every moment. 

Until then, he decided to swoon his new lover as much as possible. He was a hopeless romantic after all. Morning serenades and breakfast in bed were just the beginning.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i get the point of training at work and all but dangit i am trying to write! lol i am so sorry about delays lately! they have me doing so much at work i don't even know my own name half the time anymore! anyyyyway i should be a little more on track now that i am caught up with training! love you guys! thank you for being so patient with me xx


	21. Chapter 21

Mornings really were only the beginning. It was time to take Phil out on a proper date. Yeah sure they had dinner and yeah sure they had an ice-cream date, but now it was time to move onto yet another cliche: The Cinema. 

"Hypothetically, what is your favourite genre of movie?" Dan asked Phil between a bite of breakfast on the couch. 

Phil chewed his food as his eyes looked up the the ceiling for answers. "Horror I guess," he finally answered. 

Dan could have seen that one coming. Whenever there was any form of any horror movie on the television Phil was always switching to it, intently watching as if he were a young child again. The graphics were always awful due to the fact they were all made in the late eighties-early nineties, but either way Phil always still found at least _one_ part to jump at. Maybe this would work in Dan's favour after all. He could see it now, Daniel James Howell: knight in shining armour.

Dan really didn't like horror that much himself. In fact thanks to the bloody blair witch project he found himself left with a fear of trees and the dark. Maybe he was just using that movie as an excuse but either way, something about horror made him feel uneasy. Even if he didn't believe in ghosts or an afterlife, there was always this petrifying fear of the _unknown_. Send Dan robbers, murderers, and anything akin all day long and Dan was cool as a cucumber. However, if you send an immortal little girl who crawls out of a TV he would nope the hell out of that situation. Even with this internal fear, he still knew he could put up a cool exterior so he could find an excuse to hug his lover closely throughout the entire movie. 

*

That plan was good _in theory_.

Dan forgot just how far horror movies have come since the last time he could even afford a movie, and fuck they have made leaps and bounds. If there is one thing Dan is good at it's screaming. No, it's not a sexual thing he just has a really big mouth.

Phil laughed as he placed a comforting hand on top of Dan's. "I got you Danny, don't worry," he teased. 

Dan cut a glare over to Phil but of course Phil was focused on the screen so he didn't even see it. He then felt himself relax as Phil's finger's laced between his own. They were a perfect--"AHHHHAHAHA" Dan screamed and laughed again as he fell victim to yet another cheap jump scare, he had to admit he was having a little fun.

This wasn't the perfect dream scenario Dan had imagined, but at least this was reality. He gave a squeeze to Phil's hand and felt a blush settle across his face the moment he felt soft lips press to the top of his hand. 

"What was that for?" Dan leaned over and whispered to Phil.

"Your hands looked like they needed a kiss," Phil whispered back with a cheeky grin. 

Their faces were so close that even in the dark Dan could make out every feature of Phil's face. The swoop of his jet black fringe, the shimmer in his blue-green-golden eyes from the cinema screen, the laugh lines forming even after his smile dropped, the shadow of stubble on his upper lip, the plumpness of his beautiful pink lips, beauty mark that settled on his cheek and jaw... _everything_. In that moment he wondered what else looked like it needed a kiss. His face must be a dead give away but he already knew Phil was waiting for Dan to make the first move on this one. He cursed his mind for over-thinking and he also cursed his body for going along with whatever his mind said. He just smiled as he removed his hand from Phil's so he could put his arm around him and let him rest his head on his shoulder instead. 

"Try not to scream so close to my ear, okay?" Phil chuckled. 

"No promises mate," Dan smiled with a kiss to the top of his head. At least he had enough strength to do that.

*

Somehow Dan did keep his promise. Maybe that was because he found himself distracted with the fluttering of his heart every time he felt Phil make any small movement. He was in love; head over heels, heels over head. However you want to put it, he had it __  
**bad.** The movie had ended and the credits were rolling, but Dan found himself too content to move. Maybe this was why people had movie nights at home instead.

"Dan?" 

"Hmm?" Dan's eyes were closed now. He has peaked in comfort levels. 

"Are we going to stay here all night?" Phil asked with a chuckle, lifting himself off Dan's shoulder. The absence of warmth made Dan whine. 

"We could, in theory," Dan mumbled. 

"But I kind of want to go home. Less people, more you," Phil said as he was getting up. The lights in the cinema flickered on causing Dan to press his eyes tighter together. He wondered what Phil meant by _more you_ but he wasn't even bold enough to ask. He could sense Phil was in front of him and he felt a hand pulling him up as he resisted. 

"Ugh," Was all Dan grunted. 

"Yeah, yeah, put that on your tombstone. Come on whiny boy," Phil laughed and finally Dan gave in.

"I'm not whiny for the record," Dan tried to protest. He smiled when he felt Phil intertwining their fingers again, the way they fit together proved they were meant to be this way. 

"Okay and you aren't a scaredy cat either. Try a different lie next time." Phil was teasing him. 

"Oi, Oi! Loads of people are scared of the dark! At least I'm not scared of cheese!" Dan was laughing and his laughter turned more into a holler once he saw the look on Phil's face. 

"I'm not scared of it! I just dislike it!" 

"I saw you scream the other day when you touched cheese!" 

"It came out of nowhere, I wasn't expecting it!" Phil's voice cracked with embarrassment.

"Oh, let me guess it also said 'boo!'" Dan was full on hysterical laughing at this point at tears prickled the corner of his eyes and his sides threatened to split open.

"I didn't come on this date with you to get abused!" Phil was pouting. 

Dan loved to see that pout. He untangled their fingers and placed both of his large hands on the sides of Phil's face and pressed them together so his lips poked outwards even further. Phil looked absolutely adorable in this moment and Dan felt a flicker inside himself that wanted to ruin that innocence. 

"Come on, didn't you want to head home? Somewhere where there was less people, more _me_?" Dan asked with an overbearing amount of huskiness to his voice. What he said was no longer just suggestive, it was more of a observation of what could be and Phil's reaction to that was priceless.

"O-Oh yeah...shit," He breathed out and his eyes then widened. "I mean fuck, I mean...fluff?" Phil was stumbling over his own words, clearly flustered. The sight was adorable and brought lascivious thoughts to Dan's mind as he quirked a brow and let out a throaty chuckle. He had definitely found his biggest turn-on.

Unfortunately, here was not the proper setting. 

Dan leaned in closely, purposely letting the heat from his breath fill Phil's ear before whispering "Hey Phil? Let's go home." 

Phil was pulling Dan out the theatre by his hand in record time as his long legs were being put to good use. It was amazing how graceful Phil could be with the right motivation paired with the wrong kind of thoughts.

Nearing the exit of the cinema there was a family waiting to purchase their tickets and screams of excitement made Phil freeze in his place. 

"Mum, mum! Look it's Phil Lester! Can I go say hi mum?" A young boy looking no older than the age of six was bouncing by his mother's side. 

Phil of course had heard the excitement in the child's tone so he let go of Dan's hand and wandered over to meet the young fan halfway. Dan wasn't going to protest, he heard the genuine excitement and he knew Phil's heart was gold. He did follow after Phil however.

"Hello, what is your name?" Phil asked with his award winning smile as he got down to the boy's level.

"Daniel!" The young boy beamed. 

"Well would you look at that. You know, I quite like the name Daniel. My friend over there, that's his name too." Phil smiled, hiking his thumb over his shoulder to Dan. 

"Cool! Could I be your friend too Mister Lester!" The child Daniel cheesed. His face would split in half at this point with how wide he was smiling. 

"Of course! You can also call me Phil!" Phil said as he ruffled the brunette locks of this small Daniel. 

"You know I want to be a weatherman just like you one day! Oh and I want to be with someone as pretty as Penelope just like you as well! Where is she?! I want to meet her!" Daniel was bouncing with energy and excitement at this point. 

Phil's smile only dropped for a moment before he put it back on, "Oh! She's around! She just isn't here right now." he smiled, standing up. 

"Can you tell her hi from me then? Oh! Can I come to your wedding!" Daniel was still going on and on while Dan felt his own temper rising. He knew the child had no idea what was going on, but the least Phil could do was say something. Of course this was the chance to say anything and Dan was listening intently. 

"Yes, of course!" Phil smiled before ruffling young Daniel's hair again. 

"Kay! Gotta go now! I will see you on TV!" Daniel waved as he ran back to his mother, talking a mile a minute to her about his experience. 

Phil gave a heavy sigh as he pushed his hands through his dark hair. "Kids are a rough crowd." He said going to take Dan's hand once more only to be stopped. He looked over at Dan with a confused look.

"I can handle being called a friend to a child but really? You are still going on about _marrying_ Pen?" Dan practically hissed as they were walking out the doors. 

"I had no choice! The kid doesn't understand the concept of breakups! Plus the company..." Phil stopped his own sentence right there. 

Dan lifted his eyebrow while keeping a cold expression. "The company what, Philip." Those words came out like liquid venom.

Phil released a heavy sigh. "The company still wants us to act like a couple. They know we broke up ages ago, but they still want some loving couple to be the face of the channel. Our last company actually had us brought over to this one as a duo thanks to Elizabeth. Dan...you really don't watch our programme do you?" 

"No. I'm too busy cleaning piss." Dan rolled his eyes.

"I should have explained it sooner, it's just I didn't know we would get together so fast!" 

"Well, are you planning on telling the company then?" 

"What would I even tell them?"

Dan snorted with a bitter laugh at that response. 

"Tell them whatever you want, Lester."

With that, Dan used his long legs to stride away quickly before any protests could be made.


	22. Chapter 22

It was late spring, but what should be a beautiful night was actually rainy and chilly. It was honestly the perfect setting for the mood Dan was in anyway so he wasn't complaining. He had no rhyme or reason to where he was going, he just needed to let off steam. He felt like he may have overreacted, but had he really? He could completely understand Phil not coming out about dating a man, especially when that man was a homeless man he picked up off the street, but to hear that Phil was still putting up some front that he was with his ex-girlfriend was a lot of news for him to digest. It was so much to digest in fact that it made him feel sick to his stomach. So sick, that he felt like he was about to be sick _**NOW.**_

He ran to the nearest bin that he saw lining the city street and leaned over it as he felt everything around him spin. His mind was moving at half speed as the city hustle and bustle sounded more like a scene underwater. Dan was desperately trying to crawl out of his own mind and back to reality. He lifted his eyes and they drifted to a news paper on the pavement and what was on it was the final straw as he lost the contents of his stomach into the bin. 

_Phil and Penelope: London's finest power couple!_

Those words would haunt him.

Until now, he could have played it off and made it seem like it wasn't that big of a deal. An anxious mind makes up lies anyway so he could have tried to convince himself it was not as it seemed. It was however. Phil and Penelope really were a public couple and to guarantee success he knew they would have to sell their souls. Okay, fine, maybe he was still overreacting a little. Dan stood up straight and let the pouring rain drench him and soak him to his core. It was windy so every gust sent a sharp pain straight to his bones. It hurt, but at least he felt something. He had to go somewhere; somewhere besides _home,_ a word that was now heavy in his heart. 

Dan was spoiled now and absolutely refused to take up his former position on the pavement. That, and he knew Phil would probably look on the streets first anyway. He couldn't bare that face right now. The look of panic and worry, it would be too much for his stupid emotions to handle so Dan had to come up with an alternative: A plan that he really fucking hated.

*

"You look like a drowned rat." Penelope said flatly as she stepped aside to let Dan in.

"I feel like one. Thanks for letting me stay," Dan grumbled.

He really didn't know why he asked Penelope if he could come over but he found himself in a random bar asking to use their phone as he numbly pounded in her number. Luckily he's had to call her before for work and he has an awesome memory for numbers, all three phone numbers that he knew. 

"I was a little surprised when you called. I assumed you hated me," she laughed as she got some towels from her linen closet. 

"I never hated you Pen, I was just jealous. Thanks." He said as he took the towels graciously. 

"I was too, but look it worked out for all of us!" She laughed and then stopped when she noticed Dan was not joining in. "Or not...what's going on?" 

"Is your new partner okay with this?" Dan asked. 

"Oh yeah, totally. I just told him I was having a gay friend sleep over-"

"That's not what I meant." Dan sighed.

Penelope sighed back. "When we took this position with the company we both did have honest intentions to get back together. I was stupid for making Phil choose, but he chose so quickly that it really did piss me off. Something inside me knew however if we continued to work together, continued to put on this front, that there was a chance that we would have ended up together again. I had the station offer you a job as well because I wanted to keep an eye on you. I wanted to see what was so damn great about you that made Phil's mind buzz so much. Yes, my intentions in the beginning were to use this position on the station to get back with Phil but now it's honestly just all work. Want to know a secret Dan?"

Dan was trying to process everything else Penelope just said. He barely caught the last part of her sentence, but when his mind finally caught up he managed to answer. "Yes," he finally replied. 

"He's had something for you the moment he met you. He might not have known it, but he's been crazy about you for months now. Phil called me that night in Florida and he was crying." 

That was news to Dan. "He was?" 

"Yes, he said he had no idea why is was so scared of losing you. So you know what I said?" 

Dan blinked slowly as his eyes were now hyper-focused on Penelope. "Of course." 

"I said Philip Michael Lester, you are in love. He was absolutely speechless after I said that and there was a long silence before he finally said, _'So that's what this has been...'_ "

Penelope laughed a little before continuing. "I don't know if you noticed or not but Phil is a little bit of an idiot when it comes to feelings." 

"Oh, I've noticed." Dan finally found himself grinning a little. 

"We all have darling. Anyway, I noticed right away that love was blossoming within his heart but dammit I wasn't about to go down without a fight. That fight was short lived however once I truly saw you two together. When I would wrap my arms around him at lunch, his eyes would turn to you. When I would say anything forward to him, it was clear that his mind was focused on you. Whenever he planned anything within his mind, he was planning it with you. Phil falls hard and fast but he has no idea what that even means. Loving Phil means loving his idiocy and being patient with him. He's worth it, Dan. I'm not saying this because I am still in love with him because even though he will always own a piece of my heart, I know his now is in your hands. Treat him right."

Dan felt himself blushing as he was flabbergasted from all this news. "Okay...but what about your careers?" 

"If you can hold on a little longer, we will make this all work out. Dan, you have to give us a little trust." 

"It's hard," he admitted. 

"I know, but losing Phil over this will be much harder." 

"I know. Fine." Dan said with his arms crossing with attitude. 

"You really can be such a child sometimes Danny boy," Penelope mused. 

"S-Shut up!" 

The two then just found themselves laughing. It's funny how life and love can change the minds of two people. Maybe Dan could trust people after all, maybe everyone wasn't the same.

*

"So what are you going to do now?" Penelope asked as Dan came out of the bathroom dressed in some of Phil's old clothes that he had left behind at some point.

"Tbh, I dunno even what to do." 

"Well, you are more than welcome to spend the night here. I also told Phil you were here so he would stop the swat team he was probably getting ready to find you with." 

"Pen! I didn't want him to know!" Dan whined slightly. 

"Yeah, I know, but knowing Phil he would have wandered the streets in the pouring rain all night. Besides, I told him to give you some space." 

Dan's shoulders relaxed as he settled himself on the couch. He looked up at the ceiling for a long while before finally letting out a long exhale. "Did I overreact?" 

"Absolutely." Penelope laughed. "But, I would have done the same thing. You weren't wrong to be upset, but you definitely could have handled it much better. Coffee? Tea? Alcohol?" She asked. 

"All the above." Dan said with a small laugh. 

As Penelope went to the kitchen to prepare some drinks, Dan leaned back again. He felt a little bad now for walking off again without even giving Phil a moment to speak, but Phil did have to learn to love his temper. He had to learn all his goods, bads, and inbetweens. 

"Make it a double Pen!" He called out into the kitchen.

"You got it Howell!" 

She then returned to the lounge moments later with several glasses and mugs of various liquids. Some were alcohol based, some were just water. 

"I'm drinking with you, hope you don't mind." Penelope said as she sat beside him, bumping shoulders with him.

"Not at all," Dan said with a smile.

*

"So then Phil actually took a glass from the cabinet and put it up to the door so he could listen to the neighbours argue! Who does that?!" Dan was hollering with laughter as he went on about Phil. He was obviously drunk now and Penelope was as well as she swayed a little while she giggled.

"That's Phil for you! He will literally spy on people and bash his face against a window when they catch him! He's such a nosy man!" She added. 

"I miss him already...am I pathetic?" Dan said more seriously. 

"New love is all about missing someone Dan. And true love is missing someone even after years of being together. If you're pathetic then so is everyone else who's ever been in love. He misses you too, ya know?" 

"How do you know that?" Dan asked with a quirked brow. 

"Because he won't stop fucking texting me asking if you're still breathing. He's worried, maybe you should call him." Penelope suggested, pulling out her phone. 

Dan took it and looked down at it for a long while. The words Phil Lester and a bunch of contact information filled the screen. He could press the call button, but he found himself suddenly feeling scared.

"What do I say?" 

Penelope shrugged as she stood up and cleared everything off the table in her lounge. "Dunno. That's up to you." She said before disappearing into the kitchen. 

Dan chewed on his bottom lip. He felt nervous as a million words flooded his mind. Finally he found enough mental strength to hit that damn button. 

It only rang once before a frantic voice picked up the other line. "Penny, is he okay?" 

Silence. Dan sat there in silence as all the words in his mind leaked out. He just breathed, listening to Phil's breaths match his own. 

"Dan..." Phil broke the silence. You could hear the relief on the line. 

"Hey," Dan finally spoke up. 

"If you don't want to come back, I get it but I wanted to let you know I sent an email. Can I read it to you?" 

Dan nodded silently before realising Phil couldn't even see him. "Yeah," he finally said out loud.

Dan could hear Phil clear his throat before he began to read:  
__

_To whoever it may concern,_  
When you brought me to this station, you brought me on as a duo. You saw potential in two former lovers and I thank you for your opportunity but I have to decline it form now on. I've said time and time again that Penelope and I are no longer together, only to be ignored. It is now at a point where I am getting frustrated of everyone seeing us as something we will never be. I no longer wish to be considered part of this duo. This was my own choice so please, do not penalize Penelope for my actions. If after all of this you still wish to keep me on, I will gladly remain as your weatherman. However, if you are no longer willing to keep me alone then this email is also my notice.  
Thank you for your time,  
Philip Lester 

Once Phil finished reading his email Dan was smiling.

"You did not have to do that." Dan said.

"I know but I wanted to. I can always find another job but I can never find another you." 

Those words made Dan's heart flutter and soar as his smile only grew wider. 

"Hey Phil?" 

"Yeah?" 

"I think I'm ready to come home now."


	23. Chapter 23

_What makes a house a home?_

Those words were still ringing in the back of Dan's mind when he finally sat up. They had been in his dream and now they had slipped into his reality as he woke up alone. He had spent the night in the lounge in fear of getting Phil sick since his night in the rain caught up with his body. What does make a house a home? Dan blinked and rubbed the sleepiness out of his eyes. It was all in vain because once his body actually realised it was awake, it decided it was going to ache. Dan had a fever, his body was sore from coughing all night, his skin was clamy, and his nose was runny. He had a damn cold.

"Fu-cough,cough-ck" Dan groaned and flopped back onto the couch as he brought the heavy duvet Phil brought out to him up and over his face.

_What makes a house a home?_

When Dan woke up this time gentle fingers were brushing sweaty curls away from his forehead. 

"Oh, sorry I wasn't trying to wake you. Since you're up though would you like some soup?" Phil said retracting his hand. He looked tired and he wasn't smiling. It was clear he was worried, but Dan had no idea why since it was only a cold.

"So that's what I smell burning." Dan said quietly as his voice sounded strained. He managed to throw a weak laugh in there but got no laugh, or even a smile, in response. 

"S-Sorry, I'll make a new batch." Phil said getting up to walk back to the kitchen. 

Dan didn't even think as he reached his hand out to stop Phil. "I was kidding, it smells great." He managed to squeak out.

Phil gave a tight smile in response as he went and made a new batch altogether.

"Did you eat?" Dan asked as he took a grateful large spoonful of the soup. It was warm all the way down and soothed his sore throat. 

"I was waiting for you to wake up first." Phil said as he rubbed at the back of his neck, clearly avoiding eye contact. 

"Phil. You need to take care of yourself too." Dan managed to get out. It hurt to say, but he needed to say it. 

"Shush, rest your voice. I'll take care of myself later Dad."

Dan was not happy with that answer, but a coughing fit made him far too tired to even argue so he quietly sipped his soup and laid back down muttering a small "thanks" before closing his eyes again. 

_What makes a house a home?_  
_Is is the comfort of your own space? Does it lie within the walls?_  
_Is it the sound of laughter in the air? No matter how loud, or how small?_  


Dan woke up with Phil sitting on the floor and his chin resting on the couch. His eyes were closed and his breathing was slow, it was obvious he was finally asleep. When did Phil get there? Had he been there all night? Dan shifted a little as he coughed, only to see brilliant blue eyes fly open. 

"Are you okay?" There was worry in Phil's tone.

Dan nodded so he didn't strain his voice. He held his hand out for Phil and gave it a squeeze which finally brought a smile to Phil's worried face.

The two stayed like that for a long while. Dan was laying down and Phil was still sitting on the floor. He would tense up every time Dan coughed or sniffled and that made Dan want to laugh. "I'm fine," he whispered as his hand reached out and brushed Phil's dark hair to the side.

"I know...I'm just worried. I don't know really what to do when people are sick because my mind goes to the worst case scenarios. You know I was looking on Google and your symptoms could be a multitude of signals for a greater underlying-" 

"Phil!" Dan croaked out before coughing with a rough wheeze. "It's just a cold." He assured him with a firm hand on his shoulder.

"Just a cold," Phil mumbled back before getting up. "I'm going to go get you some more medicine. I'll be back." Phil was out the door before Dan could even muster the energy to say something else.

_Has a house ever been a home? Was love always the recipe? Why does this feel different then? A place with Evangeline was nice, but somehow this feels better. Laughter feels warmer, days feel longer in the best kind of way, and life feels brighter. It's the Phil Lester effect as Dan has grown to call it. Dan is starting to notice the difference; there is a strong one between a house and a home._

"Have you slept yet?" Dan asked as he swallowed the medicine Phil brought back. Swallowing hurt, but he knew Phil needed to watch him take something. Phil's eyes were widely focused on him and it was clear he was zoned out. "Phil," Dan tried again.

Phil snapped out of whatever he was in as he smiled. "Do you need anything else?" 

"I need you to rest," Dan croaked out. It was obvious his throat was rubbed raw and every word was agony, but he needed that message to at least be clear. 

"I am resting, I took off from work after all." Phil gave an awkward smile.

Dan had to think of a different approach, one that Phil could not say no to. "Well, then cuddle me dammit." 

Phil hesitated for only a moment before crawling into Dan's open arms. Dan could complain about the weight of Phil laying on top of him but he wouldn't because this is the most relaxed he's felt Phil be in days. "Let's sleep," Dan whispered in Phil's ear before closing his eyes.

__

_Why was Dan thinking about the importance of what made a house a home anyway? Thinking about it, he did build a home with Evangeline but as he already thought earlier this is different. Whenever he's sick his mind ventures to these areas. Maybe it's the fever, maybe it's the need for comfort. Either way, his mind likes to drift during moments and days like this. Maybe Dan is asking himself the wrong questions._

Dan woke up with the room spinning less and him sweating more. This was good though, it meant his body was doing what it was supposed to. There was a large glass of water and two tablets on the table in front of the couch with a note,

_'Eat me, drink me.'_

Dan's nose scrunched up at the thought of actually chewing on these tablets but he did appreciate the reference. He took them and this time it hurt a lot less going down. He was almost there. He could hear Phil in the shower but there was no horrible singing this time which worried Dan. Should he get up to show Phil he doesn't have to worry? Damn he could use a shower himself, he thought as he felt the stickiness from sweating out his fever. 

They were dating now so he could get up and make his way into the room with him, but that was a bit much right? They haven't even kissed properly yet. Damn maybe Dan still had a fever after all.

When Phil came out of the bathroom he nearly dropped all his towels when he saw Dan doubled over. Dan wasn't feeling sick, he just needed to feel a stretch throughout his back since he hasn't moved in a few days now. However, Philip Lester the eternal hypochondriac was running to his side in record time. 

"Dan! Can you hear me Dan! I read that if things progress like this we need to get you urgent medical-...why are you laughing?" Phil said with a deep frown. 

Dan sat up and stretched his arms over his head. "Sorry, I'm feeling better. Hey, you think you'll let me shower alone?" Dan's voice sounded less coarse and more husky as he was finally starting to gain it back. It was almost sensual.

"Do you think I could sit in with you...just to make sure nothing happens?" Phil asked with wide eyes like a puppy dog. 

Dan sighed. He knew there was no getting around this. "Okay."

 

Dan felt exposed as a thin curtain was the only thing separating Phil from seeing his most intimate bits. He was unsure if these thoughts were making his mind spin or if it was the hot water. Either way, he braced himself against the wall quietly so he didn't alert Phil who was sitting on top of the toilet seat, on his phone so he didn't have to look.

This didn't feel sexy and it definitely wasn't. Dan was glad his mind and member were in agreement for once. He tried to make this as quick as possible even though the water washing over him felt so nice. He knew too long in the shower would just make Phil worry so he hurried himself, dropping the bottle of shampoo in the process. "Ah Fuc-PHIL STOP I AM FINE!" Dan screeched as Phil's hand was reaching to pull the curtain back.

Phil instantly removed his hand leaving the curtain completely in tact.

Dan turned off the water and grabbed for his towel and wrapped it around him before pulling back the curtain to see the guilty face of Phil. He looked like a child who had just been yelled at and it was adorable to say the least. 

"S-Sorry...I just thought something happened. I didn't even think, I just reacted." Phil said sheepishly. 

Dan laughed as he stepped out, reaching his free hand out to stroke Phil's cheek. "I know. Don't worry though. I feel much better now." He assured Phil and he wasn't even lying. That shower cleared his sinuses and his mind.

When Dan was feeling fresh and clean he felt good enough to join Phil in his bed...no, _**their**_ bed.

Phil was wrapped around his body and pulling him close as his breathing was finally at a pace that was finally resting. Dan felt comfort and love. He also felt like he should get sick more often because these last few days have been kind of the best. He's been spoiled, cuddled, and everything else comforting in this world. However, he knew it would be selfish to continue to make Phil worry so much.

Dan turned so he was facing Phil and just watched him sleep. This was weird right? Well, I guess Dan was okay with being weird. His lips almost ached to connect themselves with Phil's and he almost did it...almost. Instead he leaned up enough to kiss his nose instead. This will do... _for now._

Dan closed his eyes and wondered what kind of thoughts a clear, fever-free mind will bring.

_What makes a house home isn't the physical things, because no house is a home just because it has stuff._ _What makes a house a home is the intimacy of late nights where two become one. Even then, that isn't a home that is just a start. To finish everything else you need to ask yourself the right question. Instead of what makes a house a home, you need to be asking:_

  
What is the difference between a home and forever home?


	24. Chapter 24

"CHOO!"

"Get away from me!" Phil screeched as Dan was stalking towards him with open arms. 

"But I just want a hu-ug!" Dan whined. "CHOO!" He sneezed again with another grand sneeze. His cold may be done with but the dust from cleaning the flat was definitely bringing back his sniffles. 

"You will sneeze on me again! I didn't sign up for this!" 

"Technically you did mate," Dan smirked as he backed Phil all the way to the edge of the couch where he ended up falling over. 

Phil was looking up at Dan with eyes that screamed he was the prey in this situation and Dan...Dan was the starving carnivore looking for his next meal. 

"Hello," Dan smirked ad he leaned down, trapping Phil on both sides between his arms. 

Phil gripped both of Dan's wrists tightly, making his knuckles go white from the pressure. "Come on Dan, quit playing around. We have work to do..." Phil's voice was quiet, almost like he was encouraging this without really saying it. It was like a game.

"I think we can take a break. In fact I think now is a perfect time for a break..." Dan was leaning forward, closing the gap between them. "CHOO!"

Phil squeaked in response and found the strength to push Dan off him and onto the floor. "Get back to work!" 

Dan just laughed as he got back up and grabbed his bottle of cleaner and rag.

*

It's been a long running joke for a month now where Dan will almost kiss Phil but something always ruins the moment. Sometimes it is a joke, sometimes it's just a cruel chance of fate. Either way, Dan is still in no rush because he does want everything to be perfect. Maybe he is hyping this up too much. What if it isn't everything he's expected it to be? On the flip-side, what if it's everything he's been waiting for and more. He's over thinking again, but at least he is already cleaning.

"I've been meaning to ask you, did you ever respond to the station's invitation for their annual thingy?" Phil asked. 

"No Phil, I didn't respond to their annual _thingy_ because 1. I have no idea what a thingy is and 2. I probably can't even afford it." Dan said absentmindedly as he continued working on the same spot of grime. Dammit, who let this place get so dirty?

"Of course you can because now you are my date and I will not let my date touch his bank account," Phil cheesed. When he got no response, he took the rag out of Dan's hand forcing him to focus. "Daniel, I am asking you on a date to a fancy party and all you are doing is scrubbing grime out the crevices of our flat." 

Dan was quiet. He hated feeling like Phil needed to do these things for him. He even avoided eye contact once Phil was in his personal space.

"Dan come on don't make me go alone and dateless. I want you there. Besides all we have to do is show up, steal some food, and leave. I get to also see you in a suit..." Phil was trying. He really was.

Dan sighed. "Okay, fine, whatever." He said with a bite of attitude but there was a smile stretched across his face.

Dan would be lying if he said the thought of this didn't excite him. Getting dressed up? Seeing his boyfriend dressed up? Eating fancy food? Count him the fuck in. A thought buzzed in the back of his mind; a thought that was barely there, but it was forming. It was the thought that maybe, just maybe, this could also be his moment.

He could see it now: somewhere on an outside balcony of whatever boujee hall the station booked overlooking the clear night of early summer as the perfectly temped winds breezed through their hair. Phil would have a slight drunk flush and Dan would be matching the same look as they stupidly dance in each other's arms to nothing in particular. Maybe they would still be able to hear whatever classical music is still ringing throughout the halls, maybe they wouldn't. It wouldn't matter though because all they would need is each other and that moment. The kiss it could be soft and fleeting at first, almost like that time in Florida, or maybe it will be aggressive. Maybe every pent up, teasing, moment will come crashing upon them and replace their blood streams with bolts of lightning. It could be sweet or it could be libidinous. No matter what, it would be worth it. Or maybe...it won't happen at all. Only time would be able to tell.

*

"Dan are you ready? The car is here to take us to the-...holy shit." Phil whispered under his breath.

Dan stepped out the room dressed to the nines in a slim-fit black suit. The shirt underneath was black and white, decorated with lacy skulls and it looked good. Dan even saw Phil's Adam's apple bop as he swallowed hard. Dan's hair was even textured nicely and voluptuous in all the right ways thanks to this new found world of hair products. Dan had a feeling if they didn't have a commitment, his hair might already be messed up. 

"Well at least I look like holy shit," Dan smirked as he adjusted his jacket sleeve. "You don't look half bad yourself Mister Lester. Come on, let's go." Dan said smoothly as he walked past Phil, bumping his shoulder on the way out towards the door.

*

Why is any event hosted by rich old people so boring? Dan felt out of place but at least he felt like he belonged somewhere when he was next to Phil. Phil looked mature with his quiffed up hair and thick rimmed glasses. He almost looked like a Dad--it's a good thing Dan has all the perfect ingredients for Daddy issues. Dan smirked to himself a little as he took Phil's hand and leaned in to whisper, "Can I have this dance?"

Phil pulled back with wide eyes and a blush across his face. He lifted his hand for another champagne, downed it, and finally responded "always."

This was amusing to Dan. He loved seeing Phil so flustered because something about that look sent every one of his senses into overdrive. His brain might even be short circuiting every time a look of innocence is immediately chased with a lewd thought. Tonight could very well be a long night indeed.

Dan pulled Phil closely to him as he lead. Dan was taller, only slightly, but still he knew what roll he needed to take. Phil didn't seem to mind, his mind actually seemed to be completely barren as he was numbly lead around to slow sounds of classical music. 

"You know, I actually love this kind of music," Dan leaned in and whispered.

Phil pulled back with an amused expression. "Really? I guess there are still things I don't know about you. Is that the reason you play piano?" he asked as he pressed his cheek against Dan's so they could easily talk to each other. 

"Kind of, I didn't start playing Piano until I was much older. Music was my fist love, I know I already told you that." 

"I know, I was a little bit in a daze that day though. Florida right? On our first date, you said it." 

"So you were listening," Dan chuckled in Phil's ear. He felt Phil's grip tighten on his shoulder when his breath surely his Phil's ear.

"It's a shame that I can't compete with such an immortal love such as music."

"Who said you haven't already won?" Dan pulled back a little as his eyes met sparkling blue ones. He saw a twinkle in those eyes and he could get lost in them all night long--perhaps even longer.

There was nothing but the pounding of their hearts and the feint sound of music in the air after that. Neither of them knew what to say or do so they just continued to sway. Everything was calm and quiet. 

"Phil! Can I borrow your boyfriend? I can? Great! Thanks Philly!" Penelope was pulling Dan away with surprising strength before either of them could even properly react or respond. She was dragging Dan further and further away until finally, they were alone in a corridor. 

"I might not be fully gay, but I am not doing this." Dan said as he finally had his wrist freed from the grasps of Penelope.

"Hush you. You don't even know what I am doing. Anyway can I ask you a favour?" Penelope asked batting her long eye lashes. She went with darker, more dramatic makeup for this event and Dan had to admit it did look stunning. Her dress was black, sparkly, and floor length as is hugged nicely against the soft curves of her body. 

"Fine," Dan sighed. 

"So...can you pretend to by my boyfriend? Just for like an hour?" 

Dan sputtered. "Excuse me?"

"Okay, so, let me explain. My boyfriend couldn't make it today because he had some family bullshit yada yada. Anyway, because of that there's this really really _really_ creepy old man who's had his eyes on me the entire night. He keeps asking where my boyfriend is and he keeps going to grab my hand and dammit did I mention he was creepy? Dan please just do me this favour and I swear I will forever be in your debt." Penelope asked with her hands laced together in pleading.

"Fine, but you owe me nothing. In fact, if I do this then I owe you nothing for that night you let me stay. Deal?" 

"Deal!" Penelope beamed.

*

"I never knew you could dance Howell," Penelope laughed as she rested her head on Dan's shoulder.

"There's a lot of things you don't know about me I guess." Dan was smooth as he glided his down the small of her back.

"Oi, paws off!" She screeched. 

"Sorry, It's just that's where a hand is supposed to go when dancing with a woman! Believe me I am not trying to cop a feel." Dan laughed as he moved his hand up enough so it wasn't threatening the border between her back and rump.

"Whatever, I've got my eyes on you Howell." She pulled back and glared before replacing her head from the spot it came from. 

"Why didn't you ask Phil to do this? Surly you would be a more convincing couple," Dan asked as he gently dipped Penelope backwards. She had hair extensions in and they brushed the floor as she then gracefully came back up with a small laugh. 

"Well now I have two reasons, 1. I didn't want to hurt you 2. Phil Lester could never pull off a dance move like that." 

"Hurt me? How?" Dan asked with a curious brow. 

"I know you have a little bit of trust in me now, but still it felt more fair to ask you. Besides, I think most people know about Phil and I anyway. Hey, I think that guy is done creeping on me. I think it's about time I get you back to Philly." She said finally breaking away from Dan.

"But we were having such a lovely time Pen, I was just about to ask you to run away and marry me." Dan said sarcastically with a smirk. 

Penelope snorted with a laugh. "I'm flattered but I think there's someone you look better with." She said leading him back to Phil who was standing by the fancy rich people food. "Figures you'd be here. Thanks for letting me borrow your husband. Don't worry, I dry cleaned him and everything." She said before passing Dan's hand over to Phil's.

Phil just blushed and laughed a little awkwardly as he waved Penelope away.

"Well, tonight definitely took an unexpected turn. Never in my life did I think the image of my current and former lover dancing would bring me happiness, but here I am. Thanks for whatever you had to go through, it means a lot." Phil said with a smile. 

Dan felt his heart skip a beat. He felt like he needed to do something, he just didn't know what. Maybe some fresh air would clear his mind. 

It seemed like Phil had the same idea. "Care to join me outside?" He asked.

Dan smirked as he lifted Phil's hand up to his lips before whispering "With you, I could go anywhere—even if our destination was Hell."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I can't believe I hit 1,000 reads! When I started this I never thought I would get more than 1 read but look what ya'll showed me! I wish I could hug everyone who reads this or give them a giant slice of cake! (If you don't like cake imagine any food you like then!) I just wanted to say thank you all so much for making me so happy by reading this mishmosh I call A Change In The Weather! <3 :D


	25. Chapter 25

_With you, I could go anywhere—even if our destination was Hell._

What is hell exactly? It has been debated over the years, across many books, and spread by many mouths. It is a figure of speech, it is an imaginary world, and it is a place on earth. Hell is all about perspective; much like Heaven, which can also be found on earth if you look hard enough.

What is Heaven exactly? It's the polar opposite of Hell in every aspect but really, there is a fine line between Heaven and Hell. 

Heaven is a first kiss; Hell is a kiss goodbye. 

Heaven is holding a hand of a loved one; Hell is feeling that same hand go cold. 

Heaven is a good memory; Hell is that same memory, just gone sour.

**Six years ago**

"It's summer! Can you feel the change of the season? There is still nothing to do in this small, boring town, but at least it's nice out!" Evangeline stretched her arms over her head and sighed contently. "Whatcha think Danny? This spot?" She asked making her way beneath a tree in the centre of a surprisingly empty park on such a lovely day.

"Uh, yeah, sure." Dan was nervous. He was fidgeting with the picnic basket Evangeline forced into his hands. He decided today was finally going to be the day, he was finally going to kiss his girlfriend. 

He had this all planned out. He was going to eat lunch with her then take her on a romantic walk and find the most scenic place to finally press his lips against hers. This was a good plan.

Evangeline was wearing a yellow sun dress with dainty white daises speckling the fabric. Her long blonde hair was swaying in the summer breeze and she looked breath taking. Her skin was sun-kissed but still fair as freckles were scarcely spread across random patches of silky smooth skin. Dan felt his heart skip a beat as he took in the view of someone he called _his._

"Are you even listening?" Evangeline pouted. 

Dan finally looked up from the patch of grass he was fixated on as he swallowed the thick lump in his throat. He was in such a daze he didn't even remember sitting down.

"No," He admitted shamefully.

"I asked if you think we should just runaway from this town? We are both eighteen now so why not? I was thinking London!" Evangeline was smiling brightly and Dan could not resist the urge to smile back even though he hated the idea. 

"What's London have besides Pigeons and Diseases anyway?" He asked with a smirk still lifting a corner of his lips. He was nervous, so nervous that his lip might just be twitching.

"Well, if we go there it would have You and I." 

"Eva, you need to think things through more thoroughly sometimes. We can't just leave. You have your family here and I have...." Dan stopped himself. He didn't really have anything here. "Anyway, you need to be focusing on other things right now. We can talk about London another day, maybe when we are a little older." Dan mumbled. There was still a fresh bracelet on Evangeline's wrist from her most recent discharge. She liked to keep any hospital bracelet on for at least a week, she claimed it helped her but really it just was a painful reminder for them both.

"You're no fun," Evangeline mumbled back pulling her wrist behind her back so it was no longer in view. "Well, I guess we can talk about it next spring then. We will start over when the flowers do." She smiled, looking down as she tucked a long strip of blonde hair behind her ear. If Dan had a camera, he would have captured that moment. Instead he decided to store that image in the hard drive of his mind.

"Are you up for a walk?" Dan asked, already standing up and holding his hand out for Evangeline.

"Where are you taking me?" Evangeline giggled as she intertwined their fingers. 

"Hell," Dan said with a serious tone but a smirk on his face. 

"Well, I am glad you say that because with you, I could go anywhere—even if our destination was Hell." She said back smoothly with a smirk of her own. 

Those words made Dan's heart skip a beat. They would continue to ring throughout his mind for the majority of their walk.

"Why don't we stop here?" Evangeline asked settling down on a grassy hill. It wasn't overlooking anything in particular, but it was still a lovely view. Maybe the view was only lovely because Dan was focusing on one thing, one person. 

Dan sat down next to her and awkwardly placed his hands in his lap. His heart was pounding; he could feel it, he could hear it. Everything was moving so slowly and God dammit why was everything so loud?

Dan must have been deep inside his head because he didn't even notice Evangeline leaning in and pressing her lips against his.

Once his brain connected, it immediately went numb again. His mind was only buzzing with the tingling sensation of soft lips pressed against his own slightly chapped ones. His eyes were wide from shock but after only a moment he inhaled through his nose and closed his eyes allowing himself to chase after and sink deeper into this feeling as he finally found the power to kiss back. His lips gently separated and he nearly gasped once he felt something warm and foreign slip inside his mouth. Her tongue. She was really this bold? Dan wasn't complaining because that motion lit every fibre of his being on fire. He was on fire. Maybe not literally, but in every other sense: Dan is on fire.

He let himself sink deeper, deeper, deeper. He only thought of Evangeline and the feeling of everything inside him igniting. Once she pulled back, once the fire was doused, he could only find himself smiling. 

"What was that for?" He asked with a shaky breath. Maybe the fire wasn't fully extinguished after all.

Evangeline just shrugged. "You looked like you needed a kiss."

*

What made that moment so great was the fact he didn't even have to think about it. He had allowed himself to over think day in and day out to the point it was driving him insane. Funny enough, that's exactly the state he's allowed himself to fall into with Phil now, in the present.

The two have been sitting outside on edge of a fountain in the garden of the hall for a while now. Neither of them has been saying anything and it was definitely not the most comfortable situation. 

When Dan had agreed to come outside he thought he would boost of courage but in reality he was still a coward. Something needed to be said to break this tension, but Dan had absolutely no words because the only thing on his mind is seeking after that familiar heat of a kiss. Maybe it was wrong to think about this...maybe it was not even on Phil's mind. 

Dan sighed. 

"Can I ask you something?" Phil asked immediately after hearing the heavy breath of Dan. 

"Anything," Dan replied almost numbly. 

"Why did you say you would go to Hell with me? I mean isn't that a little extreme? Surly we can remain here, side by side."

Dan was laughing. Of course that's what Phil was fixating on. It was just a stupid saying, but here Phil was questioning it like it had a deeper meaning. Well, maybe it did.

*

"Are you sleeping?" Evangeline's voice was quiet almost like she wasn't trying to wake Dan if he really was.

"No," Dan said opening one eye. The sun was still bright and it was getting to be a little hot, but it all was a reminder that he was still in reality.

"Good. I wanted to ask you something."

"Ask away," Dan said lazily as he rested his hands behind his head. 

"Was that your first kiss?" Evangeline asked as she sat up. She was looking down at Dan, almost like she was waiting for his face to give away his answer. 

"Yes." He replied immediately, remaining unmoved.

"Good. Mine too. It might be selfish but I wanted you to be my first kiss and my last." She said with a smile. 

"Well, that is easy enough to make happen. Can I ask you something?" Dan asked now sitting up. 

"Anything." 

"Would you really go to Hell with me? I mean that seems a little extreme. Surly we can remain here, side by side."

Evangeline was laughing. "Love, haven't you ever heard of a hyperbole?"

"It's not meant to be taken seriously then, got it." Dan mumbled almost like he was disappointed. 

Evangeline laughed again as she took Dan's hand in hers and snuggled it to her cheek. "Well, maybe if there was a Hell I would follow you there. For now, let's just stay here. I actually learned that saying from a movie. A guy was saying it to his girl and for some reason it just has always stuck in my head. I don't think he meant he would actually go to hell with her, he meant that he would follow her anywhere. That's exactly what I would do with you." 

Dan pulled her hand to his lips and kissed every knuckle. "In that case; With you, I could go anywhere—even if our destination was Hell. But let's start with London."

*

"What is Hell exactly?" Dan asked.

"I guess it's somewhere that you don't want to be." 

"Then anywhere could be Hell, technically. I never want to go anywhere." Dan chuckled quietly.

"Is this Hell?" Phil asked, turning towards Dan. 

"There's a fine line between Heaven and Hell. Parts of this place...rather parts of my mind right now are Hell." Dan said looking down. 

"Well, would you take me to those spots in your mind?" 

"No," Dan said immediately. 

Phil laughed a little as he leaned back the slightest bit on his hands. "Then you really wouldn't go anywhere with me." 

"That's not what I meant." Dan said and Phil's eyebrow was raised in question.

"What do you mean-"

Finally, Dan found it. He found his moment. He found a place to escape to. He pressed his lips against Phil's and felt his heart flip over a million times when he felt Phil's response. It wasn't soft and fleeting, it wasn't aggressive and needy, instead it was just right. Phil's lips felt like pure silk and fit perfectly between Dan's. Every feeling of this moment was right and instead of a fire Dan felt calm. He felt every one of his anxieties disintegrate into oblivion as his hand reached up to cup Phil's stubbled jaw. He continued to chase after this sensation of relief; there was no alarm, there was no panic, Dan is not on fire.

Once their lips separated their foreheads pressed together and they just smiled, quietly breathing the same air as each other. Both of them had their hands on each other's faces and everything felt right. This moment was definitely Heaven. 

"Phil, I don't want to take you to Hell with me. I want to go everywhere with you but when it comes to my mind, my personal Hell, I want you to become my Heaven." Dan leaned in again and stole another slice of Heaven.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am just throwing this out there, but I think this is probably my favourite chapter that I have written. I hope you all loved it as much as I loved writing it.


	26. Chapter 26

When Dan pulled back he found himself drowning in the depths of Phil's large blue eyes. He could feel himself sinking, he could feel every breath becoming progressively harder to come by, and he could feel his stomach flipping over in the best kind of way. 

Somewhere within those oceanic eyes, there was a dark storm brewing and Dan wanted to take that storm on full force.

He's felt this excitement before, he's felt this heat, and now it was time to chase it. It couldn't be chased here however. 

Dan leaned in and stole one more taste of Phil's lips before whispering in his ear "Shall we take this somewhere else? Home perhaps?" His voice was deep, deeper than he anticipated. Phil's response however was even more unexpected. 

Dan was pulling back to await Phil's response when he felt himself being yanked back by his tie as lips crashed against his own. The movements were desperate, pleading, and so fucking sexy. A deep growl formed in the back of Dan's throat wishing to come out but instead it festered, surly to sound later on.

"We are going now." Phil husked the command into Dan's ear. His breath was hot and lingering as it ignited a spark within Dan and spread chills throughout his entire body. This drive home would be the longest ride of his life. 

Taxi driver's have seen everything right? They've delivered babies--they've seen babies being made. Something like two men making out in the back seat shouldn't faze a driver, right? Correct.

Dan was leaning into Phil's heavy kiss as tongues slipped between parted lips and battled for dominance. However, Dan gave in the moment he felt a large, firm, but gentle hand give his upper thigh a squeeze. He wasn't trying to give in but that touch made his mind go completely numb to the point he moaned against Phil's mouth, completely disappearing into that moment and forgetting how they were really just making out so closely to a stranger.

Dan inhaled sharply through his nose feeling that same hand slowly inching upwards and closer to the area that was growing tighter under his pants. He knew he should stop him, but he was so caught up he bit down on Phil's plumped lip once he felt a finger brush over the stiffened area overtop of his clothing. 

This was sinful. This was sin. What was even more damn sinful was the noise that came from the depths of Phil's throat once he felt the sharp pain from Dan's teeth against his bottom lip. That noise will literally haunt Dan until the day he dies because that noise sent every cell of his body on _fire_. He never knew how turned on a singular noise could make him until he felt the pain and ache between his legs in that moment. Damn, he really wished he could ride Phil's cock into oblivion during that moment. But alas, the taxi finally came to a stop in front of their complex.

The two were forced to part at their stop as they paid the driver and made quick movements to the building with intent. Every quick stride was a stride closer to giving into every primal desire coursing through their veins in that moment.

They made it in front of their door before a spark of horny energy made Dan force Phil against their door with a slam. The gasp that elicited from Phil's lips just made Dan's stomach flip as he felt all his blood flow straight to his groin. He wanted Phil. He wanted literally-every-inch of Phil inside him. Inside his mouth and inside _him._ They should start slow though, right? Fuck. Fuck that. In this moment Dan just wants to see where this night takes him.

Phil was fumbling with the keys trying to get the door open with his back against the door and Dan's lips sucking marks into his neck. The sounds Phil was making were so damn lascivious and only grew even filthier the moment Dan's teeth bit down into his silky smooth flesh. 

"Daniel," Phil hissed in a warning tone.

Dan ignored the sound of Phil's deep voice as he made a lewd lick up the exposed bit of Phil's neck up to his ear lobe and gave it a small nip. 

Immediately after, Phil finally got that damn door open and nearly threw Dan inside and towards the bedroom.

Ties were being undone and thrown to the floor as desperate hands were taking off suit jackets and working their way down the buttons of undershirts. Hands were going everywhere as Clothes were flying and everything in their path was being knocked into between heavy kisses and rough shoves down the corridor. They both needed something. Both of them wanted something.

Dan was shoved up against the wall right next to the bedroom. He was left in only his suit pants and whatever other thin fabric covered his throbbing cock. He could feel Phil's fingers slowly tracing over the goosebumps spread throughout his skin. The touch was slow and painful as every inch lower was an inch closer to what he really wanted to be touched—no, needed to be touched.

"P-Phil," Dan whined. He didn't want to whine and seem as desperate as he was but the whine pushed itself through anyway. 

Phil was leaning in enough so his mouth was ghosting over Dan's. His breath was hot and smelled like the expensive liquor he's been drinking all night. It was pungent, but not terrible. In fact, it was kind of delightful. It was a reminder that neither of them were in control of their hands, minds, or any other appendage in this moment. They were both completely at will to their instincts.

"Dan," Phil husked. Dan had no idea how low Phil's voice could go but tonight he was discovering the true depths of his voice as the bass of his low octaves pulsed through his mind and body. He could literally feel it vibrating and buzzing his senses.

Dan felt frozen as his mind melted into a libidinous mush. His mind was flooded with sexual desires and was in hyper drive. Every moment was painful and dragged out as he felt Phil's gentle lips press their way down his neck. Phil's tongue went flat against Dan's collar bone before he licked into the well left from Dan's shoulders moving forward by instinct to chase after more sensation-more pressure. He should have been more careful for what he wished for within his mind because not even a moment later sharp teeth were nipping at the skin surrounding his clavicle.

That pain, it was so sweet that it made him finally release the loud moan he's been hiding within the barrier of his throat. Finally, Dan didn't have to be quiet. Finally, he could let Phil _hear_ how much he wants him.

How did they even get here? Dan remembers a sweet moment quickly being replaced with _this_. This was crazy, this was fast, but this was also a long time coming. Dan thought about all the dreams he had about Phil. Pressed up against a wall, just like this. He might even still be dreaming. 

Another sharp bite, but this time to his nipple, brought him straight back down to earth. This was not a dream, this was reality. Dan's mind might be numb, but his senses sure as hell were not.

"Fuck." Dan hissed in pleasure as his hands pushed their way into Phil's hair, gripping at the ginger roots. He pulled him up because this was not fair. He wanted Phil to feel something too.

They were face to face, heavily huffing into each other's faces as sparks continues to burst between them. Phil's eyes screamed what he was yearning for and Dan was sure his face also matched that look. Dan pulled Phil back to him as his kiss was even more hungry than before.

Phil was matching Dan's passion as his tongue was greedily taking in every flavour from the inside of Dan's mouth. Phil even did something better as he then sucked Dan's tongue.

Fuck. That feeling literally made Dan's eyes fly open. He's never felt a surge of energy like this before--he's never craved anything as much as this before.

Dan forcefully shoved Phil away from him, causing him to slam against the opposing wall of the hallway they were still in. The hiss of sweet pain from Phil's throat paired with the look of absolute lust literally broke Dan as he was no longer in control of anything he was doing anymore.

There were two articles of clothing in the way. Only two articles of clothing that separated Dan from what he wanted. 

They were now in the space across from the bedroom but it was obvious at this point that they would never actually make it in there. They were both too swollen at this point and they were both far too fucking horny.

Dan got on his knees as his hands eagerly worked the remaining fabrics off of Phil. Once Phil was finally free Dan couldn't help but stare. 

His eyes went wide and he sucked in a sharp breath chased by a shuttering exhale as he analyzed every thick inch of what made Phil- _ **Phil.**_

He could not wait any more. He was starving and he needed a taste.

His hand wrapped around the thick base of Phil's cock and Dan squeezed just for good measure to make sure Phil was really as hard as he could be. 

"Fuck." Phil hissed out. That curse was sweet as honey as it drizzled down to Dan's body and sent yet another surge of lightning throughout his mind and body.

Dan gave a twist of his wrist as his mouth ghosted over the weeping head before finally going in for a taste. 

_sweet and salty_. The perfect combination.

It was the taste Dan has been dreaming of and hoping for as his tongue was gliding along every pulsing inch. The skin was warm, but not searing. It was the perfect temperature and Dan's taste buds craved even more of the flavour of Phil. 

Dan pulled back enough to lick his lips before finally engulfing the cock with a suck.

Dan chuckled when he heard a fist hit the wall. He knew Phil's senses were in overdrive as he continued to tease the sensitive appendage with his tongue and the slightest hint of teeth scraping upwards for the perfect combination of pleasure and pain.

"Absolutely sinful." Phil hissed from above. His voice was breathy and deep as a grunt immediately surfaced after those words when Dan's hand twisted harshly as he sucked the newly forming pre-cum.

Dan couldn't help it. Dan absolutely could not get enough of the taste of Phil. It was exotic and foreign and _damn_ was it delicious. He never knew how insatiable he was for this taste until he finally had it and all he wanted was **more**.

He took Phil deeper into his mouth ignoring every gag reflex trying to push it back out. He needed more and he would force more until tears pricked his eyes. He really has never felt a need like this before. Every taste bud wanted to be graced with this tang and Dan would in no way, shape, or form continue to deny himself this luxury.

He continued to tug and suck at the cock, relishing in the sounds from above. He was so caught up in this moment he forgot about his own twitching phallus.

He had forgotten about it until Phil reminded him that is.

"Touch yourself for me." Phil murmured. Dan felt his cock twitch at that deep voiced command. He felt his stomach completely flip over as he found his free hand listening like he didn't even have a choice.

When Dan felt his own hand wrap around his own base there was a bolt of pure electricity. Sparks were literally flying as every sense of his body was alive. His thumb rubbed over the weeping head of his cock and he hissed as it damn near set his insides on fire. This heat forming in his stomach was too soon and far too hot.

He needed to focus on something else. He needed to keep his mind and mouth busy. He went down, taking in as much as Phil as he could handle as his own hand was squeezing, pulling, and twisting both of their members at the same time—in perfect synchrony.

Dan found his throat pushing a moan up Phil's shaft as the vibrations were surely buzzing Phil's cock and sending sensations all throughout his body. Dan could feel the pulsing becoming stronger, he could taste more of Phil as time was going on. 

This was becoming too much. Dan's entire body was numb but also on fire as he felt everything. He felt Phil begin to thrust into his mouth. He was bound to be chasing after his release. There was something so damn erotic about getting your face fucked as your own hand works to undo and release everything building up from within. This was so-fucking-sinful.

Movements became faster, heat became hotter, everything was tightening and throbbing in a way that screamed this moment was truly the beginning of the end.

Dan found his mouth opening just a little wider so he could feel hot liquids drizzle down the back of his throat. He welcomed every sticky string with eagerness and appreciation as his own hand was coated from his own release.

Dan pulled back only to go back in to make sure he sucked out every ounce he could.

"Fucking filthy." Phil hissed feeling his soul being sucked out with it. 

They were both out of breath and a mess when Dan finally stood up to meet Phil at eye level. 

Both of them took a moment to just take in the reality of what just happened. Dan was convinced it was still a dream until he felt his hand become cold as his cum cooled down. 

"We made a mess," Dan finally laughed.

"Yes, we did. I would say we should now maybe actually make our way to the bedroom, but something tells me neither of us will be able to handle that." 

"How insightful, Lester." Dan said leaning his head against Phil's shoulder. He should shower, but he felt far too tired. 

Phil began to gently pet through Dan's wavy locks with a chuckle. "Let's postpone that then for another day." 

"Rain check?" Dan asked with a voice was laced with sleep. 

"Rain check."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this took so long! I've been busy, but I hope the smut makes up for it! :D


	27. Chapter 27

"Why don't you like birthdays?" Phil asked for what felt like the millionth time. 

"Just don't." Dan tried to shrug off his indifference but he knew that would never be a good enough answer. Oh no, not for Phil Lester. 

"But what if you let me handle everything this year when it comes to celebrating! Come on Dan, I want to do something for you! I mean, I did something even for Penelope this year for her birthday, remember?" 

Of course Dan remembered. He remembered everything about that night and could recall it all in horribly vivid detail. He could even admit it still hurt him a little, but without that night he wouldn't be where he is today. 

"Yeah, I remember. Just because you did something for her though that doesn't mean you have to do something for me," Dan mumbled as he tried to shrink away enough so that Phil could no longer look him in the eyes. They were in bed together and it was the eve of Dan's birthday, but Dan was not in the mood to celebrate at all. 

"But I want to. I want to celebrate my birthday boy." 

_My birthday boy_

A smile flashed into Dan's mind and caused a stab of pain directly to his heart. He's heard those words before but his mind won't allow him to drift to those depths. Not right now at least.

"Phil, please let it go," Dan sighed as he turned away. He felt Phil's chest against his back as he let himself slip into the warmth of the embrace. It felt nice, it really did. All Dan wanted for his birthday was to remain like this forever.

"I will not. Not until you say I can spoil you." Phil whispered into Dan's ear and shivers spread throughout his entire body. Phil knew exactly what he was doing.

"Can we just stay at home like this? I just...that's all I want. I haven't had a normal birthday in years so can I have one this year?" Dan pleaded. 

"Why don't you like birthdays?" Phil asked again, disregarding everything else that was said. 

Dan didn't like birthdays because it was just a reminder to him that everyone celebrates your life only until you die. His morbid mindset was too much sometimes. 

_My birthday boy._

Dan's brain pulsed at those words that were still resonating throughout his mind. His mother. Birthdays reminded him of her. Her and Evangeline and everyone else who has loved him and left him and it just hurt. He pieced it together and realised he didn't want to celebrate at all. 

"Phil, I just want you tomorrow. That's all. Please, let me have that." Dan whispered into the night air as he slotted his finger's with Phil's.

Dan felt a kiss to his temple. "I'll see what I can do," Phil mumbled against his hair.

*

Of course Phil would never agree to just doing nothing. Why did Dan think otherwise? When Dan woke up he was honestly disappointed to feel only air next to him. There was no warm body next to him and today was already off to a bad start.

Why doesn't Phil ever listen. Why could he not just do nothing for fucks sake. 

He saw a poorly wrapped package and at least that made him smile. What has Phil gone and bought for him now? He opened it to find a cell phone. A nice one that was obviously brand new. Dan carefully picked up the mobile device and clicked the button on the side to already see a text from 'Philly' as Phil put it in his phone.

_**Philly: Good morning Birthday boy! :D I hope you found your first present! If not, this would be really awkward lol. Anyway, I wanted to make today about you so I set some things up all around to lead you back to me! It's not a scavenger hunt per se, it's more like a guided tour of activities! Let's start off with getting you fresh and clean! Text me back once you are done! Love you xx** _

Dan rolled his eyes before sending a simple text back. 

_**Dan: why?** _

Dan threw the phone off to the side only to feel it buzz almost immediately after. 

_**Philly: Because of love.** _

****

****

Dan could scream. That response was so Phil and so wholesome but this is exactly the opposite of what he wanted. He didn't want to be alone, he didn't want to be apart from Phil at all today. All he wanted was Phil. Dan had no choice but to play along at this point though as he stomped on the rose pedals leading to the bath. 

_Lavender_. That scent seemed to always follow him and comfort him much like the presence of Phil. Dan filled the tub before dropping in the Lavender scented bath Fizzy and he then sank into its light aroma.

 _What's so special about birthdays anyway? Why do people always feel the need to call me their birthday boy? I wonder if my mum and if Evangeline still celebrate it? No, they can't they are gone._

Dan's mind was a whirlwind of jumbled thoughts pulling him through memory and memory. It all kind of hurt a little with a familiar pang to his heart. 

_How am I worth celebrating if I am just left alone?_

That thought forced it's way into Dan's frontal lobe and screamed over and over until finally he had enough. He had to get out and focus on something else.

Sitting on the bed only in a towel Dan reached for his phone. 

**_Dan: what now romeo_**

**_Philly: I left something new for you to wear in the lounge! Go put it on and meet Penelope at this address to get further instructions! Love you xx :D_ **

An address came through immediately after as Dan rolled his eyes. He and Penelope were on good terms now and he would even dare to say they are friends, but she was honestly not the person he wanted to be with today. Whatever, at least he was meeting her somewhere with alcohol. 

Dan gathered up his phone and went to the lounge to find an all black outfit. Dan smiled a bit out of sheer fondness for his boyfriend who knew him well enough to know he wants to dress like a walking funeral everyday, even on his birthday that happened to fall on a hot day in June.

*

"Happy birthday." Penelope's tone was slightly flat as she already had a drink in hand and one on the counter for Dan.

"Thanks. How did you get dragged into this anyway?" Dan asked as he took a large sip from his drink.

"I just wanted to help a friend out, I guess. Besides, you technically did the same for me," Penelope shrugged. "You don't seem to happy though, what's wrong?" 

Dan finished his first drink and lifted his hand for another. "Dunno. I've just never been good at birthdays. When I was a kid my mum would always make such a fuss of this day until she passed. Once she was gone, my girlfriend took over until she passed. I just, I don't feel like celebrating. For some reason it feels like celebrating me comes with a heavy cost." Dan blabbered on before he could even stop his thoughts.

"He's not leaving this world anytime soon if that's what you are worried about." Penelope consoled him with a hand on his shoulder. 

"Realistically, I know that. There's more to it than that, I'm sure there is. I just, I don't feel like I am worth celebrating that's all." 

"That's your ugly mind talking love." She pressed a manicured nail to the centre of his forehead. "I know that feeling so I know how to say this: shut up Howell's mind. You are wrong." Penelope smiled and took his hand."He loves you Dan. He did this for you and honestly, he has been planning this for a bit. Enjoy today, please."

"But I wanted today to be spent with him. Only him. Why can't he see that?" 

"Because he is an idiot. I already told you that to love Phil that means you have to love his stupidity." 

Dan sighed. He knew what she was saying was right but dammit he was still upset. Why did no one care what he wanted? All he wanted today was to be curled up in bed as all his bad thoughts got kissed away. 

"Thanks Pen..." Dan said quietly as he finished his second drink and went to walk off.

"Wait! Dan!" 

Dan turned around to see Penelope holding a card. "It's from Phil. It has your next activity on it." She smiled as Dan took it from her hands and walked out without even another glance.

Dan looked at the time as he stepped out to notice it was already mid-day. He's been away from Phil all morning and now it was slipping into the afternoon. He had no idea what the hell he even had planned next and if it wasn't with him, honestly he didn't want it. He sighed as he opened up the card inside it read: 

_Dear Danny,_

_I hope you had a good time drinking and catching up with Penelope! I wanted you to remember on today that you have more than just me who cares for you!_

_**Bullshit**_ Dan's mind boomed. It was bullshit. All he wanted was to see Phil and Phil alone. How could that not be obvious? Dan continued to read on however. 

_I'm not quite ready for you yet so I figured you could get some shopping done! I left you some money in here so you can get yourself something ni..._

The words began to disappear off the card as Dan's eyes watered in frustration. More? There was more? Fuck. He didn't want this. Dan closed the card before pulling out his phone to send a simple text: 

_**Dan: i'm going home** _

He pocketed his phone before he could even read the response that was buzzing through. Phil was an idiot. Dan knew he was, but damn did he piss him off. Yeah, sure, he should be grateful but how could he when he said what he wanted. He wanted Phil. Nothing more, nothing less. He wanted to be tangled up in Phil all day not be sent of some wild goose chase. He thought Phil would understand that but obviously he was still a little blind. 

Dan navigated his way back home where he flopped back down on the couch, looking up to the ceiling. He closed his eyes as he dared to let his mind venture to the depths it's been preventing.

 _Happy birthday, My birthday boy._  
_Happy birthday, My birthday boy._  
_Happy birthday, My birthday boy_

_**Happy birthday, My birthday boy** _

Dan opened his eyes once he heard the door click before turning over. "Go away," He mumbled.

"Dan, it's just me." Phil said gently as he sat on the edge of the couch. 

"Why couldn't it have been just you all day? Like I wanted." 

"I just thought maybe you wanted something special. Special like you are to me." Phil sighed. "I was wrong and I can never do anything right. I'm sorry, I am." 

Dan sat up in an instant looking directly into Phil's eyes. "Don't you dare say that. That is not you." 

"But it's true. I knew you wanted to have today be just you and I but I had to go the extra mile. I didn't even take your feelings into consideration." 

"You did. Phil, you did. You did so much for me and it's my fault for being an unappreciative prick." Dan took Phil's hand and brought it to his lips with a soft smile. "You made me feel special but I got fed up because all I want is you." 

"So you still want me then?" Phil asked with a smile in return. 

"You really are an idiot," Dan said as his smile only grew wider. He leaned in and captured Phil's lips between his own. Slow and steady unlike their heart rates.

Dan could feel Phil relax as he leaned forward into the kiss before pulling back with half-lidded eyes. 

"I can always get it right next year..." Phil smiled sheepishly. 

"Or the year after that." 

"Or the year after that." 

Both of them were smiling as the leaned their foreheads together. This was exactly what Dan wanted. This is exactly made him feel like a special birthday boy. 

"If it's not too much I still have one last surprise." Phil smiled as his thumb stroked Dan's cheek. 

"For just us?" 

Phil nodded. "Just us."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so sorry that updates are slowing down! I just know that I am now officially approaching the end of this story so I am trying to drag it out just a little more so I can at least make the last few chapters really count! :) Also, I've just been going through a lot of stuff lately but it's all okay now! Thank you so much for being patient with me! I love you all! <3 <3 <3


	28. Chapter 28

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey y'all long time no see. Yeah, sorry about that! I've just been kind of busy lately :/ However, HEY! I missed y'all! Okay well, here's the next chapter so enjoy!

"What is this?" Dan blinked as the pair pulled up to a luxurious looking hotel. 

"Happy birthday," Phil smiled sheepishly. "This is why I was sending you out all day, I was trying to set some things up to make tonight...special." 

A wide smile spread across Dan's face along with some heat as well. "Philip Lester, why would you ever need to make tonight special?" 

"Can we just go in?" Phil said getting out the cab then opening Dan's door for him. 

Once inside Dan could see this place was expensive. In all honesty it looked expensive to the point he was scared to even breathe in case he would offend anyone with his _peasant fumes_. Dan never could have dreamed up a magical world like this one, but now here he was living it. It almost felt like a fairy tale and he guessed that made Phil his prince charming.

"Close your eyes," Phil said as he gently took Dan's hand into his own. 

Without hesitation Dan listened with a small grin still gripping the corners of his mouth. He was lead to the lift where he felt it rise level to level. He could tell their suite was high up, maybe even penthouse, but without vision he could only guess at this point. There was a beep before the sound of the doors opening filled the air and Phil was once again pulling Dan out and into the hall.

"Mister Lester, are you going to tell me whats going on yet?" Dan asked playfully. 

"Shush you, we are almost there. You can be so impatient sometimes!" Phil laughed stopping briefly to unlock a hotel door. 

"Says the one who literally expresses no patience." 

Phil ignored the comment as he carefully pulled Dan through the open door before it shut with a lock. 

"Okay birthday boy, open your eyes," Phil whispered with his lips ghosting the shell of Dan's ear.

If you were to tell Daniel Howell this time last year that he would be standing in the middle of a luxurious penthouse suite on his birthday with his boyfriend he would have rightfully told you to fuck off. However, now this was his reality and he could cry. 

"P-Phil..." Was all Dan could shakily manage. His breaths were laboured as he tried to let the situation sink in. 

"You hate it? Oh God you-" Phil was starting to panic before all Dan could do was throw himself at his lover, lips pressing against lips. 

Once they pulled apart Dan smiled ear to ear, "Don't you dare think I hate this for even a moment."

Dan savoured Phil's expression and let the image burn into his memory. Tonight was going to be a night for the books and Dan was calling it now. This place was nice, almost too nice for someone like him.

Phil reached out and gently cupped Dan's face and cradled it between his hands, "I'm glad because this place cost me a fucking arm and a leg." 

"Is that your dirty talk? If so, it's fucking working," Dan chuckled. 

"So money talks for you then Howell?" 

"No, when you curse it goes straight to...well..." 

Phil cocked a brow as a devilish grin lifted a single corner of his mouth. "Well...if that's the case..." he said leaning in so his words could fill Dan's ear, "Fuck." 

Dan shivered more at the sensation of breath hitting the innards of his ear rather than the word itself. Yeah, it was hot but the feelings of Phil pressed up against him and the breathy sounds filling his mind were hotter.

"Why did you really bring me here?" Dan asked as he shuddered at the feeling of Phil's hands wandering down to the small of his back.

"Can't I just spoil my boyfriend every once in a while?" Phil said feigning innocence as his hands did all the dirty talking. 

"I guess that isn't a crime," Dan breathed out before sucking a sharp breath in at the feeling of Phil's hands gently squeezing at his fleshy bottom. 

"Too much?" Phil asked flattening his hand. 

"Not enough," Dan's lip quivered as he bit down on the chapped skin in an attempt to not sound as desperate as he was. 

"Good, but I want to do something for you first." Phil said releasing his grip on Dan's behind and gently pushing him forward towards the giant king sized bed in the grand bedroom.

Dan was in awe of the large room that was barely lit with soft fairy lights. Scattered along the floor were rose pedals and the soft scents of vanilla mixed with it nicely. 

"Phil..." Dan whispered and felt a soft kiss pressed to his cheek. 

"I would have had a banner up too but someone was being moody," Phil chuckled.

"I wonder who that could have been," Dan chuckled back. 

"Now then, will you actually listen to what I say? I want to do things right...I want to take my time so please, just be patient." 

Dan felt his cheeks go aflame as he realised just what he was referring to. Dan and his member were both in agreeing--this was the right kind of moment. "Yes, I'll be...a good b-boy D-Daddy," Dan stuttered. 

Phil's eyes widened as a deep blush settled across his face before he covered and scrubbed his face with his hands. "DAN! No! That's not-dear lord man, you're going to be the death of me! Fucking Hell, never say that again! Fuck," Phil couldn't stop groaning and also laughing.

Dan tilted his head in confusion. "I'm sorry is that not where this night is going?"

Phil groaned again. "Okay, yes, that is exactly where I wanted it to go if that's where you want it to but that's not where we were starting! I wanted to make you feel good first, I wanted to give you a massage."

A blush dusted across Dan's face at those words, "O-Oh," was all he could manage. 

Phil seemed to have regained his composure as he gave a soft smile. "Don't worry, I'll take care of you." 

Dan was not going to argue or complain as he allowed himself to be led straight to the bed. "Now then, what do I do?" 

Phil laughed a little. "You've never been on the receiving end of a massage have you?" 

"No..." 

"Well, it's easier without a shirt in the way but if you're not comfortable..." 

Dan cut Phil off by lifting his shirt over his head by its hem.

"Wow.." Phil whispered breathlessly as his eyes raked up and down Dan's exposed torso. "Someone is eager." 

"Only for you," Dan replied. 

"Now then, lay face down on the bed. I'm going to...set the mood." 

Phil walked off as Dan allowed himself to settle into the plush of the mattress. The high thread count of the comforter felt like heaven against his flesh and he sighed in content as he breathed in the fresh scents emanating around the room. _Strawberries, vanilla, rose, and some scent that was just clean._ Those notes danced on the inside of his nostrils and almost lulled him to sleep. Almost being the key word as the sound of soft, but sensual melodies penetrated the otherwise silent air. The voice that was filling the room and Dan's ear was calming but also sexual in a way Dan never knew could be achieved by anyone. This music was nice and Dan made a mental note to ask Phil exactly who this was so he could continue to listen to it later on.

This wait felt so long but eventually Dan heard Phil padding back into the room as a soft dip in the bed alerted him that indeed he was back. 

"Dan did you fall asleep?" Phil asked carefully and quietly. 

"Almost; so if you're going to make me feel good, you better start soon." 

All Dan heard was a low, almost inaudible chuckle before he was hissing as the cold oil being drizzled onto his back. 

"Whoops, sorry, should have warned you," Phil laughed. 

The oil was soon becoming comfortable as it began to heat up against his bare back. "It's okay, feels good." 

Phil's hands slowly worked to massage the oil against Dan's back as he pressed into his muscles relieving possibly years of stress. Dan never knew how damn good hands against his back could feel but this feeling was almost euphoric as his tensions and cares both began to melt away. A particular touch made Dan's mouth fall open into a soft moan as his hips almost instinctively pressed into the bed below. 

"That good, eh?" Phil leaned down and whispered into Dan's ear. 

Goosebumps spread throughout Dan's entire body as all his senses were brought to life and basically set on fire. He wouldn't last long like this, he was doomed. 

"Phil," Dan almost whimpered out the name. 

"Shhh, just a little more." Phil husked as his hands continued to knead into Dan's back, working against the slippery oils in a way that felt _too good._

Dan was pliant against Phil's fingers as his mind cleared out into a comfortable state. Dan was only thinking about this moment, there was no past to think about and there was no future to worry about. The only thing that existed in this moment was Dan, Phil, and this feeling.

"You really know what you're doing. Should I be jealous?" Dan asked in a whisper. 

"Jealous of who? The large man named Bartholomew that I paid good money to for classes in _sensual therapy._ "

"Shut up you doof, that's not a thing!" Dan laughed feeling his muscles tense against Phil's hands with the movements. 

"Quit laughing! It only makes my job harder and yes it is a thing! If not, then I am out a decent amount of money that I paid to a random guy to massage a dummy."

"Was the dummy hotter than me?" 

There was a long silence as Phil's hands slowly worked themselves lower and stopped just before the curve of Dan's lower back. "No. The dummy, that I named Winston by the way, did not have an ass like this." Phil said as his hands moved over the hump and gave a firm squeeze.

Dan's mind completely blanked out as he let out a quiet moan. "Fuck, Phil," he panted slightly as he felt hands steadily and firmly gripping and massaging his rear. 

"Were you saying fuck to the massaging or were you asking me to fuck you," Phil hummed. 

Dan felt his breath hitch as he had an entire new wave of desire pulse throughout his body, "The latter," he moaned definitively.

"Good, because this is your night and I am going to treat you so, so right."


End file.
